Tag: addiction

How to Broach a Difficult Topic With a Friend

 

You care about your friends, maybe even love them like family. Because of that, you want what’s best for them. Your desire to help requires you to bring up challenging subjects from time to time.

 

If you have legitimate concerns about approaching certain issues, your friend might not respond warmly, at least at first. You need to tread lightly to avoid creating a permanent rift.

 

With that in mind, here are hints for how to broach five difficult topics with a friend because sometimes, love requires tough conversations.

Their Health

You walk a particularly fine line when talking about health. Many people understandably resent health advice that comes from someone other than their doctor. It’s usually better to remain quiet unless their habits pose an immediate threat to their health or that of others.

 

For example, if you notice your friend’s drinking going from the occasional happy hour indulgence to a nightly bottle, you should express your concern lovingly and tactfully. Please try to avoid triggering words like “alcoholic,” and instead, say something like, “I’ve noticed you are drinking more than usual lately. Is there something going on that you need to vent?”

 

Try to encourage activities that don’t revolve around problematic behavior. If your friend is in recovery from drugs and alcohol, much of their former existence may have centered around substance use — so help them to keep busy. Create a sober environment and encourage new interests that can occupy their time.

Their Partnership

A person’s marriage, like their dietary choices, is generally off-limits to outside discussion. However, you must act as a loving friend if you suspect someone you care about is caught in an abusive relationship.

 

If you do, please let your friend know that you are concerned about their safety — when their partner is nowhere within earshot, of course. Reassure them that the circumstances are not their fault and that you will support them no matter what they decide to do. Please don’t pressure them into leaving if they don’t feel ready — even a trauma therapist can’t make that determination for another.

 

However, you can help them create a safety plan to get out in a hurry if need be. As an outsider, you can assist with finding alternative living arrangements, even job leads, if they decide to flee.

 

Their Children 

“Don’t you love getting unsolicited advice,” said no parent, ever. Assuming your friend isn’t abusing their child, you have to be careful issuing parenting tips.

 

Please remember that what worked for you and your children may not do the trick for others. Each child is a unique human being — and parents embrace various styles that might not match what you did with your littles. Different doesn’t mean negative.

 

Instead of offering tips, listen and ask questions. Let your friend broach the topic — they will if they want your help.

 

Their Career 

You might feel most comfortable helping your friends with career advice. They may even ask you for tips on how to succeed if you do well while they struggle.

 

However, you still need to exercise tact to avoid sounding like a know-it-all. If your friend is struggling to find a position that pays a living wage, it’s not helpful to recite platitudes about “working your way back up the ladder” — especially if they recently lost a lucrative position amid the pandemic and find themselves in today’s market.

 

However, if they want tips on how to rock their next office happy hour, feel free. Likewise, if you can connect them with available opportunities, they’ll remember your kindness.

 

Their Behavior 

You love your friend for all their quirks — flaws make your pal unique and human. However, if you notice destructive behavioral patterns, please find a caring way to address them. Your friend might not realize that their sarcastic “must be nice” response makes you reluctant to share the news of your upcoming vacation or bathroom remodel.

 

Instead of avoiding them, first, try letting them know how their behavior makes you feel. Use plenty of I-statements so that you don’t sound accusatory or start an argument.  “I feel nervous sharing my good news with you because I’m afraid it will make you feel resentful,” facilitates honest communication much better than, “You’re always such a grouch. What’s the point of even trying to talk with you?”

 

Know How to Broach These 5 Difficult Topics With a Friend

It’s challenging to bring up the five emotionally charged subjects above. However, sometimes true friendship requires you to have conversations about difficult topics — use these tips to help.

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About The Author

Oscar Collins is the managing editor at Modded. He writes about cars, fitness, the outdoors, and more. Follow @TModded on Twitter for more articles from the Modded team.

Dancing With the Devil – Inside Demi Lovato’s Life

Demi Lovato, pop singer and actress superstar, has been open about her mental health and addiction struggles. She recently put out a documentary on her life, Dancing With the Devil. The first two episodes aired on YouTube on March 23th. And two more episodes will air on March 30th and April 6th. In this documentary, Demi, her friends, family, and crew discuss her most recent, near-fatal overdose in 2018.

