“Sometimes love means letting go when you want to hold on tighter.” ?Melissa Marr
Your love was pure.
But I wasn’t ready for it. You came into my life at a time where my heart was still broken, and I was looking for my missing pieces in all the wrong places. When I was with you—I wasn't ready to commit—I had one eye wandering at the options. But now I understand that those options were bullshit – it’s all an illusion, it was just my ego saying, “I want the intangible more,” and my fears screaming, “You're not ready to be happy, to be vulnerable…you don't deserve this…”
I couldn’t love you like I wanted to because I gave all my love away to someone who didn't deserve it. And I wish, so badly, that I could have given it all to you. Because you are the only one who deserves it. I wanted to give you everything, all of me. But I just couldn’t. Not then.
I just dim your stars.
You deserve someone who will give you the world. Believe me, I know how bright you shine. How your heart is a heart of gold, how if I wasn’t broken, I would crash into you fully and never look back. But right now, I will just dim your light. Right now, I don’t deserve your love.
I’m sorry.
I tried to push you away, but you wouldn’t give up on me. You believed in us so badly that you thought there was a logical solution to unguarding my heart, tearing down my shield. But there wasn’t. The truth is, I just wasn't ready. For a new love, for closeness, for you.
You are my divinity, there is no competition, you enter a room and you are the one that people remember because your light shines brighter than anyone else’s. Believe me when I say I understand your worth.
My heart aches when you say I’m not broken, just bent. I know you love all my edges, all my roughness. My imperfections are perfect to you. I wish I met you sooner, but you have to face that you met me at a time when I wasn't ready for all your magic.
My heart has to heal.
I know that no one will love me better, I know that you love me in a way I have never been loved. But the truth is, I haven't done the work yet to be ready. If you end up with scars because of me, I will never forgive myself. Because all I want is to protect your heart.
I know it could all be so simple. But you picked a person who would rather make it hard. This is who I am. I am not simple, my mind is analytical and imaginative and I think about everything. A lot. But my heart, my heart keeps it simple. When I fall, I fall all the way. My heart is gentle, and when it broke, it broke fully. But you can’t be the one who puts it back together. Not now.
Never stop believing.
You believe in the extraordinary because you are extraordinary. You can love fully because you are not broken. And that's a gift. Please don't waste it all on me. One day, I will be ready. I know you are the one I am suppose to end up with, who makes everything brighter, better.
But right now, I will just dim your stars.
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