It doesn’t matter how amicably you and your former love interest parted ways–breakups are always the worst. At one point or another, we’ve all spent time pining over lost love, and wasting what little time we have dwelling on everything that went wrong in a once promising relationship. Was there something we could have done to prevent it? Absolutely not. But we ask ourselves that question ad nauseum regardless. The truth is, some of us take years to heal from a particularly traumatic breakup, and if you and your ex shared a serious relationship, the period you each spend mourning the loss will be compounded.
Of course, even if you think you should be a little further along in the healing process, you may be unintentionally setting yourself back a few months without even realizing it. Here’s why:
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You’re Still Contacting Your Ex
Even if he or she has been texting or calling you first, if you still feel compelled to respond, you’re part of the problem. You need to set some strict rules directly following a breakup: no contact until you’re both ready to be “friends,” and a total understanding of the fact that that may not occur. You might never be able to talk to your ex in a platonic way, and neither of you should expect to go back to the way things were before you dated. Relationships change the way you see each other, and it’s hard to think of the person you once loved as someone less special. As hard as it might be, it’s time to stop communicating until you’re fully ready.
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You Look for Any Excuse to Talk About Your Ex
Do you bait your mutual friends and acquaintances hoping they’ll catch on and divulge all the details of your ex’s life spent without you? Do you still bring up him or her in every mundane conversation? If all your discussions are still centered around your ex and your recent breakup, your mindset is, too.
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You “Stalk” His or Her Social Media Profiles
Do you spend the majority of your free time scrolling through her Facebook posts and mentions on Twitter? Did you spend your lunch break at work 50 weeks back on his Instagram? Are you still “following” her on Tumblr and reblogging her posts? You need to cut yourself off, because this constant immersion in your ex’s online presence isn’t doing you any favors. There’s a very big difference between longing and obsession, and you’ve officially crossed the line.
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You Aren’t Looking to Date Anyone Else
Sometimes, the quickest way to get over an ex is to find someone new, but if you’ve permanently removed yourself from the dating scene, you’re never going to get over that breakup. You deserve an attractive distraction. It doesn’t have to be serious, but it does have to be fun and enlightening. Holding an eternal flame for the ex is not a good look, and it isn’t helping you heal.
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Your Friends and Relatives Are Afraid to Mention the Breakup
If you’re starting to feel like your nearest and dearest are walking on eggshells around you, you’re probably right. The people closest to you are worried they’ll upset you by mentioning your ex boyfriend or girlfriend, and this behavior is most likely learned through experience. If you’re still tearing up at the mere mention of your ex, you need a new game plan.
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You’re Jealous of All His or Her Potential Love Interests
To you, any man or woman who dares to come within 50 feet of your ex is a threat even if you two have absolutely no plans to resume your romance in the future. You don’t own your ex, and your irrational jealousy is preventing you from moving on.