The documentary covers everything from family issues to eating disorders to being in the spotlight from such an early age and hits the hard, raw points of addiction.

From someone who is coming up on five years of sobriety, this documentary was extremely hard to digest. I was in tears within the first five minutes because I wasn’t expecting such detail about Demi’s overdose. Although there is a disclaimer before the documentary, the cast goes on to explicitly describe the situations.

 

That, in itself, is enough to hit someone hard – let alone someone who has a history of drug abuse.

Drug addiction is one of the most dangerous epidemics. The number of people who battle addiction and alcoholism is through the roof, and much more than we think. We have seen the demise of so many Hollywood stars – and some don’t end the way that Demi’s did.

 

Addiction and alcoholism have taken icons over the years. Prince, Michael Jackson, Heath Ledger, Amy Winehouse, Mac Miller, to name a few.

In her documentary, Demi talks about being sexually assaulted by her drug dealer, emancipating from her addict and alcoholic father, the on and off eating disorder she battled for a good part of her life, how she was able to hide her addiction from those close to her, her mental illness struggles… All of the conversations we should be having but aren’t.

 

The stigma around mental illness and addiction is still in place, which is partly why it has taken so many good people.

In this documentary doctors and family talk about the health problems that happened due to Demi’s overdose – specifically how she had three strokes and a heart attack, along with a tube that was sewed into her neck that filtered her blood. When she first woke up, she was legally blind and still has blind spots. It really is a miracle that she is alive today, and the doctors said that if she didn’t get care for another 5-10 minutes, she would have died.

 

Demi really was given a second chance at life, which is something not a lot of people are able to say.

If you haven’t watched Demi’s documentary, it is available for free to view on YouTube. We are able to see that even though she is loved by fans and is a role model for young women, she still has her faults, flaws, and downfalls.

 

If you or anyone you know is struggling with addiction, please call the SAMHSA hotline at 1-800-662-4357 or look for a program meeting near you.

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About the Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Playing Your Song

Let’s start from the end of the story and work our way back to the beginning. A miracle happened, you came back. One look at you and my questions were answered. I was a wanderer’s daughter and you were a rolling stone.

It was an exciting time-the universe heard me after 19 years! My dad was here, and as a bonus, I had a half-brother. How could this all be happening to me? I felt like the luckiest girl in the world. I had a big extended family all of a sudden: countless cousins, uncles, aunts. The picture-perfect life that I prayed for was here. It was everything I wanted. It was everything that everyone else had growing up. I was finally like everyone else.

The truth is that I had no clue what I was in for upon your return.

Three months passed. We were together every weekend. You were carefree, confident, and always had people around– I had so much fun with you. Life was a party, and you were the planner. That was your lifestyle; you dropped in and you left. You never stayed anywhere too long. 

I remember very little of our time together. On one occasion, Ivisited you in Mastic Shirley. When it was time for me to head home you drove me to the LIRR. It was snowing that night, but the train was coming in a few minutes so we said goodbye and I’ll see you next weekend. There were no trains that night. All train schedules were canceled. I was left alone. Again. This time on a train track freezing and far away from home. Eventually, you returned after a family member contacted you endlessly. On your return, you were happy to see me and absent-minded of your careless behavior. I realized then I was just another passing person you dropped off at the train. I wasn’t your daughter that you left at the train station.

That night we returned to your house, and you started playing music and loud. We were hanging out. He liked rock music. You said to me, “Whenever I heard this song. I thought of you; this is your song.” The loud music tripled, and the house vibrated. Sweet Child of Mine by Guns and Roses started playing. With my seat shaking, I remember looking at him. That was my moment. The only moment I clearly remember.

The storm passed the following day, and my father and half-brother drove me to the train station once again. They waited for the train to come and watched me walk onto the train this time. We all said goodbye, and I would see them both the next weekend. I hopped on the train and headed home to Queens.

