Despite being well into the 21st century, the stigma around the LGBTQ+ community (especially since Trump took office) has lingered unapologetically. There are some definite stereotypes surrounding the rainbow community, and as a new member, I am frankly TIRED of hearing the same shit. I know just about everyone that identifies as LGBTQ+ can relate. So, let’s get to work on educating the straight community on what is not ok to say to me (us) as a gay or bisexual woman.
1.) The number one thing I hear upon divulging that I have been with both men and women: that’s hot.
Ok, no. My sexuality is not some sort of pornographic fantasy of yours. It is not “hot” or “sexy” like wearing a revealing lingerie set. IDGAF to hear your drooling assessment of whom I choose to have a sexual relationship with, nor am I EVER going to expound upon experiences for your heterosexual pleasure. My sexuality and lifestyle is not meant to turn you on because IT ISN’T ABOUT YOU.
The aforementioned is closely followed up by men telling me that I am only gay because I was with the wrong types of guys. WRONG! (Cue Michael Scott exclaiming “NO, GOD NOOOOOO!” After finding out that Toby was back from Costa Rica). Was I with shitty men? Hell yeah I was. But that in no way, shape, or form affected me being attracted to women since I was very young. I prefer women on so many levels: emotional, physical, mental, etc. This is also NOT an invitation to you trying to take me out or get me in bed so you can convince me that it was just those “shitty guys.” As a rule, saying that shit to me makes you an ignorant shitty guy.
2.) The most INFURIATING proposition I get is to be a “third” to heterosexual couples.
Let me put this nicely, and not just because I am in a committed relationship, FUCK NO. Again, my sexual preferences are not some open invitation to have sex with me or invite me to join your “throuple.” My existence is not meant to help your struggling relationship or to fulfill some sexual fantasy. Are there gay and bisexual women that are into that? Absolutely. It just isn’t my cup of tea. However, it is alarming how many requests I got since coming out, as if I had put out a personal ad on Craigslist.
3.) Another common misperception is that I can be converted to dating men again.
I have had countless men hit on me, and when I politely tell them I am gay they take that as if it is a challenge. Let me say something very clearly: LESBIANS ARE NOT GOING TO BE PERSUADED TO DATE MEN JUST BECAUSE YOU BRAG ON YOUR MANHOOD OR SEX SKILLS. It literally has the opposite effect because it just reveals your overwhelming ignorance, insecurities, and toxic masculinity. NO THANKS, BRO.
4.) The most embarrassing question I commonly receive (for the asker that is) is how do you have sex with a woman?
This question is ALWAYS asked by heterosexual men, and my response is usually very savage. Usually, it is to the effect of “better than you bro, obviously” or “WOW! Your poor girl.” It is usually just out of curiosity (as if there aren’t whole sites where you could figure this out yourself) or to try and pry into your personal life. I am not here for either reason to be honest.
I could go on a very long rant concerning this subject. However, keeping it brief to the top few common quips seems like the best route to go. No matter the state of LGBTQ+ laws, there will always be those so ignorant of what this actually means to continue asking these questions. I encourage those in the LGBTQ+ community to thoroughly educate your straight friends so I can stop hearing this shit, because quite frankly it will not end well for the next person that broaches these subjects.