We’ve all been there. You start dating a guy and things seem to be going well, then all of a sudden, he starts pulling away. The standard excuse is that “he’s just not ready”, but what does he actually mean by that?
Is it just an excuse because he doesn’t want to flat out say he’s not into you anymore, or did he suddenly realize that he’s not ready for a commitment? Deciding whether or not you should give him some time to come around depends on the real reasons behind this frequently-used excuse.
He says he’s not ready because he’s too busy with work, but he really means he’s afraid that a serious relationship will interfere with his ability to advance his career.
If you’re dating a guy who is in the prime of his career, but also at the age where he’s starting to think about having a family, you may encounter this scenario. Not every guy can manage building a career and a serious relationship at the same time, and since men have a natural desire to be a provider, the career usually wins out.
If you’re willing to hold out until he establishes himself in his career, you may be able to try dating again down the road. Just remember that, until he feels secure in his career, he’s not going to be ready to settle down.
He says he’s not ready because he needs to put his kids first, but he really means that he’s nervous about bringing another woman into his children’s lives.
Dating someone with kids is a whole different ball game. Unless you are introduced to his kids fairly quickly, the only time you’ll be able to spend together is when he doesn’t have them. This requires a lot of patience from both partners, and a guy may feel pushed into introducing you to his kids before he’s really ready.
If he introduces you too soon and the relationship doesn’t work out, it’s not only the two of you that are affected, but the children as well. This really isn’t an issue you can force, because the kids should always come first. You can try to take a step back and remain friends while you get to know each other better, and once he’s completely comfortable with you, it might feel more natural for him to introduce you to the kids if you decide to start dating again.
He says he’s not ready because he just got out of a serious relationship, but he really means that he still has unresolved feelings for his ex.
This is a major red flag, and one that you should steer far away from unless you’re comfortable with being a rebound. If a guy is constantly bringing up his previous relationship, and then makes that relationship the excuse for ending things with you, it’s time to hold your head high and walk as fast as you can in the other direction.
Until he resolves his feelings about his ex, he’ll never be able to open up his heart to you. You deserve a man who is willing and able to love you with every fiber of his being, and that’s impossible if half of those fibers are still tied up in his ex. If you really like him, give him some space to work through his feelings and tell him to contact you when he’s absolutely sure he’s moved on from his ex.
Wait for the guy who’s ready for you the first time around, without any reservations.
You aren’t a revolving door and you deserve so much better than a guy who isn’t sure about you from the very beginning. Why would you want to be half-loved or left begging for someone’s attention when there are so many other men out there who would cherish you from the start?
Be up-front and honest about your expectations for the relationship from the very beginning to avoid having to hear one of these excuses. Tell the guy you’re dating that you’re expecting a commitment within a certain timeframe and what you’ll need from him in order to feel fulfilled in the relationship. If he’s not willing to give you those things, wish him the best and move on. There is someone out there who will give you everything you want and more, if you are willing to be patient and wait for him.
Lindsay is a writer and single mom whose mission is to remind other women going through a divorce or breakup that they are strong, beautiful, and worthy of all the good things life has to offer. You can find more of her writing on her blog or follow her on Instagram.