All those times we looked up at the sky, looking out so far we felt like we could fly.
First love is an odd concept. Love in general is something I have spent years guarding myself from. Despite that and how many times I tell myself or others that I’m happy on my own at the moment, which I am?—?I am finding myself and starting to live my life for me and I am happier than I’ve been in a very long time?—?I want the romance. I want love, I want a marriage and a family. I am not anywhere near being ready for that right now, but eventually, it is something that I want. I always have. I just haven’t met that person.
It has been something I’ve been thinking a lot about, particularly today?—?for reasons very clear to me?—?which is why I am writing this quick post. April fourteenth is and always will be a big deal to me. Which brings me back to the whole ‘first love’ thing. People say you never forget your first. Your first love stays with you always and I never realized just how true that was until recently.
This boy, this love?—?he is a love so pure and eternally innocent. A middle school crush turned best friend turned skinny love. He came into my life at a time when I needed the emotional connection to someone more than I thought I did even at the time. Looking back at it now, if I didn’t have him then, I don’t know if I would have made it through my parent’s divorce or my downward spiral of a relationship with my mom. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have survived my dad being diagnosed with cancer without him. He gave me something nobody else ever had, and at sixteen, it was everything I needed.