Getting a bikini wax can either be the best thing ever, at least if you’re results-focused, or it can be mortifying, painful, and a real source of anxiety. You have to go into a salon or spa, let the receptionist know that you’re about to be spread eagle in one of the service rooms, and then you might have the chance to sip on some complimentary wine while you mentally prepare yourself for the endeavor before it begins. It sounds awkward, sure, but there’s so much more to it than that.
Since it’s just about time for the ladies to break out their swimsuits and get their hairless-ness on, we thought that you could use a giggle before your next encounter with the aesthetician. After all, having something funny to think about while you’re pants-less in front of a total stranger sounds like a solid coping strategy.
Check out the list below, bikini waxees. Oh, and best of luck at your next appointment!
- I guess a bikini wax would be a good idea for this vacation. I want to feel like a celebrity or a beauty pageant contestant: hairless and fabulous.
- Shaving always leaves me feeling bumpy and red; it’ll be nice to have less to worry about at the pool.
- I should just ask my friend what it was like to get a Brazilian. She would know.
- That was a horrible idea. Why would I ever ask her a question like that? I’m never getting that done. Ever.
- But I really don’t want to shave and then deal with the elastic from my swimsuit rubbing and irritating me all week.
- It’s decided then. I’ll schedule this appointment. I’ve got this.
- This spa seems nice. Maybe the more you spend, the better the experience.
- I remember one girl who went to a nail salon to do it and the tech didn’t even wear gloves.
- That sounds like an STD waiting to happen.
- Can you get STDs from a bikini wax? I feel like that’s a question for Google.
- That didn’t make me feel any better. So, STD is a no-go but MRSA seems like a legitimate concern.
- I think I’ll take my chances. I’ll just keep an eye on the tech to make sure she tosses each stick in the trash.
- Spending more seems like a solid strategy.
- Ugh. I’m going against all of my re-usable eco-friendly tendencies for a smooth lady area.
- What do I do to prepare for this? Gotta let those babies grow. And definitely pop some Advil.
- But not too much Advil because I don’t want to bleed. Yuck.
- Speaking of bleeding, I hope I don’t get my period during the appointment because of some bad Karma or something.
- Yeah, that won’t happen.
- Ok, here we go. I’m here. No backing out now.
- So I have to take my pants off. This feels inappropriate.
- Wow. Her face is way too close to me. I better not fart.
- Could you imagine if I were to fart? I think I’d die of embarrassment.
- At least the wax isn’t terribly hot. It’s kind of warm, which is nice because it’s freezing in here.
- I wonder if they keep the room cold so that your hairs stand on edge. Would that make it easier to yank them out?
- HOLY @$*& THAT WAS THE WORST FEELING EVER!
- At least the technician is being nice about my cursing. I feel like this could be a good outlet for all of the stress in my life.
- Just kidding. This is the stress in my life.
- Just 25 more wax strips left to go.
- Maybe it’s not too late to just do a partial wax. That’s a thing, right?
- At this point, I think I’ve gone into shock. It doesn’t even really hurt. That seems like a bad thing. Should I call 911?
- I wonder how my goods compare to the other people she’s seen this summer.
- What if I’m some kind of freak? Would she tell the other employees about my lady parts?
- I’m never going to be able to come back to this spa ever again. It’s just too much of a risk of being “the girl with the [whatever is weird that I don’t know is weird].”
- Unless I tip her really well. That could offset my freakishness and keep this between the two of us.
- She wants me to do what with my legs? And then she’s going to do what with my butt?
- This is humiliating.
- I won’t even sit like this when I’m with my boyfriend.
- She’s done. What do I say? A simple thank you seems a bit awkward.
- That’ll have to do, though, because it’s not like I can give her a handshake or a hug like this.
- And here I go on the walk of shame to the reception desk.
- That’s okay. You don’t actually have to announce that I just got a bikini wax so that everyone in the room can immediately jump to slut shaming me.
- Whatever. They’re probably here for the same service. I’m like a trailblazer.
- Now that that’s over with…where’s the best place to buy an ice pack for the ride home?