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How To Safely Find A Hookup When You’re Not Looking For A Relationship

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I’m a big fan of today’s dating culture and the prevalence of no-fuss online dating. Sometimes you just aren’t in a place where you want a relationship but you still want the physical side of things. These days, that’s totally acceptable, so long as you’re upfront about it.

Sure, not everyone’s into the same thing and that’s okay too. So long as you’re open about your intentions the whole way through, you’re both adults and can make your own decisions.

Having been through a lot of growth and change the last couple of years, a committed relationship hasn’t been in the cards for me.

Here are some factors that can make finding hookups safe and easy.

Make sure you’re in a healthy headspace

I’m starting with this one because it’s one of the most overlooked. Getting physical with someone else brings an inherent amount of emotional attachment as well. Or at least, the potential for attachment.

If you’re looking for hookups, you need to be prepared for a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. Before you start, make sure you’re in a good place with your own mental health.

If you’re seeking validation from these hookups or trying to compensate for something else in your life, I’d reconsider. As soon as you start to “need” a hookup, things can become far more complicated. As Psychology Today points out, “It might be that people in distress are more likely to seek a convenient sexual encounter.”

If you’re attaching some of your joy to this process, it can put you into a bit of a spiral. Instead, work on yourself, find out what genuinely makes you happy and comfortable being alone, then go for it.

Set boundaries for yourself before you actively start looking

It’s important that you start setting strict boundaries for yourself before anything starts. You might think you’re capable, but once you start hooking up with someone, setting boundaries after the fact can be hard.

On the other hand, if you go into it with boundaries already in place, you can communicate them from day one. You can also hold yourself to them and everybody knows what to expect.

These boundaries are here to make sure we don’t start to blur the line between hookup and a relationship. By all means, it’s okay if that happens but it should be an intentional shift. You shouldn’t be waking up three weeks in and realizing you somehow fell into a relationship!

Use online dating to your advantage

To a certain extent, all forms of dating are a numbers game. The beauty of online dating is that we can talk to countless other people without leaving the house.

It expands our opportunities far beyond traditional dating and when it comes to hookups, that’s great. For various reasons, some people just won’t be into it and so, the more potentials we have, the better our chances.

Take your time, do your research and read some expert reviews from Beyond Ages on the best apps out there for finding a hookup easily and safely. It’s the best way to be sure you’re putting your time and effort into the right places.

Once you’ve figured out an app or two that you think will work, it’s time to put yourself out there.

Don’t be afraid to say hi

Just because you’re using dating apps doesn’t mean you can’t approach people in public as well. I know, I know, for most of us this can be a tough ask but it’s worth it.

Since all you’re looking for at this stage is a hookup, the stakes are low. If you see someone that you’re interested in, why wouldn’t you at least go introduce yourself and see how they react? These hookups aren’t going to come to you!

Approach anxiety is a real thing but it’s also something that gets easier with experience. I promise you, the first time is always the most difficult. You might feel like you can’t and like you’re a special case but. . . that’s what literally everyone says.

Communicate openly about what you want

In all forms of dating, communication is everything. So long as everyone’s on the same page about what’s going on, educated decisions can be made.

Similarly, there’s always the chance that you or your hookup will start to develop feelings. If you’ve been communicating openly since day zero and have boundaries in place, you can stick to your guns here.

Doing this has saved me countless times and is the reason I still get along with so many of my former hookups. They ended without anybody getting hurt because nobody was caught off guard and nobody felt misled.

Be aware of what your actions say

As the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words and that’s very true with hookups too. It doesn’t matter how much you talk about your intentions, if your actions suggest otherwise, things will get messy.

For example, if you say you don’t want a relationship but send daily “good morning” texts, meet their friends and family etc . . . these are some very mixed signals. These actions will do most of the talking which negates all that great communication.

Maintain that communication the whole time

This might seem redundant but I assure you, it deserves its own section. It’s not enough to just say “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” and hope for the best.

Humans are complex social creatures and emotions can develop fast. They can also develop without us even realizing it.

Whether it lasts days or months, keep that communication open the whole time. Make it a safe space to talk about anything that’s happening. It’s okay if feelings change and the two of you should talk about that.

Of course, it doesn’t mean the relationship will change but it’s still healthy to talk about. Far better than waiting for feelings to get hurt, I assure you.

Remember, what you’re doing isn’t wrong

Every now and then, you’ll come across someone that doesn’t approve of hookups. It’s rare but it happens every now and then.

Their response can be demeaning and it’s important to remember that what you’re doing is totally okay. Just because one person doesn’t approve doesn’t mean you should start doubting yourself or hiding your intentions.

For the most part, both men and women enjoy hookups. Society is finally at a point where it’s totally okay with most people. If you’re around someone who vehemently disagrees, be respectful but distance yourself from them immediately. Don’t let their misery bring you down!


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