My father died that week. It was a sudden death- years of excessive hard drug use, alcoholism, and from what I saw that night, a broken heart finally took its toll.

From the moment I met my father all I could dream about was the endless exciting scenarios in my head. 

• My Wedding Day I would have a dad to walk me down the aisle!
• Dating The guys would surely not getaway with too much anymore! I had a dad and a brother now. I had backup.   
• Children When I have children they will have a grandfather now!

My point is the fairytale didn’t work out in my favor. And that’s ok. I write this for anyone that has moments of asking, “What could have been?” or “How could this happen to me? The lesson I learned is that some people are only capable of giving a little. That doesn’t mean that they don’t love you or want to be in your life. It’s simple–they are not capable of giving you the big world you deserve. 

Don’t let your daydreams fuck you. Take the time and meditate on granting second chances to people. Just because someone comes back does NOT mean you have to take them back. 

He had blue eyes, lived free, lived hard, liked rock music, and in the spaces in between, he listened to Sweet Child Of Mine and thought of me. He showed me that love is demonstrated in unconventional ways sometimes. And I am so grateful for that lesson.

Playing your song…Where do we go now? We move on. Dimensions now separate us. We are together but apart. 

My dear friend, thank you for my song. I love it with all of my heart.

 

About The Author

Dee Marian’s writing is inspired by her life experiences and holds an undeniable tone of honesty. Described by some as a sweet, dynamic, and vibrant soul, she is energized by speaking her truth in hopes that another reader can feel connected to her by collective experience.

Help Your LGBTQ Friend to Overcome Drug Addiction

Having an LGBTQ friend that is addicted to drugs can feel overwhelming. You may sincerely desire to assist them to overcome addiction but not know how to help or what exactly to do. If you bring the wrong attitude or say something wrong, they can easily feel hurt. That’s because most LGBTQ people are super volatile.

However, the concern and fear of not providing support are real. Ultimately, if your friend needs help to overcome addiction, you should provide it because substance use disorder will destroy their life completely if they don’t get assistance.

Therefore, knowing the right action to take and the words to use is very important. Today, a specialized gay rehab can offer the help that these people need to overcome addiction. If you have a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning friend that is addicted to drugs, help them seek treatment in these centers. These facilities offer customized services that meet the special needs of the LGBTQ people with the drug addiction problem.

Why LGBTQ People Are Vulnerable to Addiction

Individuals that identify themselves as LGBTQ are likely to face verbal harassment, social stigma, and social rejection than individuals that identify themselves as heterosexual. Family members, friends, and loved ones can be the source of rejection or judgment in the lives of the LGBTQ people. This can easily cause mental health issues, stress, anxiety, and even substance abuse.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that members of the LGBTQ community struggle with drug addiction and alcoholism more than the general population. According to these centers, LGBTQ adults are twice likely to abuse drugs and alcohol when compared to heterosexual individuals.

Here are statistics that reveal the truth about the drug addiction issue among the members of the LGBTQ community:

  • 20-30% of LGBTQ individuals abuse substances.
  • 25% of LGBT individuals abuse alcohol.
  • Transgender and gay individuals smoke tobacco up to 200% more than non-transgender and heterosexual people.
  • LGBTQ teens are 6 times more likely to have depression symptoms than the general population.

The society is slowly trying to improve equality for all people including the LGBTQ community. However, members of the LGBTQ community still face discrimination, social stigma, and prejudice at school, workplace, and in their interpersonal relationships.

Ways to Help Your LGBTQ Friend Overcome Drug Addiction

Most members of the LGBTQ community have difficulty seeking help with drug addiction due to the fear of discrimination and judgment even from people that can assist them. However, there are LGBT-friendly rehab centers where these people can seek help without this fear. Therefore, if your LGBTQ friend is ready to seek help with drug addiction, guide them in finding one of these facilities. If they are not, try the following.

Develop a Positive Relationship

It’s important to create an environment that enables your LGBTQ friend to open up about their addiction problem. This will make them feel comfortable to share their problems with you. Therefore, establish a positive relationship and make your friend comfortable to share on any topic with you.

