Breaking up sucks. Just ask Taylor Swift.

It’s always a difficult, painful process, even for the people who make the decision, and being on the receiving end of a breakup is even worse. Even relationships that run their courseand fall apart by mutual consent tend to cause their problems, even if it’s just an argument about who gets custody of the cat.

But believe it or not, beneath the grief and the heartache there’s something positive. It’s a little bit like childbirth – painful at the time, but rewarding in the years to come. Better still, there’s no need to wait nine months beforehand. And believe me, I know what I am talking about because I’ve been in that kind of situation more than once.

In fact, breaking up is often the best decision that people make. Here’s why.

1. There’s someone better out there

We’re not talking about someone who’s better at video games or doing the laundry. We’re talking about someone who’s a better fit. Many breakups happen because a couple is incompatible, andthe breakup is usually the best option for both parties.

As human beings, we change over time. Just take a look at Miley Cyrus and the difference between Hannah Montana and the music video for Wrecking Ball. Sometimes couples grow apart from each other, and that’s okay – it just means that next time around, they can find someone who shares the same interests.

2. It shows that you’re strong

They say that if something doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger, and there’s no one as strong as someone who’s just survived a breakup. When people are in a relationship, they learn to rely on their partners for emotional and moral support, often at the expense of their own self-confidence. After a breakup, they start to realise that they’re stronger on their own than they could ever have known.

This is particularly common after the demise of a long-term relationship – or at least, that’s how it happened for me. It took me a good few months to find my inner strength and to learn to trust it, but it was a defining moment in my life that taught me more than I could have ever expected.