This is How Being in a Narcissistic Relationship Caused My Anxiety Disorder

Narcissists cling to those who have big hearts because they can tolerate a great deal of subliminal abuse. But it’s only so long until they finally realize the damage being inflicted on them and build up the courage to walk away. It’s a process we’ve seen play out over and over, but what no one seems to realize is the impact narcissistic abuse can have on your mental health post-relationship. Your mental health deteriorates even after you free yourself from a narcissistic relationship. I know this first hand because the truth is, being in a relationship with a narcissist was cause for my anxiety disorder.

It all started with the verbal abuse sinking deeper and deeper into my system.

The awful things my narcissistic ex-said about me echoed in my mind so often that they slowly became my reality. I felt like I was nothing without him, I thought I was too sensitive, I overreacted too much, I thought everyone hated me and honestly, I started to hate myself. I lost touch with family members, I stopped hanging out with my friends, I had completely and totally isolated myself without even realizing it. And it’s all because his narcissistic abuse convinced me to do so. I was alone and trapped in this world where I had absolutely no control over the things that happened to me… I was terrified and frozen.

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You Were Right, I Was Too Good for You

In the beginning, you always joked that I was way out of your league. You would say that I could do better and that you did not deserve me.

I would always say you were crazy and wrong because I wanted to believe it was not true. However, looking back now, I see now just how right you were.

You lacked a basic respect for other human beings, you treated people as if they were no better than the dirt you walk on but then expected to be treated like a king in return.

No matter how much I tried to encourage you to be open-minded, you went through life as if the world owed you something.

You thought you deserved all of this greatness but then refused to put in the effort to earn it. You were judgmental; full of yourself and sometimes, just flat out mean.

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I Can’t Change Your Past But I Hope I Can Change Your Future

I know you’ve been hurt pretty bad in the past. I can’t begin to understand what it might have been like for you. Sure, I can have empathy and sympathy but every experience and every heartbreak a person endures is their own. You don’t need to tell me about it. It’s a conversation I won’t force but will happily listen if you want to tell me.

I know it makes you wary of trusting people.

I know you might not trust me yet. But when you question love, let me remind you that love hasn’t hurt you. It’s a person’s lack of love that has hurt you and caused you pain.

I hate that you’ve endured that but struggle makes you a better person. Pain makes you more human and getting through it has made you more beautiful in my eyes.

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It’s Time to Break the Cycle of Dating Guys We Know We’re Too Good For

Someone asked me once, “Have you gotten out of your cycle yet?”

I sat there, puzzled for a second, and then laughed. It wasn’t a cheerful laugh by any means; it was the kind of laugh you make when the joke’s not funny.

“No,” I said, “Look who I’m dating now.” I took out my phone and showed my dear friend the picture of the man I was sharing life with.

He laughed, the kind of laugh when you find something ironic or horribly dreadful but have no other way to react.

I left thinking, ‘how could I allow myself to be in the same cycle of dating trashy guys?!’

Here I am, full blown adult, and I’m dating the same type of guy as when I was a teenager. This thought made me sick.

I was in a cycle of constantly dating jocks who’s heads were too big for their bodies, who’s anger ruled their life, who couldn’t communicate if life depended on it, and who valued his friends more than his girl.

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No Matter How Hard I Try, I Just Can’t Bring Myself To Hate You

I don’t hate you. In fact, I’m incapable of hating you because “hate” is such a strong word, such a strong emotion, that I really can’t imagine hating you. I’m incapable of hating you because you really are a great person and I truly believe you weren’t thinking clearly when you decided to be dishonest.

Who knows? Maybe you were thinking clearly and just didn’t actually care. But I don’t want to think of you that way.

You hid things so well I never would have guessed you were seeing someone else at the same time as me. I’m not sure if you’re just that good at hiding things and lying about your feelings or if you really felt those things and for whatever reason chose not to end things with either she or me.

You sat here next to me and lied every day.

How did that not eat at you every time we spoke on the phone or every time you came over and sat next to me on my bed?

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Being Too Comfortable in Your Relationship Is Actually Not a Good Sign

What is the difference between being comfortable in a relationship and being happy? If you are comfortable, why is it such a bad thing?

There are so many reasons I can think of as to why I would want to be happy rather than comfortable.

1. Once you find yourself comfortable in a relationship, you do not want to leave. You find it so hard to think you can do better because the thought of starting over with someone new terrifies you.

So you stay where you are not bursting with joy, but simply content with where you are and who you are becoming.

2. Being comfortable in a relationship means you know things will not get better but you are finally used to the arguments, used to him coming home upset every day and to the long nights you spend alone crying, while he sleeps soundly beside you.

