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Today I Lost You, And I Am Not Sorry

Today I Lost

I lost you today. Yes, I lost you.  I lost you without really ever knowing if I had you.  And I’m going to give myself some grace as I try to get these words out.  You’re going to be a tough one, period. Because I knew from day 0 that I was never going to win…how could I?  And I need you to believe that I accepted that.  But I still went for it, I had too.

Experience

Because I had to know you, I had to experience you.  And my cliché response to it all – I don’t regret a single thing.  Do you know that I love you?  I almost blurted it out one of the last times we were laying next to each other and just laughing.  I just remember being in that moment and feeling happiness and love that I haven’t felt in years, and I just wanted to tell you that I loved you right then, but I didn’t.

You Cared

I might never know how you truly feel about me, and I understand why.  But I’d like to believe you cared.  Actually, I know you did.  And I know a part of you fell for me, even if you caught yourself.  I know in this moment we’re not meant to be.  I want to get over you and move on.  I also want to know that you’re unconditionally happy.  Nobody said that this would last forever, but I would have done anything to try to get there.  But for today, I just want you to be happy.

Grateful

I can’t describe how lucky I feel to have gotten the time I had with you.  You are an amazing human being.  I hope you remember me, and the time we had together.  I hope you know how much joy and pleasure I felt from you.  I hope you felt it too.  We were good, like really good.  I hope you see yourself as I see you…for who you are, the compassion in your heart and that, ‘bring me to my knees’ smile.