Talk about things like:

  • Gender identity and sexual orientation.
  • Alcohol and drug use.
  • School or work experiences.
  • Stressors that you both may be facing in life.

Such conversations will make your LGBTQ friend feel supported. They will trust you and feel that you are ready to listen and assist them in overcoming challenges that could have led to their addiction. Regular check-ins can make monitoring the behavior of your friend easy.

Help Your LGBTQ Friend Deal with Stressors

Be active in helping your friend deal with the stressors they are experiencing in life. Lack of LGBTQ-inclusive resources, negative school or work experiences, and harassment can lead to drug abuse. Understand that the LGBTQ community members experience extensive discrimination in both the public domain and personal relationships. Research has shown that LGBTQ persons that have experienced different types of discrimination are 4 times likely to develop a substance abuse disorder.

This can be attributed to factors like:

  • Exclusion from social activities and groups.
  • Physical abuse by partners or family members.
  • Rejection by spiritual community or family.
  • Los of job, child customer, and other forms of public discrimination.
  • Violence based on gender identification or sexual orientation.
  • Peer rejection and ridicule.
  • Sexuality discrimination in combination with other types of discrimination like race, gender, and religion.

If such stressors are the cause of substance abuse and addiction for your LGBTQ friend, help in addressing them. For instance, you can work with their school to help in the creation and implementation of anti-bullying policies and supportive resources for the LGBTQ people. You can also suggest organizations that your friend can join to interact with LGBTQ people.

Stage an Intervene

Whether your LGBT friend agrees that they have a drug addiction problem or not, it’s your responsibility to help them. If they agree that drug addiction is a problem they need assistance for, connect them with a reliable LGBT rehab. This will offer treatment in an LGBTQ-friendly environment and eventually connect them with a broader support network.

But if your friend does not agree that they have an addiction problem, let them know that you won’t stop trying to help them. You can talk to their family members or friends that you trust and confront the addicted friend together. Plan how to do it carefully so that the addicted friend doesn’t feel like you are attacking them. Remember that a wrong approach can make the person abuse drugs even more and ruin your friendship. If they eventually agree to seek assistance, look for an LGBT drug rehab that suits their addiction treatment needs.

Just like addiction treatment for heterosexual people, most LGBTQ addiction treatment programs start with detoxification. This helps with the elimination of problematic substances from the body of the patient. Therapies, counseling, and other forms of treatment follow to help the patient recover from addiction and lead a drug-free life.

The Bottom Line

Many factors lead members of the LGBTQ community to drug abuse and subsequent addiction. If you have an LGBTQ friend that is addicted to drugs, there are ways you can help them overcome the problem. Start by developing a positive relationship with them to ensure that they can open up and comfortably talk about the causes of their addiction. Advise them to seek assistance and if they don’t agree, stage an intervention. Once they agree to get help, find a rehab that provides LGBT addiction treatment that suits their recovery needs.

35 Tweets You’ll Appreciate If Your Target Obsession Is Borderline Unhealthy

No matter how crazy your day has been, there’s one thing you can always count on: Target. Target is there for you when nothing else makes sense. Target doesn’t ask questions, it simply exists to spark joy and drain your bank account.

If you have a borderline unhealthy obsession with Target like us, each and every one of these tweets will speak to your soul as you cruise through the dollar section.

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https://twitter.com/caitlynmlozano/status/745771012394889217

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https://twitter.com/mikeyhency/status/922910915355447299

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https://twitter.com/IoIteresa/status/922265918322954241

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https://twitter.com/Mother_Faulkner/status/919597193190952960

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https://twitter.com/audiseaa/status/922935315874172929

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https://twitter.com/lauryn_schmitty/status/923395006714408961

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https://twitter.com/amanduhluna/status/922243325872230400

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https://twitter.com/ItsKodyBreh/status/922999567586439168

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https://twitter.com/murieen/status/919334385911873536

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h/t: BuzzFeed, Twitter

31 Thoughts Every Woman Has While Shopping At Target

When it comes to Target, we always go in and leave with things we did not originally go in for. No matter how many pep talks we give ourselves, we know that we’re going to leave spending way more than we planned with way more than we needed. And, half of the time we don’t even get what we originally needed in the beginning. Oh, Target, how you love to do us dirty.

