The Many Languages of Love: Say "I Love You" Without Actually Saying It

We all know that saying “I love you” is very important in a relationship.

However, we shouldn’t rely solely on those three words to express our feelings. There are many poignant ways of telling someone you love them without actually saying it. In the book “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, he talks about the various ways in which each individual gives and receives love. One of the main reasons for a breakup is not understanding this concept. For example, a woman may be looking for more affection in a relationship because to her, that’s what “love” means. On the other hand, a man may need more words of affirmation and verbal communication as way to feel that he is loved and appreciated. Both are valid, but understanding these love languages may be crucial in keeping a relationship together. Explore the many ways you can give and receive love, from affection, to verbal expression, to giving gifts. Brainstorm on what your honey’s perfect love gift would be –then provide! Here are five categories of love languages and tips on what to do. Get creative and put your unique flair to any of these ideas.


1. Read a love poem aloud from one of the greats that expresses your feelings about him/her. Try Rumi and Hafiz (and do it in bed – this is not a monologue.)

2. Make up a song. Either sing it on his voicemail ( that way you can erase and re-record) or sing your favorite love song to him/her. This is NOT about your voice and how well you can sing. In fact, the worse your singing voice, the more endearing.

3. Say why he’s/she’s so special and unique. If you don’t, who will?

4. Pray together. A couple that pray’s together, stay’s together.

5. Compliment him in front of friends. Why do we tend to downplay our

significant other around friends? Do the opposite. Amp them up for once.

6. Write a love note for them to find during the day. Sneak it into their wallet or purse, or on their car’s dashboard (somewhere you know they will look during the day.)

7. Write a love poem. It doesn’t have to be super poetic (although that would be cool.) A few simple words about what he/she means to you will suffice.

8. Accept your downfalls. Admit when you’re at fault. It’s okay!

9. Paint affirmations on some rocks you collect in nature. “Love”, “Power”, ”Gratitude” and “Abundance” are all good.

10. Send him a daily inspirational quote or proverb. Make it pertinent to them or you two together.

11. Ask them, “What are some ways you would like me to express my love to you?” This is important – everyone receives love differently.

12. Support their dreams. Encourage moving forward towards their ultimate goals. Say, “You can do it!

13. Know when to be silent. Sometimes shutting up works wonders.

Acts of Service 

1. Create a menu. Give options of what they’d like you to make for your date night in.

2. Write a list of all the reasons why you love him/her. Stick it on the fridge or their bathroom mirror.

3. Set out his clothes for the next day. Less time thinking about what to wear, more time thinking about how amazing you are. 😉

4. Fulfill a day of their wishes. Your answer to their every desire is “Yes”. C’mon people, everyone deserves the right to be royal for a day.

5. Offer to pitch in. Do their typical chores (switch it up!)

6. Get their car cleaned. Add a finishing touch of essential oils and a flower.


1. Create a treasure hunt. This may seem childish, but its silly and fun. Give him a map or some clues to the hidden treasure. Just make sure the treasure is something really good (you feel me?)

2. Create a vision board of your future together. Chose magazine clippings with romantic vacation spots, images of love, even your dream home together.

3. Organize a day of surprises. Go from one place to the next for a day of anticipation and excitement. Think horseback riding, hot air balloon ride, paint balling, pedicure, movie tickets. On a budget? Keep it simple with a picnic at the beach or park.

4. Record a video. Get creative – flash mob, strip tease, sing a song – just get crazy.

5. Remember their words about something they wanted and get it for them. Save up if you have too. Who doesn’t love gifts?

6. Paint or draw his/her portrait or the two of you together. Bottom line – they’ll think of you when they see it.

7. Have lunch delivered with a sweet note. Now that’s thoughtful!

8. Send him a suggestive text or photo at work. Get the imagination going!

9. Make a handmade gift. Maybe its a small sculpture of you in loving ecstasy, maybe it’s a play-doh heart, both count!

10. Create an award plaque. It can be handmade or get it made professionally for “Man of the Year” or “Mom of the Year”. You get the point.

Quality Time

1. Undivided attention. There’s nothing that says “I love you” more than listening to and observing your loved one with an open heart and mind. Being present with your sweetie says “You’re thoughts, feelings, and actions are important to me and I truly care about you!”

2. Go to a hot springs and soak. Release toxins and experience the healing waters together in sacred union.

3. Get a couples massage. This romantic endeavor screams “I love you!”

4. Light a fire in the fireplace or do a beach bonfire…kindle the flame.

5. Laugh at yourself. Being able to laugh at yourself let’s them know you are comfortable around them. Confidence is attractive.

6. Do a ridiculously silly dance. Create laughter. Stay lighthearted – why so serious?

7. Role play – He’s the student, you’re the teacher. I don’t know…make it up!

8. Get dolled up and put on his favorite fragrance. I guess another way of saying this is take care of yourself. Often, after being with someone for a while, we tend to get lazy with our appearance and upkeep. Yes, it still matters….A LOT!

9. Take a class together. Couples massage, salsa?…maybe let them pick.

10.Practice energy healing. Rub your hands together vigorously until you feel warmth emanating from your hands. With your hands hovering over hid/her body, slowly move from crown to toes, sending healing light everywhere!

Physical Touch 

1. Give a massage. Prepare a candlelit room, diffuse essential oils, and play soothing music. Break out all the stops (and don’t forget to warm the massage oil!)

2. Surprise them while they’re in the tub by sprinkling rose petals on their bath water. How luxurious!

3. Give him a lap dance. Okay, this one’s for the ladies. Lengerie, the whole nine. If you can’t picture it, try dimming the lights, lighting some candles, and putting on a cat woman or masquerade mask (or something like that). Still can’t picture it? How about putting a blindfold on him and just getting to it?

4. Foot rub. Who doesn’t love a some good reflexology? There are said to be acupressure points on the feet that can energetically “touch” every part of the body – who knew!?

5. Shower encounter. Get the party started with being the designated soaper.

6. Kissing hands. He’s your King and you his Queen (or vice versa) right? Hands are so sensitive and it feels great.

7. Hold hands – Our heart’s energy radiates through our hands – that’s what makes it so loving.

8. Make out in public – Show a little PDA. Make ’em shout “Get a ROOM!”

9. Anoint him with oils and crystals. Why not?

10. Kiss him from head to toe. Foreplay makes good…..relationships.

11. Know when its time to give him/her some space. There’s always going to be times when we need some alone time. Holding an open space and letting them know that you’re available when they need, creates a sense of extreme peace.