Time Never Seems To Be On My Side

I stand in the shower and sing the lyrics to different songs. While I may be off key, I know the words to the songs are not. Those lyrics are words that I can’t generate on my own, but they’re words that speak to my soul in just the way they’re supposed to. While I wonder why time never seems to be on my side, I hear the words and I sing along, “nobody said that it would last forever, that doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there.” Then, in that moment, I can remind myself of the time God gave me with you, and at the very least, try to convince myself that it was only meant to be a season.

No Words..

I’ll sit in front of my blank piece of paper and try to make words flow like beautiful poetry. The words don’t come out, and whatever words do get written down are quickly erased…and then I hear the words, “head in my hand, cold coffee on the table. I wish you the best, I would if I was able.” It stings a little less knowing that sometimes the words just won’t come out.

When I Lost Myself

I lost myself slowly at first, then faster and faster as I got farther from myself. I spiraled out of control. I became a dark version of myself. I could barely look in the mirror. I was a person I didn’t even recognize anymore. I didn’t love me anymore.

Thanks to you.

I walked through the days like a zombie, so numb. Constantly full of fear and anxiety. I pushed away those who loved me the most and I held you, the one who could care less about me, closest to me.

I was used by you.

We called it a friendship but, in fact, you were the most toxic relationship in my life.

In my desire for you, I lost sense of my emotions. I lost my clarity. I lost my sense of dignity, my morals, my conscience. You stripped me down and made me feel nothing.

I couldn’t feel happiness unless you allowed me to. I couldn’t feel anger even when you did me wrong, time and time again.

I couldn’t feel sadness over all the things I was losing because of you.

I felt nothing unless you gave it to me. All my emotions hinged on what you allowed me to feel.

No more.

I can no longer allow you to have that control over me.

Pages: 12

Tag: bravery-in-breaking-up

I Knew Goodbye Was Coming-An Open Letter