3. Comfortable is knowing your family sees you unhappy and hoping that they understand why you stay and why you try so hard.

4. It is knowing you put far too much time and love into something to just walk away without a second thought because even if your heart is no longer with him, the time and energy you have spent on him are.

5. Stagnation is death to the soul, there is no growth, nothing proving that if we stay, we will be better together than we could ever be apart.

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How To Tell Your Relationship Is Going Nowhere Fast

Throughout your life, you’re going to find yourself in relationships with people you think are “the one.” No matter how much time you spend together, how much you think you’re in love and how badly you want a future together, there are those moments of epiphany when you realize that this person is not the right one for you.

Don’t worry – no harm, no foul. It happens to the best of us throughout our lives. We find ourselves with people that we become infatuated with – the idea of spending the rest of our lives with them seems like magic, sunshine and rainbows. But, when reality sets in and the red flags start to wave, we can no longer lie to ourselves. Of course, ending a relationship with someone you once thought was your better half is not always easy.

We find ourselves complacent in these kinds of relationships – scared to leave, afraid to walk out and embarrassed to even mutter the subtle words to ourselves at all. The reality is, if you’re with someone that you’re not really supposed to be with, you’ll 100% know.

1. You Find Yourself Interested In Other People:

If your partner has no longer become the object of your attention, affection and desire; it’s a tell-tale sign that the relationship is failing. That’s not to say that your significant other will be the only object of your attention, 100% all of the time throughout your relationship – however, when you find yourself more interested in texting other people, opening up to others about yourself or sharing news with other people before them, it’s a red flag that maybe you’re just not interested in what they have to say any longer. Communication and conversations are the foundation of a stable and healthy relationship. If ever you find yourself not even wanting to talk to your significant other, then you have problems you need to address, ASAP.

2. You Find Yourself Thinking You Can “Do Better”:

Your partner should be someone who makes you feel good about yourself and good about your relationship. If you find yourself thinking that you can “do better,” than the person you are currently with, it’s because there are things that are inherently missing from your relationship. Maybe you see other relationships that are flourishing better, faster, or in a way in which you wish yours would. Or, maybe you’ve met somebody who peaks your interest in ways that your partner has never, or doesn’t anymore. Either way, if you think that are people are going to treat you better than the person you’re with now is, it’s over.

3. You Get Easily Aggravated/Annoyed With Them:

When you start to get bothered by every little thing your partner is doing, it’s a sign that there’s a deeper issue arising. Things that you once found endearing, sexy or cute now cut like knives under your skin. You’re annoyed by how they act in public amongst your friends and family and how they treat you when they’re with theirs. You don’t like the way they speak to you anymore, their quirky habits you once enjoyed have now become disgusting and you find yourself wanting to spend less and less time together.

4. The Sex Is No Longer Good…or Happening:

Sex is an important factor in any relationship. When you first get together with someone, you guys may not be able to keep your hands off of each other. The “honeymoon” stage in a relationship is fun, exciting and full of hot, steamy, wild sex. Once you guys become comfortable with each other and settle into the post-honeymoon stage – you may find the sex begins to slow down. But, just because it slows down doesn’t mean it needs to stop completely – or change. You should still be having hot and steamy sex with your SO and find yourself attracted to them. However, sometimes, sparks fade faster than people can expect. If you find the sex is lacking, or not even getting you going, you may need to face that issue head-on and realize that maybe you’re just not attracted to your partner anymore – which, is a huge red flag.

5. You Question Your Decision of Being With Them:

Life is really crazy and stressful. With dozens of commitments and things to worry about, your relationship shouldn’t be on the forefront of your contemplations. If you find yourself second guessing your decision to be with them, stay with them, or spend your life with them – run for the hills. You should be with someone who doesn’t make you second guess your decisions and someone who makes you feel comfortable and not have to constantly question things.

6. You’d Rather Go Out Without Them Than With Them:

Everyone needs some time apart when they’re in a relationship – it’s healthy. Yet, when you do decide to go out and let loose, you should want your partner to be there. While everyone needs a girls/boys night with their friends, the times when everyone’s getting together in groups, you should always want your SO to be by your side. That’s not to say you need to be attached at the hip, but your partner should be someone who you have fun with, enjoy the excitement of the world with and want to spend your free time with.

7. You Can’t Picture A Future With Them:

If you’re in your late 20’s/early 30’s, you should be with someone you can consider spending your life with. Don’t worry – no pressure, you don’t have to be. But, as you get older, reality starts to set in and you want to start your life with someone – get engaged, get married, have a family. If you’re with someone who you can’t see yourself with in the long-run, why waste both of your time?

