Because You Left, My Son and I Can Thrive

The day you left us, you didn’t leave us behind. You left us ahead, and I’ll tell you why.

Because the day you left us, I thought my life was over. It hurt so much because I thought I loved you. But more importantly, I thought you loved us.

The day you left us, I had no idea what I was supposed to do. 18, pregnant, and clueless. For awhile I thought I needed you. I thought that I couldn’t raise a human being by myself. I had no faith in my strength. But, when your communication got weaker, I got stronger.

I started to realize that I didn’t need you and neither did he.

When your communication stopped completely, I had already given up on you. Giving up was the hardest decision of my life. Not because it was a decision I was making for myself, but for the life I was carrying inside of me.

How do you decide when to cut an (incompetent) father out of your child’s life? For me, it was when you decided you no longer wanted to be a father, and proved so with your actions.

As I went through the remainder of my child bearing journey alone, I got stronger. Every day I didn’t hear from you, I got stronger.

But the day I became aware of the strength I had acquired without you, was the day our son was born. That day, he became MY son. When I held MY son for the first time, I knew, in that moment, we were all we needed.

Of course that day you were nowhere to be found and quite frankly, I didn’t even notice. That day, I met the true love of my life and his name is Emmett. That day, I created an unbreakable bond with MY son. Since then, we’ve been unstoppable.

And all without you.

The day you left, you gave me the opportunity to find myself. You gave me the opportunity to be the one he admires. You gave me the opportunity to take credit for all of his accomplishments. You gave me the opportunity to receive every ounce of his love and laughter. He won’t ever thank you for anything, but he will thank me for it all.

You gave me the the most extraordinary bond with MY son. And for that I thank you.

The day you left, you gave my son the opportunity to grow up without you. For the longest time, I didn’t think that was something to be thankful for. But now, he won’t have the chance to be broken by you.

He won’t have the chance to learn from you. He won’t have the chance to grow up and be like you. You gave him the opportunity to be a million times the man you ever dreamed of being. And for that I thank you.

The day you left, you gave us the opportunity to prosper in life far past your ability.

The day you left, you did not leave us behind, you left us ahead. Because without you, we can now conquer the world.

“…and then there were two.”

Happy Fathers Day To The Absent Father Who Made Me Stronger.

For those of us who have an absent father. A dad that is alive but was never really there for use Fathers Day is not an exciting time of year. I actually get a lot of anxiety about this day. It is not my intention to hurt anyone else feelings but the truth is, Fathers Day brings up a lot of painful memories. 

 

As I stand here in Target in the middle of the card isle looking through the cards, I am looking for a very simple Happy Fathers Day. However, as I read through them I start to feel a little sad. One card says, thank you dad for always being there. In my mind I am thinking about all the times that you werent there. All the times when I was little and really did not even know who you where. 

 

 

I am transfixed right there. I see the nights that you were drinking and decided going to a buddys house was more important then spending time with me.

 

Or when you were drinking and you where fighting with everyone in the house. It was so loud that most nights It was hard to go to sleep. Then there were the nights that you would call the house that I was staying at until three or four in the morning because you where drinking. In these moments it was very apparent that your feelings about how life was going meant much more than what was best for me. 

 

When we first started talking again, I thought these where things that I could get past. That I would be able to forgive. I thought that we were going to have a different relationship. I thought that now because I am an adult that I would not need you the way that I did anymore and so things would be different. Then I found myself in need of your help. I came to you like I was always told that I could and you told me you just couldnt do anything to help me. The literal answer was, well you are an adult now so you should be able to figure this out. 

 

I was heartbroken, yes I figured it out, but in this moment I knew that I was on my own.

 

 

I would never be able to just go to my dad and ask for his help. So durning this Fathers day I am looking for a new relationship. One with a lot lower expectations than I have had pervious. I almost feel like I need to have no expectations for the relationship. It is not for lack of hope for a relationship. I just think our relationship will not be the same as a normal father daughter relationship will be. 

 

 

I will also say that our relationship has taught me some hard life lessons. No, maybe I should not have had to learn them as earl in life or through our relationship. However, one of the biggest things that Have learned is how to be strong and independent. As well as, how I will raise my children. No, I cannot guarantee that the person I choose to be their father will never disappoint them. However, I as their mother will be able to say. I am here and show them that I am here no matter what. I will be gladly do what I can to help them through life. 

 

So, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I do have the strength and the will power to keep going no matter what. That yes, I can figure it out on my own even though I should not have had too. I am strong for the lack of relationship that we have had. I also know that this is not the relationship that I will have with my own children. Instead I will break the cycle!

Fatherless And Fierce

Growing Up Without A Father

What does every girl want in her life? Well besides marrying her soul mate,  is her father being supportive. When a father leaves because of abuse, drugs, or he’s a workaholic, or he just does, it has been proven to hurt that daughter(s) more than the son(s). And it hurts more on certain days like…

Fathers Day

Everyone is with their Father on this Day Of Celebration. Except more than half the woman across the world. It may just be one of those days just like every other but deep down its not, to you it is like seeing every other girl in the world be happy holding hands, spending the day with, hanging out, loving, seeing, being with their Father, everyone except for you.

Graduation-

Graduating is one of the most important days in everyone’s life including Fathers and Mothers. Graduating is a thank you to them,  and in a way telling them you raised this grad and that you helped them become this person.

Wedding Day-

Your wedding day isn’t just about you it’s about how far you have come in life and it seems like you are just beginning but honestly you are. And you are starting a brand new chapter in your life and it’s not only about you it’s also about your parents.

