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If You Hate That You Feel Lost Without Him, Read This

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I knew it had to end. There’s no disputing that. It wasn’t working anymore, and neither of us had a choice but to make a hard decision to be apart. 

We tried and tried and tried some more and it just wasn’t getting any better. We both knew we had to get out before we started to say some things we couldn’t take back. 

But it hurts like hell. It’s excruciating, actually. You were such an ingrained part of my daily life that I am almost paralyzed. 

I don’t know what move to make next. My life has been shaken up completely. 

I have no idea what to do now. I don’t know whether to move on, to take time to heal, or to just shut down completely. I’m stunned. This doesn’t seem real. 

I wonder if we made a mistake. Sometimes I just want to run back to you, I imagine saying things like let’s give it another try, and I am feeling so happy in that moment. 

But no, we didn’t. But that joy in reunion wouldn’t last long. Soon we’d be back to the same old problems, the same old us. 

So why do I feel like this? If we made the right decision, then I have to wonder why it feels so wrong. Why my mind knows we did what we had to do, but my heart is crying like a small child who just watched their best friend walk away. 

I guess that’s just life. Sometimes we lose the people we love. We have to let go, no matter how comfortable or happy they made us feel at times. 

You rubbed off on me. I find myself using your mannerisms, performing your habits, using your brand of toothpaste. You’ve managed to creep into every crevice of my life in small ways. 

I wonder if I’ll ever be the same. Good or bad, you changed me at my core. I am not the same person as I was when I met you, and even though I’m a bit broken right now, I’ll end up stronger. 

I have to thank you. Even though we weren’t always good to each other, you tried your best to be good to me. We just weren’t good together. Thank you for being there for me, for witnessing some very important parts of my life. 

I guess this is goodbye. 

“It’s hard when you miss people. But you know if you miss them, that means you’re lucky. It means you had someone special in your life, someone worth missing.” ? Nikki Schiefelbein


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