Affair Archives

Why I Cheat On My Wife And How Divorce Is Not An Option

I appreciate that for many of you this is going to be a tough read and it’s going to be hard not to judge me. But everything I write about is the truth. I’m a husband, a dad, a businessman, and a serial cheater. I’ve been cheating on my wife for the last 10 years and I have no regrets. My wife is unaware of my extracurricular activities and I go to great lengths to cover up my deeds. They say it’s never the crime that gets people caught, it’s the cover-up. And that’s where I focus a lot of my efforts on the cover-up.

Why I Cheat

It would be easy to blame my wife and her behavior for my cheating. The truth is, she’s amazing. The problem is with me; I’m broken. There’s some part of me that constantly needs that attention, needs to fill that void, needs that excitement – and once my kids came along, the amount of attention I got at home just dropped (rightfully so). I was always that kid that never managed to get a date in my teens, and once I started hitting the gym and learning how to dress it all changed for me. But there was something about all that rejection early on that made me treat multiple women like a game. It’s hard to describe the feeling of getting undivided attention from a beautiful woman – it makes me feel alive, like I”ve still got it.

And I’d love to tell you that I’m rich or drive a Ferrari, which I’m not and I don’t. I’d love to tell you that I look like a model but I don’t. But I am sharply dressed, in shape, and extremely charming. And I’m honest (well not completely). But the women I cheat with know that I’m married. They know there’s an expiry date on the relationship and right from the get-go they know the score.

The Trouble With Cheating

Of course, cheating is wrong. But it’s also stressful. Spinning all those multiple plates, keeping those cover stories intact and my burner phone well hidden takes work. It’s almost like having a second job. But more than any of that, is that you can’t tell anyone. Not even your closest friends. If you imagine the situation, you discreetly tell your friend, he promised to keep his mouth shut but secretly tells his wife. She begrudgingly keeps the secret but tells her hairdresser – and on and on this game of Chinese whispers continues all the way back to your wife.

And after 10 years of cheating, I needed an outlet. I needed to be able to tell people about it without losing my cover. So I decided to start a blog called Cheater’s Handbook. I write and document my journey of cheating but more than that, I help men (and some women), better learn how to not get caught.

Getting Caught

When you hear about people who get caught cheating, it’s natural to feel sorry for that person’s spouse. There must be no words for that level of betrayal, of course leading to unknown levels of trust issues. If you’re gonna be in the cheating game, going to great lengths to not get caught is more important than learning how to find the perfect affair partner. It’s selfish enough being a cheater but more selfish bringing that drama home with you. I know I’m selfish, but I make sure that I never ever bring that cheating home with me. Ever! My cheating happens during the day, I never invent some last minute business trips and I always keep a spare/matching set of clothes in the car, so I come home looking the same and smelling fresh versus smelling like perfume.

So If I like Other Women So Much, Then Why Not Just Get Divorced?

Reading this, it’s natural to ask me why I just wouldn’t get divorced. Well, the answer to that is simple. There are 3 reasons I’d never get divorced. Firstly, my young 3 kids are very attached to me; it would devastate them to have to grow up without their dad. Secondly, the financial implications would be so big and dramatic that it would take years to split all of our assets and thirdly, having an affair is all about excitement. Seeing other women when single would be fun, sure I don’t deny it, but part of the excitement of having an affair is the secrecy, the sneaking around,the covert coverups. All of this adds to the excitement of a relationship with an affair partner. Affairs aren’t just about sex and attention, the sheer secrecy of it keeps it so very tantalizing.

I’m not alone

I know it’s going to be tough not to judge or demonize me. I get that I’m the bad guy. But please know this. Cheating websites like Ashley Madison have 60 million users. That number tells us so much. That number makes up a combination of people who are just curious, have cheated once or are serial cheaters. I’m not alone. But where I’d like to think I’m different, is that whilst I know I can’t stop people cheating, the one thing I can do when coaching some of our readers, is to make sure that they don’t get caught.

Man Turns To Reddit For Legal Advice After Drunkenly Proposing To Wrong Woman

We’ve all been there. Drunk and spontaneous on New Year’s Eve, trying to do something special. But one too many drinks and an accidental proposal later, U.K. redditor u/Propermistakeregret needed legal advice and turned to the internet.

