My husband is my best friend. I know that lots of people, particularly women, say that they are married to their best friend. The question is should a woman’s best friend be her husband?
Being Best Friends Is a Big Responsibility
Having a husband that really is your best friend can be an amazing experience. I can speak from experience. We do almost everything together. We’ve been close to inseparable since the day we met almost three years ago. We have an incredibly honest relationship with open lines of communication. That’s not to say that we don’t spend time a part (because we do).
If your husband is your best friend, then you can talk to him about literally anything. There is no fear involved about him thinking that something you will say or bring up is stupid. There is no subject that’s totally taboo (although some things are best left a mystery – such as bathroom habits).
A husband that is a best friend is more than just someone to talk to when you need it. It’s more than just someone to hang out or go shopping with. There is a big responsibility in having your spouse as your best friend. Just like you are able to talk to him about everything without fear of judgment, you must offer the same thing to him: a judgment free relationship.
So many wives spend time putting down their husband behind their back and some even say mean things in front of them. That’s simply not okay. You wouldn’t treat your best friend from school like that. You simply must say more nice things than you do negative things. After all, you wouldn’t want your best friend saying negative things to you all the time. They wouldn’t be your best friend; you’d consider that person your enemy.
Best Friend Pitfalls
There are pitfalls for people who have their spouse as their best friend. Let’s start with the obvious. It’s not healthy to totally rely on one person to meet all of your needs. It’s not good for you and it’s not good for your spouse to not have other friends. It’s not good for you because you’ve decided to place your ability to be happy on the shoulders of one person. Your happiness is related directly to you and no one else. You can’t reasonably expect someone to be 100% interested in everything that you are interested in; they can’t be available 24/7 even in a world where we can remain digitally connected. As such, you must have the ability and the drive to do things alone or meet other friends. It’s not good for your spouse because that’s a lot of pressure. In addition to their own responsibilities, they also feel responsible for you. Your spouse needs other friends as well.
Another issue is that you may find yourself holding on more to the friendship than the marriage. As I stated earlier, some things should just remain secret. It’s great to base your marriage or your relationship off of a deep friendship. However, remember that you are in a romantic relationship. That means you should not consider your spouse as just your room mate (or even worse – your parent who picks up after you). Over familiarity has a habit of breeding more than contempt. It can also breed an unsexy attitude toward your partner.
You do not have to have all of the same interests. You should celebrate your unique traits. Being best friends doesn’t mean that you always love the things that your partner loves. I still don’t watch Star Wars or Star Trek…and that’s okay. My husband is still my best friend. I don’t have every single thing in common with my closest female friends, either. Yet, we still manage to maintain healthy and extremely close relationships.
Know how to complain appropriately. There’s a fine line between complaining to someone and making them feel as if they are the problem. Don’t play the blame game. Think about what you say before you say it (even if you’re venting). If you just want your husband to listen, then tell him that. Men tend to want to solve problems. So, if you don’t let him know that you just need an ear, then he might start giving you ways to solve a problem that you didn’t want (and then a fight will erupt because he “never listens”). Men, learn this phrase: “Do you want me to just listen or to help you find a way to figure this out?” That phrase can save you from a really bad time.
It’s a Delicate Balance
Being best friends with your spouse and keeping the marital relationship front and center is a delicate balance. It’s fine to be best friends with your spouse provided that you can maintain a healthy relationship between the two of you and still have friends outside of the relationship.
It’s important to remember to treat your husband like you would treat your female best friend: with love and respect. This person is the one that you’ve pledged to spend life with. This is the person that you will go with you through the good times and the bad times. Love, support, and friendship are the keys to a great marriage.
Remember, it’s okay to be different. You don’t have to love the same things (my husband doesn’t crochet and he doesn’t listen to Metallica). You can celebrate your differences and still be close. It’s also okay if you don’t consider your husband to be your best friend provided that you treat him with the same love and respect that you want.