You Are Full Of Excuses

I tried for so long to see past the reality of our relationship. But, the truth is you loved making excuses way more than you could ever love me. 

You didn’t want to be held accountable for your mistakes. Instead, you would make me feel like everything we ever went through was somehow my fault.

And, it broke me for a long time. Because I bought into it. It just made me try harder to be better for you and be better for us.

 

But, I was never the problem. 

It didn’t matter how hard I tried to fix everything or how often I forgave the same mistake over and over again.

It didn’t matter that I let you off the hook every time you let me down or I tried to find ways to cut you slack and lower my expectations of your contribution to us.

And, like so many times before when I got to this breaking point, I tried to pour my heart out to you about it.

 

I tried to make you see why this wasn’t working on the off chance that something I said might resonate with you.

But, once again, you had your normal line of rationalizations ready and waiting for me. The same things I’ve heard, time and time again. You have an excuse for everything. For every mistake and every situation. And your excuses became mine. I would defend you over and over again.

I don’t know why it took this long, but it finally became so clear to me: this is not worth it.

I am worth more than these excuses. I am worth more than this inconsistent, unhealthy, disappointing dynamic. I am worthy of finding someone that is never going to allow us to settle into this toxic, distorted version of love.

Because it’s not that you’ve made mistakes. It’s that you never planned on growing with me from them.