It’s a universal truth that every couple argues. Some couples argue a lot, some couples argue a little – my boyfriend and I argue more than we do anything else. But, overall, every couple goes through their own problems from time to time. There is no such thing as a “perfect relationship,”—everyone has their sh*t.
When we argue with our SO in our relationship, we’ve been socially constructed to solve the problems that come about right then and there—never giving ourselves a break or time to process any thoughts or changes. We’ve been told that if we truly care about our relationship, we’ll fight tooth and nail to make it work and make it better. We have to find a way to figure it out and we have to do it right then and there.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “never go to bed angry.”
Basically, that saying is as old as the nature of love and marriage. As time has progressed, society has progressed. We’re constantly on—working, running around, trying to do everything in the small frame of 24 hours that we have. We don’t usually have time to decompress and relax. When we have long days, we yearn to come home to our SO and enjoy our time with them, getting that “break” we truly need.
When that break ends in explosions and fights, it’s almost impossible for us not to get frustrated. The real issue is that society tells us, when we argue with our significant other, we should do whatever we can to solve it and not let ourselves leave without solving the issue at hand.
People think that if you stay up all night long trying to solve problems, it proves some big notion that you care about your relationship enough to lose sleep over it and that means your relationship is strong and resilient and rainbows/butterflies/sunshine-y great.
I call bullsh*t.
When you fight with your SO, it’s healthy to go to bed angry.
I’m serious. Think about it like this—
When you fight with your SO about something important, it takes a lot of energy out of you to argue back and forth with them. Many of times when you disagree, it’s more than just a little thing – there’s a lot of depth to your argument which means, there’s a lot to talk about. The more you talk, the later it gets.
Ever stay up talking to someone super late at night and realize after a while, you stop making sense? You start to become so overtired that your mind is working on overdrive, you start to get foggy and it’s super hard to think clearly and maintain a solid thought process.
If you’re arguing with your SO, you’ll want to have your foundation solid and strong – but, if you argue into the late, late hours of the night, you’ll probably end up making things worse not better. You’ll be so exhausted that your argument will start to sound insane and your mind will start to clutter.
Now, if you choose to sleep on it, instead of arguing all night long, it’ll help in many ways. By allowing both you and your SO to “sleep on it,” you give each other time to process the argument and what happened/what went wrong. Many of times, this allows you and your SO to better understand the other’s argument and stance, which means, you may come into the next conversation with a new, compromising and calm perspective.
As well, you’ll have a clear head and a better sense of your emotions – you may decide you and your partner can agree to disagree and move on from the argument at hand. You may decide that there are ways to meet in the middle and make both of you happy. But, you wouldn’t have realized all of these things at 4 a.m. after you’d been fighting for five hours.
So, if you find yourself disagreeing with your SO and it goes on into the late night – give yourself a break. Get some rest, sleep on it, allow yourself to detox from the arguments and get some rest. I promise you in the morning, you will thank me.