“Proposed to girlfriend whilst drunk on NYE night, can I cancel and get the ring back,” the viral post on popular subreddit LegalAdviceUK begins, before our hungover antihero dives into his night of regrets. He says he fell in love with a co-worker and bought the ring for her, and has been planning to break up with his girlfriend for a while. But now it’s too late: “It’s been posted on my friends Snapchat, my girlfriends Facebook page, everywhere. I saw people proposing so I wanted to go with the flow and proposed to my girlfriend whilst partially pissed. Can I get the ring back and cancel the engagement please?”

Though genuine legal advice was quick to follow, many Reddit users chose to point out the problems with u/propermistakeregrets’ decisions. Why was he dating two women at once? Who just decides to propose because everyone else is doing it?

One user pointed out that in the U.K., engagement rings are an “absolute gift,” which means that “unless some agreement, express or implied, was made when giving it” that it “would be returned if the marriage did not occur.” They even provided this very helpful link to a site for legal advice.

Another user agreed, telling u/propermistakeregret “You can break off the false engagement by being a real douche and telling her you’re actually seeing someone else and this was a mistake but the ring is hers to do as she wishes. I hope she sticks it where your sun doesn’t shine when you tell her.”

Only one user, Dusty-Pilgrim, gave him any leeway for having been inebriated. “If you were so drunk that you lacked legal capacity to make a gift then that could be grounds for getting it back,” they wrote. “Realistically, unless the ring cost a fortune, lawyers aren’t going to get involved and you will have to resolve this between you.”

Propermistakeregret didn’t actually seem to regret his decision all that much, as he spent most of his time in the comments complaining about the cost of the ring and the unfairness of the situation. He did not reply to a request for comment and the Daily Dot cannot independently verify his story.

He later considered stealing the ring back, apparently, though Reddit advised him not to: A user pointed to the first section of a 1968 law stating that “A person is guilty of theft if he dishonestly appropriates property belonging to another with the intention of permanently depriving the other of it.”

The top commenter on the thread hit the nail on the head. “Well, from a legal perspective you’re shit out of luck because a gift is a gift, even when given by a moron,” they wrote.

In the end, propermistakesregret did some soul-searching and came to a (likely terrible) decision. He is going to conceal his affair for the rest of his life and marry the woman he accidentally proposed to.

This article was originally published on The Daily Dot.

Why My Mother’s Affair Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me

All my life I wanted the type of relationship with my mom that the little girls had in the movies. I remember wanting nothing more than to be able to talk to my mom about everything. I wanted to be able to tell her about my plans in life and my obscure dreams without having her criticize me for being unrealistic.

I remember wanting nothing more than to be comfortable enough to tell her about my feelings or about that boy I liked in school. I wanted nothing more than to be able to walk past my mother and be confident in my appearance and who I was and to have her look at me and know that she was proud.

I went 18 years getting criticized by my mother for anything and everything I did, and when she walked out on my family, it was the best day of my life.

I never believed in the term “a blessing in disguise” until I found out about my mother’s year-long affair with an old co-worker. Of course my family was devastated, and I was devastated right up alongside them, but I was never really upset.

I was angry over what my mother did to my dad and sister and how she let them cry without a single look of remorse on her face, but at this point in my life, I was years into various mental illnesses, and as much as I hate to put this on other people, my relationship with my mom had contributed a great deal to them. I realized after she left that I was doing better without her. I was doing better without the woman that brought me into this world, and that was a weird thing to understand.

My mother was the most toxic person in my life, and through her absence, I learned that you need to get rid of toxic people no matter who they are. It gets to a point where you realize that you come first, and you need to prioritize yourself and do whatever it takes to be okay with who you are. I could spend all day and night blaming her for everything, but I don’t really see the point of that.

For me, removing negative relationships involves cutting off all ties, and thoughts are no exceptions. If I spent all my time thinking about people who hurt me, where would I be? I would be exactly where I started, letting these people control my mind.

It’s a really strange concept, removing people from your life that you didn’t think you could live without, but sometimes it needs to be done. Of course, I’m still affected by what my mother did and how she shaped my childhood, but I’m alive now, and I’m okay now, and that might not have been the case if my parents were still together.

Losing my mother taught me that sometimes the people you’re supposed to love the most are the ones that you need to let go, and I’m so thankful that I realized this before it was too late. I never ever thought I’d publicly share this story, and I still don’t really know why I’m telling you all this, but I’d rather have my story out there than to see another person ruined by a toxic relationship.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.