Woman Hilariously Offers To Show Up To People’s Funerals For $50 And Actually Cashes In

For many of us, the idea of dying is pretty scary. Not only are we enamored by the idea of “what happens next,” but we’re also worried if anyone will care that we’re gone. Like, how much do you wonder if people will actually show up to your funeral? No? Just me? Okay then. Well, with all of my constant anxiety of being remembered as a good person and actually having people come to mourn me, I can now rest assured knowing I can always pay some great people out there to stand at my funeral to make it look like I was liked and cared for.

26-year-old writer and journalist Dana Schwartz recently shared a brilliant idea on Twitter saying that for $50, she’ll come to your funeral and stand far away, holding a black umbrella and looking shady—so people will think that you have lived a secret life and died a mystery. Honestly…amazing.

She also provided her Venmo account information, you know, in case people actually wanted to cash in and have Schwartz attend their funeral—eventually. She also made some other hefty promises along with her funeral attendance.

And, people actually Venmo’d Schwartz with some requests.

But, the jokes on those who really paid her—because, she said she’ll show up for sure. 

But, people on Twitter had a lot of other requests for Schwartz. Like, this guy who wanted a birthday mystery.

And, these wild detailed requests…

It’s great to see that everyone on Twitter wants to leave the Earth f*cking with their family and loved ones. I love me some shady folks. Thanks for making me look forward to death, y’all.

These Are The Best Essie Polishes For The Girl Who Wears All Black

There’s the girl who wears all black, and then there’s everyone else. She’s stylish to a fault, tastefully sarcastic, and endlessly classy down to her very own fingernails. The girl who wears all black is independent AF and isn’t the type to blow $20 on a manicure when she could put that money to good use, like on happy hours and nachos. When it comes to completing her all-black look, her nails might surprise you. These are the best Essie polishes for the girl who wears all black.

*Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re putting all the money into stocks and bonds. And by stocks and bonds, I mean chocolate and ice cream.

13. For her every day, she uses Essie’s Ballet Slippers 

Essie

The girl who wears all black isn’t flashy, she’s lowkey and casual, so her everyday nail color is a classic nude with a hint of pink.

Get it on Amazon 

12. On a first date, her go to color is Bahama Mama

Target

The girl who wears all black is the flirt, so she needs a deep red to go along with her I’m-not-trying-but-I’m-low-key-trying attitude.

Get it on Amazon 

11. When she’s snowed in at home, she reaches for her No More Film

Essie Envy

This dark indigo perfectly suits her love of staying home and doing her nails while binge watching Netflix… in her all-black PJ’s of course.

Get it on Amazon 

10. On NYE she goes Summit of Style

My Beauty Box

What goes best with black? Gold. Her classiest NYE outfit is black deep V bodysuit, a leather skirt, knee-high boots all tied together with the sparkliest Essie nail polish out there.

Get it on Amazon 

9. For a girls night out she’s all over that Essie Kimono-Over

Amazon

The girl who wears all black makes the best friend and usually attracts other girls who wear all black. This deep violet is the envy of all her friends.

Get it on Amazon 

8. The first day of spring she always rocks Essie Go Ginza

Essie

This lilac color is the brightest color she owns because spring is her all-time favorite season. Not too hot, not too cold, perfect for a pair of black jeans and a cropped black sweater without sweating her ass off.

Get it on Amazon 

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