1. I’m only here for new sheets, I’m not going to the clothing section. Definitely not going to the shoe section.

2. OMG, I love the $1 section. Look at this little notebook! I need it. Wait, do I need it? Yup, definitely need it.

3. Where are the sheets? Did they redo the store again? I’m lost. Where is everything?

4. Oh, here I am, in the shoe department. By accident.

5. THESE BOOTS! ARE! TO! DIE! FOR! No. I can’t. Walk away. WALK. AWAY.

6. Maybe if I just try them on…

7. Oh My God. They fit perfectly. Look at me. I’m Adriana Lima. Look at these legs baby. Legs. For. Days.

8. Maybe I’ll price check them and see if they’re on sale.

9. Sheets! I need sheets!

10. OMG, THEY HAVE THEIR BATHING SUITS OUT ALREADY!?!?

11. I’ll just try on one.

12. Maybe five.

13. Ugh, that dress is amazing. Need to try it on.

14. Okay, how did I end up with a cart full of clothes?

15. I’ll just try them on and probably hate everything.

16. Omg, only six items at a time? I’ll be here forever.

17. Okay, so, I guess I’m getting a new wardrobe today because everything is C.U.T.E CUTE!

18. Ok where is the home section?

19. Oh! Look at these mugs! I need them they’re adorable!

20. And candles!!!

21. Oh this one smells like sh*t, gross.

22. This one is amazing. I need four.

23. Okay, I need to leave before I spend my rent check in here.

24. Maybe just one more candle.

25. Where is the register? I need to get out of here ASAP.

26. Send help! Immediately!

27. Okay, just, pay and leave.

28. *Please don’t be expensive, please don’t be expensive*

29. $400?!? What the actual f*ck is wrong with me?!?

30. Whatever, I guess I’m not eating dinner this week.

31. F*CK I FORGOT TO BUY SHEETS!!!!!

10 Things That Will Make Every Iced Coffee Addict Say ‘Preach, Sis’

Coffee Addict ?

How much iced coffee do you drink a day? Is it almost too much to keep track of? Are you known for your caffeine addiction? Would you date it if you could? Do you have a coffee problem? That’s okay, you’re in good company. Addicts read on.

1. You always have some with you.

2. It doesn’t matter if it’s negative fifty degrees, you have some.

3. You really can’t make it through the day without it.

4. It doesn’t matter what place you’re at, you’re definitely ordering coffee. Starbucks? Dunkin Donuts? Greasy diner?  Your grandma’s?

5. Your barista knows your order without you saying anything because you get the same iced coffee every day.

6. You sometimes order two and drink them both.

7. You spend more money on coffee than on rent.

8. Your car is filled with the detritus of coffee—empty cups, straw wrappers, coffee-stained napkins…

9. You get happy just thinking about coffee.

10. You’re on your way to get some right after you read this.

12 Signs You’re Addicted To Chick-Fil-A

How many times a week do you eat Chick-fil-A? A) one to two, B) three to four, C) more than you can count, or D) you’re kind of embarrassed to say? If you chose any of those options above, there’s a pretty good chance you might be a Chick-fil-A addict.

But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Chick-fil-Addiction is a well-known condition, which can be determined by seeing if you have any of the signs below.

1. Chick-fil-A is your absolute favorite breakfast.

2. You are certain that their hash browns are the best around.

3. Chick-fil-A is always your first choice of fast food.

4. You honestly don’t get how some people can “get bored of” Chick-fil-A.

5. You get legitimately bummed that they’re closed on Sundays.

6. Basically everything on the menu looks delicious.

7. But somehow you always seem to get the same thing.

8. You could write an ode of joy to their ice cream.

9. You will gladly defend Chick-fil-A from any hater, anywhere, anytime.

10. When you go on vacation, you have to find out if there’s a Chick-fil-A close to you.

11. If there isn’t, that’s the first place you go as soon as you get home.

12. You would put Chick-fil-A as your emergency contact if you could.

I’ve Come To Learn That Drug Addiction Is A Disease, Not A Choice

I grew up in a small neighborhood where kids grew up pretty fast. It seemed as though when we hit high school, something switched in my friends’ minds that going to dinner and seeing a movie just wasn’t fun anymore. We began drinking and partying at an age that was much too young for any of us to handle. When our parents were out, away, or even going to bed early, we’d sneak in booze and liquor, partying until late hours—hindering our childhood and rushing into adulthood far too soon for us to handle.

