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Dating In The Jewish Community – Traditions, Values, And Websites

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Dating, if summarized, can sound rather cold and mechanical when you speak of it in a descriptive context. It’s a process where two people meet, get acquainted, and try to determine if they’re suited for one another. 

It doesn’t matter if you use old-fashioned tactics or if you participate with modern dating apps and matchmaking services. The synopsis equates to the basic gist of each person’s ultimate goal, but none more so than the Jewish population. It is less of a goal for these couples as it is part of a mandated Jewish law. 
A stipulation of the Talmud states that a woman must find “favor in a man’s eye” before he is permitted to marry her, and a woman is forbidden to make an educated decision concerning a marriage proposal until she is found to be mature enough to do so.
Dating, as far as Jewish tradition, is viewed as a serious undertaking meant to lead to a proposal. It is not to be taken lightly or as a form of entertainment. Two people need to wait until they reach a particular level of maturity, and each feels ready to search for a life mate. 
The reason for the stringency in their traditions is they play a key role in the development of stable marriages between two genuinely compatible people. 
The date is, therefore, central in determining if an individual is someone who holds values and qualities you can live with as a couple happily and in harmony without the possibility of divorce – until death parts you.View this guide for dating as a Jewish man or woman.

Dating And Marriage Among The Jewish Community

Not all Jews engage with the formalities or laws to the full extent. As with any religion, there are different levels with varying takes on how people choose to interpret the guidelines, and some people choose not to follow a religion. 
In saying that, niche Jewish dating sites create a specific space where people, religious or not, can go to interact with those who share similar backgrounds and family traditions. 
Even though these sites have been “assigned” to a niche group of people, as are multiple other niche groups in the market, singles struggle to find eligible mates that demonstrate the values and qualities they’re hoping to find in a lifetime partner. 
In some cases, people are duped by non-Jewish participants who come to the sites hoping to match with one of the members for a number of different reasons, whether it be fetish-related or genuine interest. 
A lot of times, the relationships have the potential for becoming successful once the truth comes to light. Still, there are times when families have a say in the religious preferences of a possible partner, causing things to end abruptly.

Dating Sites Lead To Better Compatibility 

When you believe you have feelings for someone, unfortunately, marriage and divorce are two things that people enter into so quickly and without much forethought. Too often, couples are focused on sex, romance, attraction – the frosting aspects of dating, and not the substance. 
Many times people run off and get married (some at the courthouse, so it’s quick) while they’re in this honeymoon phase. Then suddenly, after a brief period, life hits them, and it’s not rosy. The only solution they see as an option – a quick divorce. 
Things are changing in the modern age. People are waiting longer to marry, with some choosing to stay single. More couples are focusing on compatibility, which is the central concept of the Jews’ philosophy.
 It is also an integral part of dating sites that personality tests and profiles mean to determine compatibility leading to a better connection between two people. The best apps and matchmakers offer higher success rates with long-term relationships and even happy marriages because their platforms encourage the clients to be authentic and forthcoming. Go to Aish.com for tips for an online dating profile.
Successfully dating takes skill and a purposeful thought process. You can’t lead with the heart, which many people understandably initially start out doing. It’sessential to reel it in and let the mind take over when you realize there are real feelings for someone.
Instead of going to places where there is entertainment like a movie theater or a loud concert on a date with someone you want to get to know, you should be looking for quiet spots where you can hold a private conversation to share intimate details that no one else might know. You should feel prompted to discuss goals, visions, things you want to tell someone with whom you feel in tune.
These might lean towards Jewish ideals, but in reality, everyone should genuinely heed some of their advice. Even dating apps and matchmakers in their own commercial way encourage people to focus on commonalities instead of frivolities.
 It seems like the modern “dater” is listening. More people are interested in a serious approach, as opposed to casual hookups. While the Jewish are participating in the niche dating apps and professional matchmaking services, do they still listen to the “shadchan?”

What Does The Shadchan Have To Say?

In times past, the shadchan or matchmaker earned a living or commission in the Jewish community for successful couples matched from the services. 
The matchmaker would work magic to convince hesitant parents of a son or daughter’s admirable qualities and outline the level of compatibility the two would share if they were to meet and pursue a relationship.
Today’s shadchan is decidedly different from that point in time. In modern days, these perform the services with discretion and offer a remarkable success rate. The individual collects pertinent information on singles who are eligible through personal interviews or in speaking with close friends, ultimately comparing the results.  
Claims suggest these are extraordinarily gifted matchmakers. But if you don’t compensate them appropriately for positive results, the indication is that there will be severe repercussions – so it’s said.
The shadchan is genuinely not unlike a professional matchmaking service. These are gaining popularity alongside dating apps. They’re not niche-specific, but they do stringent profiling of each client through personal interviews and go through extensive safety precautions. 
With matchmakers, the service analyzes the individual clients and makes selections to set up for dates. The individuals don’t pick out their own matches. It’s a unique concept putting your “fate” in someone else’s hands. But it’s very similar to a shadchan and a Jew’sparents deciding for them. 
Often when someone looks at something objectively, they can see things that people themselves don’t realize on their own. That’s probably why the shadchan has such a high level of success, and the matchmaking services are gaining such popularity.

Being An Active Participant On A Dating Site

The traditions of Judaism relating to dating and marriage deem essential, can be restrictive, and seem like these aren’t necessarily followed as much in more modern times by the entire community. People don’tmarry young anymore. Most are waiting much longer today before committing to a serious relationship, especially marriage. 
There are probably varying traditions from family to family, as is true in any religion, with everyone following at their own level. Some people choose to be nonreligious but respect the values. In any case, as is true for every niche and most singles, dating apps are a popular choice for the community to search for an ideal mate.
Fortunately, apps, including Jewish dating sites and matchmaking services, encourage extensive profiling for members in an attempt to outline for potential mates who you are and what you’re about. These attempts help to eliminate those who are simply not going to fit with your plans.
If you’re vague with your profile and don’t explicitly indicate your likes/dislikes and what you’re most interested in, you’ll waste a lot of your time and those around you defeating the whole purpose of being there. If you’re going to sign on to participate, you should go all in and really try.

Final Thoughts

In our modern times, it’s not strictly limited to Judaism that people are looking for closer, compatible companionship. It seems like things are changing somewhat to where all individuals are focused on careers, waiting until they’re more mature to look for a serious relationship, and then searching for someone with their same ideals. These values are crossing over religious barriers and becoming universal.

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