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You Didn't Know What You Had Until I Left You

“They paved paradise, and put up a parking lot.”  – Big Yellow Taxi, Joni Mitchell

I remember when I first met you. 

I was only a teenager, and was as big of a social outcast as you could imagine. You, for some reason, thought I was cool enough to hang out with your in-crowd and invited me to tag along. Being the nerd I was, I did whatever I could to prove myself worthy in your eyes. 

At one point or another, you stopped respecting me, started to use me, and then later began to be downright abusive. You shouldn’t have been so shocked when I sent you that last text message telling you it’s over. 

You never realized how much I did for you. 

I wore the things you liked me wearing. I did everything you told me to do, often without question. If you told me to jump, I’d ask how high. I literally traveled hours just to be with you for one night, and you just took that for granted. 

I actually understood you. 

You were a lot more complex than you let on, and few in your crowd “got” you the way I did. Unlike them, I actually liked you for you, rather than that fact that you were Mr. Popular. 

With you, it was always take, take, take. 

Looking back, I don’t think I really remember you giving me much of anything except headaches, a couple of invitations to parties, and a bunch of fake friends. On the other hand, I’d given you cash to support yourself, love, affection, and loyalty you honestly didn’t deserve. 

You took until I had no more to give. 

You were like a leech, slowly sucking the life out of me. By the time I chose to leave, my health, my finances, and just about everything else was a hollow shell of what it once was. Even my friends said I looked physically drained. 

I don’t even think you realized how much you hurt me. 

By the time I had made the decision to leave, I didn’t recognize myself anymore. I was not the innocent, sweet person that you had in your bed. That innocent, giving part of me died because of you. 

I know I don’t deserve the way you treated me. 

That’s why I left. I left because I couldn’t take it anymore. I left because I knew I deserved more than what you gave me. 

I guess you realized I’m not coming back. 

You had the nerve to smirk when I walked away from you that last time, thinking I'd be back. Well, the joke's on you these days. The funny thing about good women is that we eventually wise up and leave the people who don’t deserve us. When you call me, I hang up the phone. When you try to get my attention, I turn my back to you. 

I know you regret it all. 

I know you’re sorry. You don’t even have to say it. I know the kind of company that you keep, and I also am aware of how rare it is for someone to actually care about you instead of your status and title. I know that it took you a while to realize how rare I am, and how rare it is to have someone who would go to the ends of the earth just to see you smile. 

Truth is, I stopped caring about you a while back. 

The fact is that there are a lot of people out there who had told me, in plain English, how awful you were for me. I’m glad I eventually decided to listen to them. Once I realized how little I was losing by leaving you, it was hard for me to even look back. 

That being said, I don’t wish you ill. 

I just hope you find someone you deserve. Take that as you will.