I could handle the drinking. I was never a huge drinker, so I didn’t feel as though it was hurting anyone to have a few beers on a Friday night or drink a mixed solo cup at a party. But, when kids started bringing drugs into the picture—I took a step back. I wasn’t ready to experiment with drugs the way that my friends were, and I wasn’t ready to let it tear me apart.

I have two older sisters, and they’d warned me about drug use at such a young age. They told me scary stories of their friends, losing their lives and their innocence to experimenting with things they couldn’t handle. So, I stayed away, I chose to stay away. My friends chose to partake in the experience. They chose to step through a door that they had no idea was going to be locked shut on them for years to come.

I’ve heard so many stories in the media about drug use, how it’s a choice to use drugs so often that you overdose on them. That every time you use drugs, you’re making a choice to put them in your body. That if you overdose, you chose to die. Every time a celebrity death comes up that is drug related, I brace myself for the comments that will come through social media, how selfish it is and how stupid they are to have chosen such a life.

I used to think that taking drugs every day was a choice. When I was young and my sisters told me about using drugs, they told me I had a choice—a choice that would affect my life for years to come. I agreed, that trying drugs, and beginning to take them—it’s a choice. It’s a choice to succumb to peer pressure and other pressures of society telling you to do so. It’s a choice to decide if your SO uses drugs, you should, too. It’s a choice to try a stronger drug, once the other drugs have lost their strength.

But, once you become addicted to drugs, it is no longer a choice for you—it becomes a disease.

Being an addict is a disease. It’s one that should be recognized as a health condition and treated as such. I never thought this way until I saw friends—close, family friends of mine—battle addiction with drugs for years. I watched friends I grew up with go to rehab multiple times. I saw friends of mine die from overdoses. I saw friends in abusive relationships with addicts. It was hard to escape the epidemic that was taking over my town and neighboring towns—everyone was sick.

The way that people look at addicts disturbs me. They look at them as though they’re disgusting, they’re pathetic, they’re a burden on society. But, they don’t look at people with other illnesses the same. People who develop diabetes from poor diets, they made a choice to eat the way they did. They didn’t choose to develop the disease, but they chose what to eat. Those who are diagnosed with cancer due to smoking—they did not choose to develop cancer, but they chose to smoke. However, if you find out someone is sick with cancer, or diabetes and heart disease—we don’t look down on them as though they are horrible, disgusting people in society.

There is a stigma that is associated with addiction. People look at addicts as though they are trash. But, I’ve come to learn that they are not trash, they’re not horrible, they’re not disgusting. They are sick.

They are sick with a disease that needs curing. They are sick with an illness they cannot shake. Instead of looking at these people as though they are horrible and disgusting, be kind. Understand that—like a person with cancer—they, too, are terrified to lose their life. They are fighting every day to stay alive. They didn’t choose to be an addict.

But, just as any other sick individual, they are fighting to stay alive.

The Effects of Drug Addiction on Family Members

About this disease        

The cunning, baffling disease of addiction is multifaceted, and continues to be a growing epidemic across the United States. Drug addiction carries an unending amount of dangers to an individual’s physical, mental, societal, and familial well-being. Effective treatments have proven to be successful in battling this disease, and layered prevention tactics are making addiction a preventable health condition; however, even though it is treatable and preventable, there are significant elements to pay attention to. This disease is deadly, and Straub (2012) notes the toxic reality of drug and alcohol addiction has produced more deaths, illnesses, and disabilities than any other unnecessary, preventable illness. Jason Shiers Certified Psychotherapist with UK Addiction Treatment says “While commonly it is believed that addiction is a disease, the truth is, this is only a concept and a way of explaining an unexplainable phenomenom, when we look beyond concepts, psychology and psychiatric diagnoses, addiction is a simple misunderstanding, this doesn’t make it any less devastating”.

