Independent Women – Cause and Effect

A strong woman is busy, and she is self assured. Usually she is confident and takes great care of herself. So why on earth does she wind up with emotionally unavailable men? Why is it that independent women always seem to choose the emotionally unavailable men? 

Why Choose Emotionally Unavailable?

When a woman is independent she wants control over her domain. Her choices, really. And that goes for everything from when she goes to the spa. What she buys herself. And what yoga retreat she goes on, and even what she buys her man. If the man is emotionally unavailable, he tends to be less clingy and won’t take the same issues with a strong woman than say, a super sensitive guy.

An Independent woman will keep her boundaries. She needs these in order to breathe. So what if the guy she is having intimacy with doesn’t have high emotionally capacity. Last time I checked that is what girlfriends are for!

Our Upbringing

The cold hard truth is we have usually seen spouses within the domain of the home through our parents. And usually in a negative way. Meaning someone was a liability to the other parent. Emotionally, financially or both. So in some respects our financial independence is a result of that and a backlash to the “stay at home mom”, or Dad “who did not love” affectionately.  An emotionally unavailable relationship protects us from having a false sense of security.

The Setbacks

There are emotional setbacks to being such an independent woman. We lose our softness. Something that deep down, if we weren’t kidding ourselves we’d recognize. Women want to be loved and cherished. But to trust another to care for us, and someone we can depend on is SCARY. We don’t want that kind of pressure. And we won’t get that from an emotionally unavailable man.