8. You Can’t Trust Them:

Whether you’re looking through their phone, stalking their social media or trying to eavesdrop on their phone calls – if you cannot trust the person you’re with, you shouldn’t be with them. It’s simple. You’ll find yourself constantly worrying about where they are and who they’re with whenever you’re not together. It’ll only drive you insane.

Why You’ll Regret Leaving The Girl Who Loved You With All Of Her Heart

“When I was a kid, most of the advice that my dad gave me was crap. But there’s one thing that he said that was pure genius …he said if you’re ever with a girl that’s too good for you, marry her.” – Valentine’s Day

She was willing to give you all of herself…

Some girls have this ability to love deeply. They love no matter what has happened in their past. They trust their heart and follow it fearlessly.

Somewhere the way, it led her to you. She was the girl willing to do just about anything for you… even when you didn’t ask.

She never held back telling you what she was thinking and feeling. Through actions, time and time again she showed it.

But you broke her.

You couldn’t reciprocate the kind of love she was offering. Maybe you weren’t mature enough. Maybe you were too selfish.

Maybe the timing was off between you two. Finding “the one” at a young age has a way of fucking up even the most normal guy.

But you broke her heart. And even after you did that, she was still kind and still loved you.

She was willing to love you deeply…

She probably could have loved you the rest of her life. And forever between you two, probably crossed her mind. She probably told you about it fearlessly, because love wasn’t something she ever held back.

She might have lived in a world all her own, with these ideas of how love is supposed to be, but she believed love more than anyone you ever met.

You never had to question how she felt about you, but she was always left wondering were her feelings reciprocated.

But you didn’t realize how rare her love was.

You were too young to realize how rare she was. It wasn’t until you met other girls who left you with a void, you began to put it together… you messed up. Even at their best, others who loved you, couldn’t compare to the depth that she did.

She believed in you…

When it seemed no one else believed in you, it was like she had this ability to see into your soul.

She understood you more than you understood yourself sometimes. More than that, she believed in the person you were and believed in the potential of what you could be, even when you didn’t see it yet.

She never questioned whether you guys could make it.

But you believed you could find better.

Maybe, she had a flaw you couldn’t shake. Maybe, you were lying to yourself it couldn’t work. Despite whatever insecurities you had about you two, she never did.

It’s only natural to want to explore other options. You wanted to see what was out there.

When you did…all you could do was look back, at what you left behind.

She thought you were perfect…

Despite the many flaws that you even spelled out to her, she still looked at you like you were her world. Because you were and to hear you were completely perfect.

But it wasn’t until you left, you realized she was.

In time you realized your greatest flaw was in your lack of judgment. You were blind to what was right in front of you. Just as she wouldn’t have changed a thing about you, changing anything about her would make her imperfect.

You realized her only flaw would be settling for you in the first place. You knew she deserved better.

She learned to love again.

Despite being let down by you, you had to watch her love again. You knew the type of woman she was.

You knew how gentle, loving and caring she would be, towards this new person. You knew she’d treat him just as she treated you, only he wouldn’t make the same mistake.

And only then you realized what you lost.

In that realization, you knew you made the biggest mistake of your life.

So if you ever want to live the rest of your life with regret, let go of the one person who loves you more.

When you do that, ‘what if’ will haunt you until the day you die.

6 Types Of Relationships You Should Definitely Say Bye To In 2019

The energy it takes to hang on to the relationships that aren’t building you up are holding you back from living your life fully.

2019 is the year we all have to fall back in love with ourselves. A big part of that process is to say #bye to all the people that aren’t making us fully happy. Because there is a more extraordinary love out there that you would never know if it didn’t end it with the last one. But the extraordinary has to start with you – end things with the person who clearly doesn’t deserve you and watch how quickly new light comes into your life.

1. Almost Relationships.

Fuck that. No really, fuuckkk that. You give too much to receive an “almost.” You offer too much to waste your time with someone who gives you almost what you need – someone who is not yet ready for love, who is afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to them. Whatever their reason is for not being ready, you have to walk away. Because you can never ever convince or inspire anyone to do the work to be ready. And plus, you’re just too fly for that shit.

2. Constant excuses.

I get it, they’re complicated. They’ve been through a lot. They’re broken, their past, pride, demons, the fact that they’re weak or scared, is their validation for why they stopped fighting for you, making an effort for you, the list can go on and on. But at the end of the day, we all have issues. We all have situations that have broken us, that have given us every right and reason to make excuses for why we act shitty. But all that matters, in the end, is that we have a choice about how we’re going to treat people. Being enigmatic is never an excuse to treat people poorly.