Strong girls, without Dads, stay strong. And be grateful for who you are becoming. You are Fatherless and fierce.

5 Heartfelt Questions for the Dad Who Left

Why?

The one word question bounces around my head, day in and day out, since the day you left.  Years go by, and this question still remains.

This is the toughest one to ask, but one that I will always be searching for the answer to.  What was the reason?  There had to be something.  How could I not see this coming?

 

Was it my fault?

Though it is the most cliché and seemingly obvious question to answer, I cannot help to think that I had something to do with it.

I mean, I don’t think I was that bad of a kid, but I was a kid, what did I know?  If it wasn’t me, was it one of my siblings?  Were we too much to handle?

 

Saying Goodbye To My Father Who Was Never Going To Love Me

A roughed up, torn up, coming apart tin man sits on my office couch. Its one of two stuffed animals that have stayed with me past childhood and into adulthood. Why the tin man? Why was this particular stuffed animal so important?

 

Well because that’s the one my father bought me. And that’s the only memory I have of us doing something special together. It was The Wizard of Oz on ice and I can barely remember it.

 

But I remember the excitement waiting for him to come pick me up. I remember that feeling I had that night.  I remember the end where he told me I could pick out any gift I wanted from the show and something drew me to the tin man. Was the show even good? Did I even enjoy it? I don’t remember that.

 

To The Sperm Donor Who Thinks He’s A Father

To the guy out there who thinks he’s a dad because he helped create a beautiful life and that’s about it, get a clue.

 

Just because I put on a nice face and talk to you respectfully doesn’t mean I am not hating you inside for the worthless man and “father” that you are. 

 

The call you make every couple months to ask “how’s he doing?” or the occasional excuse of why you don’t help financially support your child doesn’t really make the cut on the parent definition. 

 

My favorite is when you get some itch to try and be father of the year and call every other day for a couple weeks tops before you vanish completely down your hole for another few months. 

 

Don’t think the toy you sent on Christmas makes up for the one you didn’t send on his birthday. Or the fact that you haven’t seen him in 3 years, more than half his life, will ever be acceptable in his or my eyes. 

Let’s Be Real, I Was Never Your ‘Daddy’s Little Girl’ and I Never Will Be

I am so sorry that you felt the need to leave us back then. I know that so many years have passed, maybe even decades, but I need you to understand the sadness that I still carry with me to this very second.

I’m all grown up now but I need you to know how badly you hurt your little pumpkin.

For years I would cry when it was time to hang up the phone when you would call once a week to say hello.

I could never make it from the phone in the kitchen to my pillow fast enough to mask the tears from Mom.

I missed my Daddy.

I would cry for you out of the car window as our weekends together came to a halt. Our time together never seemed to last long enough for my tiny little heart.

Quickly, all of those happy moments turned into angry memories. How could you walk away from me? How could you possibly love your little princess as you turn your face away?

Your weekly phone calls turned into monthly voicemails that I saved for evidence against you. And just like that, in the snap of a finger, your little princess wanted nothing to do with you.

That little girl finally realized that her sadness was not her fault.

It was your choice to walk away from your family, none of this was my fault.

I hope that every moment you missed me chips at your heart for the rest of your entire life.

I’m all grown up, and I don’t need you. I never needed you; It has taken me this long to accept that.

I will never be Daddy’s little girl.

To the Girl With Daddy Issues

To The Girl With Daddy Issues

I’m not to sure as to what exactly the issue is between you and your biological father. However, I am here to tell you that the struggles we deal with because of this issue are most likely very similar.

I would agree with you 110% if you were to come up to me and tell me that not having a father figure sucks. Plain sucks. It really does, and you are not alone. There are just a few things I would like for you to remember throughout all of this.

You don’t need him

Yes, you want him in your life, but you don’t need him. Chances are you are a twenty-something genius. You have made it this far without him and having him in your life this far down the road will not impact you the way that you think.

 

Don’t avoid meeting him

One thing to remember if you have never met him is that you don’t want to live with regrets. If he is being difficult and doesn’t want to meet you, then that is one thing.

The thoughts I share with you in this article will help you deal with that. If he isn’t against meeting you or is curious as well, then by all means, DO IT.

You need closure. Maybe even meeting him will make you realize why he isn’t in your life to begin with, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 

11 Struggles Only Fatherless Daughters Will Understand

 

The importance of a father figure

It’s a role, that, for a child, it’s importance is something that cannot be disputed. And it doesn’t matter what gender you are, a healthy relationship with your father can have a direct impact on your social and emotional development.

Every girl wants to be a daddy’s girl, but sadly, not every girl has the chance.

My father passed away when I was young. At this point, I have lived the majority of my life without him. Whether or not your father was voluntary or involuntary absent, many of the struggles that follow can be very similar.

The difficulty of growing up without a father figure will continue to reveal itself in the closest of your relationships, in the quietest of your thoughts, and in the most seemingly insignificant moments.

 

Some (or all) of these struggles may apply to you:

 

1. You experience an increased need for approval. Not only from males, but from females as well.

 

2. You have somewhat unrealistic expectations in your romantic relationships.

 

3. Over time, you have built a nearly impenetrable fortress around your own heart to ensure that no man will ever be able to hurt you. Knocking that fortress down is a long, crumbling, and painful process. But there is so much beauty in the breaking.

 

4. You have a habitual fear of being left by your significant other. You want all the quality time, regardless of if that person needs some time for themselves.

 

5. You have an increased subconscious need for male affirmation. This can even be true in your career…

 

 

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