When I Lost Myself

I lost myself slowly at first, then faster and faster as I got farther from myself. I spiraled out of control. I became a dark version of myself. I could barely look in the mirror. I was a person I didn’t even recognize anymore. I didn’t love me anymore.

Thanks to you. 

I walked through the days like a zombie, so numb. Constantly full of fear and anxiety. I pushed away those who loved me the most and I held you, the one who could care less about me, closest to me.

I was used by you.

We called it a friendship but, in fact, you were the most toxic relationship in my life.

In my desire for you, I lost sense of my emotions. I lost my clarity. I lost my sense of dignity, my morals, my conscience. You stripped me down and made me feel nothing.

I couldn’t feel happiness unless you allowed me to. I couldn’t feel anger even when you did me wrong, time and time again.

 

I couldn’t feel sadness over all the things I was losing because of you. 

I felt nothing unless you gave it to me. All my emotions hinged on what you allowed me to feel.

 

No more. 

I can no longer allow you to have that control over me.