It’s 3 am and I’m laying here, wishing things were different. Knowing both of us are forever going to be changed. I wish I didn’t have to feel this lonely. And I know that things are not gonna be different if something drastic doesn’t happen. And also knowing that a drastic thing is gonna happen in just a few short hours.
I wish last week you’d have taken this more seriously. That you would have listened to me. Since you didn’t, the only thing I can say is … I love you, but I have to love me more. I have to heal and grow. And I am so sorry that it means that we cannot be us right now. I do hope that you understand.
All I really wanted two hours ago was for you to fight for us. And when you said nothing and I rolled over, you didn’t even reach out to put your arm around. Because it was in that very moment thatI knew, that you weren’t going to. That we lost our connection.
In the spirit of not ruining all of the fun that you so desperately want to have, I’m going to see myself out. No, really, it is all fine– I’m just going to go home. At least that’s my plan tonight as I lay here wondering if we have a future and wondering if you’ll ever understand. Because I lay next to you with tears in my eyes and you have nothing to say! But that, silence, that cold silence, spoke volumes, validating my decision to go. So, again I hope that you can understand.
I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. And that you need me to be the bad guy. The one who ripped your heart out in front of the rest of the world. Ok, that’s fine. I just hope that you will one day understand that I just needed more from you. That I needed to be your priority. And that I expected you to do what you said you would do, and not just the sacrifices that you felt like doing. I think I my may be in your way, so now I know it’s time to step back and let you grow up.
I hope that you can understand that I know that is what you need. You need time and space. I get that. I only hope that when you realize what it is that you need for yourself, not too much will have passed. Otherwise, we will continue to slip too far away from each other. You see, I always said that I would always be your cheerleader, and I will. I wish you nothing but love and happiness, even if that means it is not with me. Because of this, this love, that I have for you. Your cheerleader is gonna sit on the sidelines quietly while you talk over your next play. I just hope that you can understand!
I’ll leave you with this. I love you so much it’s literally killing me thinking of what’s to come in a few short hours. The tears streaming down my face are because I know how much this is gonna hurt. Believe me, this breakup is the last thing that I ever wanted to do. And all I can cling to right now is the hope that you understand that is more for you than for me! I hope that you figure out what you need. I am forever rooting for you, forever your cheerleader.
Forever my love,
-E