The Friend Zone sucks. It’s purgatory for the living. But the truth is, if you’re in The Friend Zone, it’s your fault. Because you didn’t put yourself out there when you should have. You didn’t give your friend a chance to notice you in another way, and you didn’t know when to let go.
Go ahead. Continue your complaining. Someone out there feels for you. But for everyone who feels bad for you, there’s a hundred who don’t.
It’s difficult to shift the foundations of a relationship. A friendship turned romantic relationship isn’t an easy transition. It can't just flawlessly happen one day. When someone you know, trust, and know absolutely everything about suddenly wants to kiss you, hold you, fuck you, make babies with you, and grow old with you, you begin to question everything. Was the friendship ever real? How long has it been based on a lie? How can a friendship based on a lie turn into a healthy romantic relationship?
It's likely that things would have worked out the way you wanted if you had made it clear that you had romantic and/or sexual interest the minute you felt it. But you didn't do that. You pushed your friend away when you continued a falsified friendship. All this time you lied to them, and you also lied to yourself. You did the same things you always did. You went out, you gave each other advice, you trusted each other. But it was all a lie. Are you really such good friends if you can keep something like that a secret? And are you really being yourself if you’re hiding something that’s so important to you?
If your friend is aware of your feelings and you stay friends, the pain you feel is entirely on you. You made the hard decision to stay friends with them. And you also made the decision to fall for them. It’s not their fault that they aren’t interested you in the same way. But it is your fault if you’re hung up on someone you know you’ll never have. You put your friend in an awkward position. Being friends with someone you know is in love with you is just as uncomfortable as loving someone who isn’t interested. Two people always get hurt in The Friend Zone, never just one. And it’s never, ever, ever your friend’s fault for being true to their heart.
Life is not a movie. And there’s not even that many movies about a woman realizing she’s actually in love with her friend who is in hopelessly in love with her . . . because it so rarely happens in real life. You are not Mark Ruffalo, sorry.
Own up to your feelings. And let them go, along with your friend. If you can detach yourself from these romantic feelings, it’s more likely that you can be just friends again one day. Or, you can continue to be miserable and cry a river that will further define the line of The Friend Zone, separating you forever.
