Sex is an important component of many relationships, and while it doesn’t make or break a couple, it can have a major impact on how you feel about each other and how you get along.
Many couples try to wait out a dry spell, or chalk it up to temporary circumstances, and often find themselves drifting further and further away. But if you take the time to honestly assess where you’re at, you may find yourselves, ahem, coming together again.
- Physical: Are you tired or sluggish? What’s changed in your routine? Shaving off hours of sleep, eating meals on the go, or even nursing a minor illness for too long can leave you feeling too wiped to do anything else. Look at ways you can take better care of yourself, and if you’re stumped, see a doctor.
- Chemical: Most women know that birth control can throw their sex drive out of whack, but hormonal shifts affect men, too. Certain drugs, especially antidepressants, can also send your sex drive packing. Look to your health care provider for answers here, and if you must google, do so with reputable sources.
- Oral: Communication, that is! Fess up, are you letting something fester? Be honest. If there are issues, big or small, that you’re keeping to yourself, it can be a barrier between you two. So whether it’s leaving the dishes in the sink overnight or where you’re going to live when your partner graduates, talk about it. Couples fight, but the ones that fight fair have a better chance of sticking together, growing stronger, and, well, having hot makeup sex.
- Schedule: Is one of you a night owl and the other off to the gym at 5am? You don’t have to psynch up your calendars to find a time to make love, but if the early bird can sleep in one day and the night owl can turn in early once, there’s two times you’re in bed already. Make an opportunity for something to happen.
- Taking each other for granted: Are you too busy going over the logistics of your busy days to stop and appreciate each other for a few minutes? You’ve probably wasted more time on facebook by 9am than it takes for you to pen a sappy love note or leave a silly voice mail. While you’re running errands, find a small gift or a favorite treat. Remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. Make time for quality time.
- Touch: When you stop having sex, a lot of times all the other small intimacies have fallen by the wayside. Give your partner a shoulder rub, or a long kiss, or grab their hand across the table when you’re not trying to get something started. Start reconnecting one touch at a time. Which leads right into…
- Foreplay: There’s a foolproof way to tell if your lady is ready for action. And it’s better for everyone if you get there before heading toward the main event. Take the time to get yourselves warmed up, and positive memories will be in place for the next one.
Every relationship goes through ups and downs, if you’re in a sex desert, make the effort to address what the underlying issues are, and even if you’d rather not, talk about it with your partner. Go on, get your sexy back, one step at a time.