If you find yourself constantly upset and frustrated it might be time to say bye, because eloquent excuses for why they’re acting like shit will only make you feel better temporarily, but at the end, you will be the one who will suffer the most.

3. Not being appreciated.

It’s not the thought that counts. It’s not enough how they look at you, what they think about you. People think it’s enough that deep down, they love you. But that’s never enough – the only way we can judge people’s true feelings and characters is through their actions.

Don’t forget, just because someone is with you, has ‘committed’ to you, doesn’t mean they have chosen you. They have to make an effort for you, appreciate you, fight for you. If someone is willing to discard your love for the next hit, willing to lose love because of their pride, fears, ego or selfish ways, show them the door.

Because someone will value how special you are – someone will put in the effort it takes to be with you. If the person you’re with doesn’t wake up and realize you’re worth fighting for, they are the one who will suffer the most, but you are still the one with the full power to say #bye.

4. One foot out the door.

Many people haven’t lived enough to realize how special a true connection is. So they have one foot out the door. They don’t realize that this ‘something better’ is all an illusion – just their ego talking.

Many don’t realize an extraordinary love or person when they see it, because they themselves have to do the work to be extraordinary. If someone is unable to see what is right in front of them, if they think easiness is good, that there’s something better, that the more chances they have, the better, let them go.

5. Inconsistency.

You know what I’m talking about, the ‘hey babe ‘I’m going to be super sweet toward you one night and then act like I don’t care the next.’ The ‘everything is going great but suddenly I’m going to pull back because I’m scared and complicated and this is too much.’ The ‘I don’t want to put in the effort that it will take to be with you, but I still like you and want to hook up with you so I’ll just half-ass it and do the bare minimum.’ No.

Not only is this a huge waste of your time, but it’s also super unattractive. Don’t let the mixed signals fool you. Indecision is a decision.

6. Selfish relationships.

My favorite. We all thought we wanted the complicated, mysterious “bad boy/girl.” This is also the person who pulls a 180 when everything is going great and tells you they’re in a very difficult time in their life, “I just can’t…I need space, I like you so much but this is very overwhelming for me…I like you too much, I’m scared.”

In reality, this person is just a narcissist, and after you constantly have to bend over backward and put your feelings aside because, you know, their inner world is just so deep and complicated, you’ll realize that the rush of the drama will get old fast when stress and instability starts to swallow your happiness.

Honestly, you’re too baller for any of that, and if you find yourself always being wrong, tiptoeing around them, listening to them for hours about how delicate and perplexing their emotions are, run away. They’re not that complicated – they’re just selfish as fuck.

When things aren’t meant to be, you will find yourself wasting so much of your energy trying to change them, fight for them, understand what went wrong. But sometimes, the best thing to do is just to let go, and watch how many greater things come into your life.

Him Leaving Wasn’t The End Of The World But Rather A New Beginning

Him leaving tore you apart. It hurts more than you imagined and you don’t where to go from here. He left you feeling like you did something wrong, like all the events that led to this moment are completely your fault. You feel like you’re not going to be able to move on, that you’re going to be unlovable and stuck in your current situation.

Him leaving you despite it all was not a bad thing. In fact, it may have been a blessing in disguise.

Do you really want to be with someone who doesn’t really love you, or doesn’t see all the good in you? His leaving gave you an opportunity to find the one who is going to love you with so much love that you aren’t going to know what hit you. He’s going to show you that the pain you’re feeling now was worth it in the end.

It’s also going to give you time to focus on yourself and the things you want in life. Take time and figure out the things that are important to you. Whether it’s work, school, traveling, friends or finding a new hobby.

His leaving wasn’t the end of your world, I know it feels like it. However, it’s just an end of a chapter in your book of life.

You have to stop crying, stop waiting for him to come back to you and to make it right, chances are, he isn’t going to. He doesn’t deserve the tears you’ve been crying, he doesn’t deserve to go out and have fun with his friends while you’re lying around on the couch sulking over him.

You have to get back out there, buy a new outfit, paint that gorgeous smile on your face and start enjoying your life again. You only have one life to live and I promise you it’s time to start living it again.

One day soon it’s gonna hit you that he did you a favor.

When he finally realizes that he gave up on true love, someone else is already going to have started building you back up. You’ll already be on the path of creating new memories with someone else.

So embrace the heartache. I know it’s terrible but it makes you a stronger and wiser woman. Let yourself feel everything you need to heal and then move forward. Tomorrow is always a new day, and it’s your day.

So put on that smile that’s been missing. You’re beautiful, so go out and show the world the happy girl we all know is in there.

To see more of Audi’s work check out her facebook page.