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The 9 Stages of Telling Your Parents About Your New BF

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It’s great being in a new relationship. You’re laughing; you’re exploring each other; you’re having great sex. But then it comes time to tell your parents about your new boo. It can get pretty awkward — especially if you’re living at home.

1. At first you lie about it.

“Where are you going?”

“Um, out with Rachel.”

“Where?”

“The movies.”

“Oh, what are you seeing? Dad and I wanted to go, too.”

“…Nevermind, she’s sick.”

2. Getting the courage to just tell them.

They’re going to find out sooner or later. What happens if I get a flat tire? How would I explain that to them when they come get me? Better suck it up and just do it already.

3. You practice it in the mirror over and over.

The more rehearsed it is, the less painfully awkward it’ll be, right?

4. You try to pick the perfect time to spill the beans.

OK, I know Mom gets antsy around dinnertime, so maybe I should tell them in the morning. Ugh but Dad is not a morning person. F*ck it, I’ll just write them a note. Or send them a singing telegram. Or an Edible Arrangements or something.

5. When you actually do break the news…

“Mom, Dad, I’ve been seeing this guy…”

6. …But before you can finish your sentence, they give you the third degree.

Mom and Dad in Unison: “Where is he from? What does he do? Does he work in the city? How did you meet? Is he Jewish? What does he look like? Can I stalk him on Facebook? Do you have similiar interests? Do you like the same TV shows? What does he do in his spare time? Is he another musician? Is he smart? Where did he go to college? What was his major? When are you meeting his parents? When do we get to meet him? Is he marriage material?”

7. And you tell them to stop giving the third degree.

You: “Enough with the third degree.”

Mom: We want to know. What’s the big deal? It’s news to us, and what else do we have going on in our lives? Oh yeah, we’ve got laundry and dog poop to pick up.”

8. You finally regain consciousness after the drone of questions.

Wait, did they ask if they could stalk him on Facebook??

9. But you know they’re just excited for you.

Your family just wants the best for you, and that means they want you to date someone worthy of your awesomeness. They also just want to live vicariously through this next chapter in your life. Plus, if you’re anything like us, the longest relationship you’ve had is with your bed and Doritos. They’re excited to potentially see that change.


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