The holidays were practically designed to cater to all of the lovey-dovey couples of the world. Where’s the love for us singles?
1. When you’re single, family is the pretty much the only option.
We’re talking every holiday dinner including New Year’s… that is four or more occasions in which you will be asked several times over and over again why you haven’t found that special someone yet.
Just a constant reminder that you are absolutely alone in this world.
2. As if that isn’t terrible enough, they try to help you.
Now you not only have to listen about your single AF status, but you have Aunt Gertrude trying to explain why you’re single… “Oh, honey you need to be more social”… and “What about the nice little Jewish boy down the street?”
And it’s so great because who doesn’t love to be reminded of their imperfections, especially the ones you didn’t even know existed.
3. You leave dinner early only to watch holiday movie re-runs alone in the dark.
Holiday movies are a wonderful, stomach-warming thing – if you’re in love that is. Without love, holiday movies are pointless, which is why you are now flipping through the channels mindlessly to find anything else.
4. When you try to escape from sappy holiday movies, all you find are Kay jewelry ads.
Oh isn’t it lovely, all the snow, sparkles, and unicorn magic that left you cold, single, and alone during this glorious season? Who doesn’t love those Kay Jeweler commercials? Next time you hear “Every kiss begins with Kay” you might just punch someone.
5. Receiving cheesy Hallmark postcards from your coupled-up friends.
What’s in the mail? Bills. Bills. Bills. Oh and a stack of beautiful postcards adorned with photos of your closest friends and their boyfriends snuggled up on sleds, kissing in a pumpkin patch, and building a snowman together.
6. You see mistletoe literally everywhere you go.
It’s in the doorway of the coffee shop, the archway of your favorite store, and the doorjamb of the freaking bathroom. When does the madness stop?
What even is mistletoe? And who made it a kissing plant, anyway? Whoever it was obviously wasn’t single.
7. Your only food option for weeks is leftover pumpkin pie.
All of your friends are happily canoodling at all of the best, super hard to get into without a 2 person minimum, restaurants… so going out is obviously not an option.
If you can’t join them, out eat them. After all, the best part of the holidays is the food, right? #LeftoeversForDays
8. You’re forced to come to terms with holiday weight gain.
The holiday depression mixed with too much egg nog and a pound of the sweet ham your grandmother made is pretty much a permanent part of your stomach now. But to you it doesn’t matter because you have no one to look cute for, so more whip cream on top of whip cream it is!!
9. Waking up hungover and alone.
There is nothing worse than waking up completely alone on Christmas day. Who will open presents with you? Oh… wait. What presents? And what about the Christmas brunch that follows the present opening?
Being single has not only ruined two of the best things in the world – brunch and presents, duh – but being single has also destroyed every day in between October and January.