 

Addiction is monstrous and calculating, and it houses many victims. Unfortunately, an addict’s family remains in the crosshairs of this fatal disease. Imagine addiction as a glass of salt water. Now, pour the water into a healthy plant. Over time, you will watch the plant slouch, wither, shrivel up, and if you continue to use this same food source, the plant will eventually die. The effects the salt water had on this healthy plant mimic the effects of drug and alcohol addiction. This disease is not defined by the act of drinking or using drugs; there are many other layers including the impact on one’s physical and mental health, attitude and behaviors, inner spirit, and the mere destruction of relationships with family members. One family member suffering from addiction paves the route for their entire family to suffer, as well.

A Family Disease

Addiction is often referred to as a family disease. This simply means that while the person using and abusing drugs is suffering, his or her family suffers also. As it is important to recognize how each member is affected, it is just as significant that each family member receives treatment to heal their relationship and emotional wounds. Recovery is a process that requires every single person within an addict’s familial and societal circle to be unified. Though it may be difficult for some family members to hear and fully accept, their behaviors, emotions, and relationship with their addicted loved one directly and indirectly promote and support their addiction – this unhealthy interaction and family illness is called codependency.

The Roles         

An addict’s family suffers the brunt of many layers of this disease. The immediate family, as well as those extended family members, is right in the path of their loved one’s addiction-driven chaos and mayhem. First, everyone’s feelings are exposed and vulnerable. The relationship that existed prior to addiction is completely overshadowed by someone the family no longer recognizes. An addict’s attitude, feelings, priorities, trust, behaviors, thoughts, and even their personality are gravely affected. The fact is that each person is impacted in a unique way, and how he/she is affected really depends on their previous relationship with the addict.

While some family members blame themselves for their loved one’s addiction, others in the family unit take on a sterner role, to the point of seeking out protective orders against the person abusing drugs (SAMSHA, 2004). The most important familial strategy to begin fighting this treacherous battle is to identify who takes on which role. Each family member, by acknowledging, understanding, and taking accountability, can construct a therapeutic plan of action. Now, let’s understand how family roles hinder one’s addiction.

Just like a “non-addicted” functioning family, there are roles each person fills. When addiction enters the family unit, the roles shift, trying to maintain a balance in this new, unhealthy group (Low, 2015). The major family roles include the addict (chemically dependent), the hero (the caretaker of the family), the enabler, the scapegoat, the lost child, and the mascot.  While the addict lies within the center of everyone’s attention, the enabler essentially provides the addict with the financial, emotional, or even physical (driving them to pick up drugs) aspects to support their disease. Enabler’s feelings consist of helplessness and guilt, and often these codependent roles are filled by a parent, partner, or spouse (Kelly, 2015). The lost child role is the one whose life is put on the back burner, as the addict’s role has taken precedent over everything else. Those who embrace this role are normally filled with resentment, anger, and loneliness, as their emotional and physical needs are not being met (Kelly, 2015). Often, a sibling will take on the role of a scapegoat as a way to cope with their drug-addicted loved one. This person is known to act out and draw attention to themselves in an unhealthy, distracting manner, as they are weighed down with feelings of emptiness, shame, and guilt (Kelly, 2015). Finally, the mascot diverts attention away from the underlying problem of addiction, using humor as a distraction while attempting to alleviate the constant stressors that accompany their loved one’s addiction.

The disease of addiction has the potential to tear a family apart from the inside out. The addict can be viewed as untrustworthy and undependable. At times, drug addiction can lead to the addict lying, cheating, and stealing from their own loved ones to support their habit. Stress builds and fights break out, and what once was a healthy, loving family unit is easily turned into a family just trying to emotionally and physically survive from day to day.

