My Lisp Is Sexy My Lisp Is Cute My Lisp Is A Pain In The Assth

 

So yea, I sound like a goof 24/7.

 

And unfortunately not everyone takes me that seriously.

In moments like these, people will pay more attention to my lisp rather than to the words I’m actually saying. My one-liners, fall short of their mark, and even my most brilliantly constructed arguments seem much less convincing. The result being that in almost every single interaction I encounter, I’ll be taken just that marginally less seriously only because I have a lisp.

 

Plus, flirting with a hottie is made that much more difficult….

Typically, when I first meet someone, I try to garble up as many anecdotes as I can think of and gush them out as quickly as I can, so I can prolong the conversation for as long as possible. (Right? The odds are in my favor. I just need more time to enchant them into loving me.)

 

Unfortunately, my flurry of speech ends up sounding more like diarrhea of the mouth. Bad image? Yes, but true? Absolutely. There’s no other way of putting it, there’s an atrocious amount of spit, and it is not attractive.

 

And everything turns overtly sexual all too quickly.

If the hottie doesn’t get turned off by my spit, then he’s in for another surprise: everything I say sounds extremely sexual. (Let’s be real, he probably stuck around just because I’m seemingly making so many sexual innuendos.)

 

There’s something about a lisp that turns even the mundane and natural to a sexy little quip. Why? I haven’t figured it out, yet. I think it has something to do with the media or all things sexual have “S” spelling names…sperm, spandex, spankings.

All I know is that my lisp gets me laid…but I’m so down with that.

 

Published by

Brit Bandana

Mountain dweller and day-dreamer. Writer, jewelry-maker, and habitual mistake-maker. For more of my writing, check out my Facebook page! If you'd like to see some of my jewelry, please go to my website! Twitter handle: Facebook URL: https://www.facebook.com/Brittany-Ann-1547058825604701/?ref=aymt_homepage_panel

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