I think we have all crossed paths with that one person, the one person who’s devil eyes almost looked inviting, in the darkness, and like the Grim Reaper he took our hand into the darkness with false promises and a coy smile.
You were showered in compliments and morning texts telling you, you were beautiful. He almost seemed too good to be true. He was handsome, charming and full of gifts, making you feel like you were the only woman in his life.
But you didn’t know, with the good would come so much bad and he would sucker you into a vortex in which you had no way of escaping out of.
Kind words turned into screaming fights, in which he was making you feel guilty of things and manipulating you. You tried to understand, but with every step you took closer, he took two more back. Suddenly you were doing this dance in the darkness, that only he knew the moves to, and every time you stumbled and fell, he continued to kick to the ground.
And in a sequence events, of fighting, he reappears from the darkness after leaving you alone for so long, with a sincere apology and words of, “but I love you.”
Sometimes a toxic relationships aren’t always defined as physically abusive, but they can be verbal abuse and mentally abusive.
To engage in a relationship with someone so complimented, and who changes moves like it’s a game in chess, we don’t see the negative affect it has on us. We forgive, thinking forgiveness is making us a better person, without failing to realize it’s that same forgiveness, that is showing weakness and sending him the same message; he can continue. We don’t see the affect this negativity on the bad days has on our lives and our overall well being. Our friends watch us engage with these people, and it is an act of self-destruction as they look at us with sorrow, repeating you deserve better. They say in life we pick our own poison, but do you have to pick one so vile.
The calls and texts at two AM, the messing with your head, the caring about you one day, and ignoring your texts the next, the mean words are still said, even if an apology follows it. And maybe you have been sucked into this so long you feel a sense of connection to him, you know what he has gone through, but going through a bad experience, shouldn’t be an excuse to treat people badly.
He know yours experiences as well, he knows some of your deepest secrets, that no one else knows. Maybe that’s why you stay, he has acquired so much information about you he has the power to destroy you at the snap of a finger, if he wants to, so you grow afraid. Fear has a way of controlling us, and allowing us to do things we wouldn’t normally do. Little do you realize, he’s not looking to destroy you in one shot. He’s looking to break you, bit after bit just and destroy you over a long period of time.
Toxic people have a way of needing others to validate their worth, by hurting them in the process. They feel they cannot control their own lives, so when they can control your life it’s gives them false stability.
If ever you are in a relationship with one of these types of people, I know how hard it is to let go. I know the feeling of thinking you love them. I know there is good along with the bad. And I know part of you doesn’t believe you can live without them, because they have played a major role in your life.
But I am here to tell you a few things.
You can’t love half of one person. It isn’t healthy to only be happy with someone half the time. It isn’t healthy to go to sleep upset, only to be woken by a text at 2AM. It isn’t healthy to lose yourself in the arms of another, and allow them to control you. We are our own problems and we are our own solutions. You must be brave enough to walk away, you must be strong enough to ignore those calls and text, you must try not to feel butterflies, when they give you attention on their time. You deserve better than that, and I promise the moment you really let him go, the moment you get out of that darkness, you’ll see light and in that light you will come across people who will never make you feel the way he did.
A healthy relationship begins first with letting go of the unhealthy relationship you think you need. You will be surprised with your ability to stand on your own, you will be surprised with what life has to offer you, when you realize what you deserve. It through experiencing the things we don’t deserve, then putting our foot down and not allowing it, we then find someone who treats us better than anyone before.
So if you are one of those people, who don’t know if they should let go listen to me, if I were to make you a promise, you’ll meet someone twice the man he is, if you had the courage to let him go, would you? Cutting people out of our lives is a difficult thing to do, but sometimes cutting the right people out is essential for our overall well being.
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