The Interpersonal  Destructions of Addiction 

A number of recent studies have revealed exactly how addiction can wreak havoc within a family.  The National Institutes of Health (2016) noted that parents who are addicts severely impact their children by replacing their parental responsibilities with using drugs and maintaining their addiction. Not cooking meals, forgetting about meetings with teachers, ignoring homework, not monitoring their child’s social circle, and just being detached from their child’s life has a damaging consequence. It has a rippling effect, as the NIH (2016) explains children of addicted parents are extremely vulnerable to following the same unhealthy path of living unstable lives and falling into addiction themselves. They are susceptible to poverty, teen pregnancy, and unhealthy behaviors including drug use and addiction. A pregnant addict’s drug use impacts their unborn child’s weight, eating and sleeping habits, cognitive abilities, and developmental milestones (Lander, 2013). As the child grows, they are vulnerable to learning disabilities and social problems. As you can see, this cycle is vicious and reoccurring, and it can easily be passed on from one generation to the next.

There is Hope, There is  Help

             All families of addicts require professional, therapeutic assistance. First and foremost, they must all learn how to accept and embrace the fact that none of them caused their loved one’s addiction, none could control their loved one’s addiction, and none of them can cure this cunning disease. The light at the end of this addiction tunnel is treatment. While emotional, financial, physical, and psychological damages are left from the storm of one’s addiction, there is hope. Many studies and treatment models have revealed that family members must not only get treatment as a family unit, but must also receive therapeutical services on an individual basis. For those seeking a comprehensive recovery program in a serene environment, visiting a luxury rehab facility in San Francisco can provide the peaceful setting and high-quality care necessary for healing and rebuilding lives. Whether it be a 12-step program, group therapy, or individual counseling, there are many options available to help families heal and move forward after the devastation of addiction.
Addiction is a family disease, and even though a family’s turmoil may have begun with their loved one’s addiction, they all have a responsibility to themselves and to their loved ones to learn healthy thoughts, beliefs, and behaviors to support a road to recovery and abstinence.

Recovery is a lifelong journey. It may have started as an individual problem, but it has the potential to evolve into a beautiful family passage.

            

 

Karen Corcoran-Walsh, CAP, ICADC, MFT, ASAM is nationally known as an expert in the treatment of mental health and drug or alcohol abuse and addiction, also known as Dual Diagnosis, with a specialty in working with teenagers. Renowned as an adolescent addiction treatment center professional, she has worked in the professions of education and drug treatment for approximately 20 years. Karen is the co-founder of Inspirations For Youth And Families, LLC an adolescent treatment program and The Cove Center For Recovery, LLC an adult addiction treatment center.

References

Center for Substance Abuse Treatment. Substance Abuse Treatment and Family Therapy. Rockville (MD): Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (US); 2004. (Treatment Improvement Protocol (TIP) Series, No. 39.) Chapter 2 Impact of Substance Abuse on Families. Available from: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK64258/

Kelly, V. A. (2016). Addiction in the family: What every counselor needs to know. Alexandria, VA: American Counseling Association.

Lander, L., Howsare, J., & Byrne, M. (2013). The Impact of Substance Use Disorders on Families and Children: From Theory to Practice. Social Work in Public Health, 28(0), 194–205. http://doi.org/10.1080/19371918.2013.759005

Low, M. (2015). Substance Abuse and the Impact on the Family System.  Retrieved from

http://www.rehabs.com/pro-talk-articles/substance-abuse-and-the-impact-on-the-family-system/

NIH. (2016). Drug Abuse Hurts Kids. Retrieved from https://easyread.drugabuse.gov/content/drug-abuse-hurts-kids

Söderström, K., & Skårderud, F. (2009). Minding the baby. Mentalization-based treatment in families with parental substance use disorder: Theoretical framework. Nordic Psychology, 61(3), 47-65. doi: http://dx.doi.org/10.1027/1901-2276.61.3.47

Straub, R. O. (2012). Health psychology: A biopsychosocial approach (3rd ed.). [VitalSource digital version]. New York, NY: Worth Publishers.

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