No cares in the world, because you have everything you need in the world. You and your BFF have each other and a giant bottle of wine.
There’s nothing like a few glasses of wine (and some cheese. okay, a lot of cheese) to make your slightly gossip-y asshole sides come out. You mean well, you really do . . .
1. Did you hear she’s talking to him again?
YOU: Blah Blah Blah is talking to him again.
BFF: Him? The Number One Asshole?
YOU: Yes, that one.
BFF: Well, she’s gonna get hurt. In more than one way . . . she always talked about how he’s got a big dick.
2. Hating on your man, or lack thereof
YOU: Douchelord hasn’t texted me back in like 48 hours.
BFF: He’s probably really busy. What’s the last thing you texted him?
YOU: uh . . . let me see *shows text convo*
BFF: Ok, calm down girl. I am taking your phone because you are not allowed to text him until he texts you back. Five in a row? What the hell were you thinking?
YOU: I wasn’t . . .
BFF: I know, it was a rhetorical question. But seriously I do the same thing all the time. He’ll text back when he’s finished being an asshole.