Love is one of the most wonderful things that can happen to someone. To experience love fully means to open yourself up, and become vulnerable. It means letting someone in, with the chance they could potentially hurt you.
And they have.
So if you are hurt right now, I’d like to take a moment to congratulate you, for being brave enough to love.
Right now, I’m sure it feels like the biggest mistake of your life.
I’m sure you’ve cried so much, you’re out of tears. I’m sure you’ve drank so much, your tolerance is at a new high. I’m sure you wake up with a physical pain inside you.
“She's the first thing I think about everyday. How is she? Does she miss me like I miss her? How do I get her back? And then another day without her begins.” -One Tree Hill
And everyone tells you these things, like it’ll get easier. Or you’ll meet someone better, or my favorite, when you have to listen to a whole story, of how someone else got hurt years ago.
It doesn’t help. It doesn’t change the fact that the pain you are feeling right now, is consuming your entire being.
It doesn’t change the lonilessness you feel as you go tp sleep in a bed too big for one. It doesn’t diminish the silence of your cell phone, that seems to be screaming, as you hope they will text you.
Right now in this moment, you feel as if you’ve hit rock bottom.
I’m not here to tell you get over it. I’m not here to tell you, go on dates or go out with your friends and have fun. No matter what you do, no matter who you see, it doesn’t change the feelings you have in this moment.
So what I am going to tell you, is something I only learned, after experiencing my first heartbreak.
1. Don’t go on dates, if you aren’t ready. The worst thing you can do, is date when you are lonely and not ready. It’ll leave you settling. It’ll leave another person hurt. It’ll leave you even more lonely, because the only thing worse than being alone, is being with someone who makes you feel lonely.
2. Don’t be afraid to take a step back. It took me a very long time and many shitty relationships in between, to realize I wasn’t actually ready to be dating. Don’t be afraid to be alone. Don’t be afraid to establish what you want. Don’t be afraid of trying to improve yourself.
3. Don’t be afraid to be selfish. Work to make yourself an better individual. Don’t work to forget. I made that mistake. I put my breakup completely on the back burner. I let myself become consumed with everyone and everything else. I covered up a wound instead of giving myself time to heal and as a result it took a lot longer.
4. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. There’s a process to heartbreak. That includes annoying the shit out of every one of your friends, as you replay every detail, and wonder how it got to where it is right now. It’s okay to talk about it. It’s okay to not understand. It’s okay to try and understand. That takes time.
5. Don’t be afraid to remove them from social media. When we get dumped it’s actual scientific facts, that you become more attracted to someone when they reject you. Rejection triggers a higher levels of dopamine within the brain, which is a chemical controlling craving and addiction. Also a higher level of serotonin is released, which controls obsessive thoughts. You aren’t crazy, when you are constantly thinking of your ex and facebook stalking them. But it might not be a bad idea to just remove them. It's a tough step but sometimes the toughest things, are the best for you.
If I can remind you of anything, it’s that it will get easier. Like hangovers, time is the only thing that can heal this. If I can give you something to hold onto, one day it’s not gonna hurt anymore. One day, they won’t be your first thought in the morning. One day you will heal from this.
But until then, do whatever you have to that feels right. There is no time limit to getting over someone. There are no rules you need to follow. Just as you couldn’t control falling in love with them, you can’t control falling out of love with them either.
But until we get to that point, where you can look back at this with a smile, instead of tears, I’ll be here to walk with you as we endure this together. Because while you might feel alone right now, the way I see it is, we’re all alone and we're all in it together.
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