I Am Not Afraid Of Love

I’ve had my heart broken more times than I can count by now. I’ve been in my fair share of bad relationships, and I’ve felt the world shatter each and every time they did. That’s why when I think about starting all over again and getting back into dating, I become overwhelmed with anxiety.

My walls go up and I buy books on how to overcome being paralyzed by this overwhelming fear. I start to hyperventilate at just the thought. So how am I ever supposed to give my heart to anyone ever again? How do I even start to try?

It’s not that I’m scared of love, in fact, I would give anything to feel love again. But I’m not sure it feels the same way about me.

What I’m scared of is the heartbreak, I’m scared of the lies, I’m scared of the inevitable tears and the endless pain it’ll cause me if I do. I don’t ever want to feel that vulnerable again.

I’m scared of being just another girl who doesn’t really matter and will never a priority to anyone. And I’m scared of once again giving my heart to someone who doesn’t appreciate or even want it.

I’m tired of putting myself out there only to find more disappointment.

I’m tired of constantly giving and never getting anything in return. There has to be more than this empty feeling, but how much more do I have to suffer before I eventually find it?

I’m scared of ending up with just another selfish, self-absorbed asshole who claims to want a relationship but isn’t actually willing to make the effort to have one. Why should I have to put in all the effort when it’s only going to bite me in the ass in the end?

I don’t want to end up once again broken and crying myself to sleep every single night.

I’m tired of giving someone else the power to make me feel like garbage.

I just finally found myself again from the last time and put the pieces back together. I’m finally starting to feel whole again. Is it really worth the risk of losing all that again?

So, I’m not scared of falling in love. I’m just scared of the hurt that comes with it.

If you like this and want to read more, follow Erica on Facebook!