Getting Over the “Maybe” Guy

We’ve all been there… Going out with someone a few times, living in that weird dating limbo. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it gives you those butterflies in your stomach. Then, unfortunately, something happens and you both realize that the relationship won’t work in the long haul. It’s not exactly a breakup, but it sure feels like it. Why? Because you lived through those moments of newness and thrill and didn’t have the chance to see if it lasted.

In a way, it almost hurts more than ending an official relationship.

Most likely, you’ve probably put in a good amount of effort getting to know this person, seeing how you click, understanding their sense of humor, and figuring out how your personalities mix. Heavy topics usually aren’t talked about much, which could be a good or bad thing.

I’ve been there – getting to know “maybe” guys who I actually ended up really liking.

Why did the almost-relationships go south? Nothing toxic one or the other did, but a realization that some qualities, in fact, won’t mesh in the long run, if that’s what you’re looking for. It could be a difference in opinions. It could be differences in how you view life. Whatever it is, both people can rest assured knowing that the connection, at least, was actually really great.

What made you fall for the “maybe” guy, then? The only-romanticized version of them.

You probably didn’t know them long enough to see their more of-fputting qualities. You were interested in their exciting, challenging, and attractive qualities. That’s the person you started to have feelings for, which would make sense why it hurts when they’re not in your life anymore. The “maybe” guy will get you 10x more than the “all-in” guy.

So, how you do get over him?

The easiest answer? Unfollow, unfriend, delete texts… Treat it like a normal breakup. Rip the band-aid off and cleanse your life as best you can. Even if you only knew them for a month, if your heart was starting to get involved, the best course of action may be the classic things: change up your hair, get a tattoo, start a new exercise routine, go vegan for a week. Do whatever big things you can to drag your mind away from the “maybe” guy.

The harder answer? Let yourself feel the feels. Be sad, eat a gallon of ice cream, watch those completely unrealistic romcoms that you love so much. Be present. Be in your feelings. Feel all the things that you need to. Then, after the Rocky Road is gone and Matthew McConaughey says his last cheesy line, wipe your tears, pick yourself up, and start new the next day.

Getting over someone is rarely a straight line.

There’s no one-size-fits-all for a breakup, no matter how intense it was. People feel things differently and that’s okay. In fact, that’s what makes us all special. So, if you need to get over that “maybe” guy who, for some reason, still has your heart, do whatever you feel like you need to do. In my case, I always keep my freezer stocked with Ben & Jerrys, have my yoga mat nearby, and keep 10 Things I Hate About You queued up. Remember: you’ll get through this, too.

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About the Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

I Refuse to Let You Treat Me Like a Burden Anymore

I hate you for doing this to me, for giving me hope that things might get better then stomping on my heart all over again.

Most of all, I hate that I can’t just walk away. You’re my weakness and even though you constantly play me for a fool, I’m hooked.

But I’m sick of you making me feel useless. You’re constantly ignoring me and treating me like shit (unless people are around, then you’re suddenly a gentleman) and I’m at the end of my rope.

I’m sick of my anxiety creeping up on me daily as I wonder if we’re going to have a good or bad day. My depression lingers around every corner, hoping for a bad day so it can rear its ugly head.

Our relationship feels like an old wooden roller coaster that throws you around, makes your body ache, and leaves you wondering why you got on it in the first place.

You had me believing all the lies you spout. You even convinced me that I “need help,” when in reality, you’re the reason I’m always upset and emotional.

At what point do we just call it quits? How many sleepless nights should I spend replaying every conversation we had, trying to figure out what I did or said wrong?

My anger builds up with volcanic pressure as I start to realize that even though I’ve done nothing wrong, I’m always the one who has to apologize.

Well, guess what: I’m done apologizing.

I’ve allowed you to mentally drain me for too long, but enough is enough. It’s time that changes are made and if you can’t make them, I’m ready to walk away.

I deserve someone who will respect me, not talk down to me; someone who wants me around and doesn’t treat me like a burden.

You can’t even tell me you love me, so why don’t I just leave?

Am I too scared?

No, I’m just comfortable.

But I think it’s time I left my comfort zone. The only chance I have at finding true happiness depends on it.

About The Author

Danielle is a lover of all things. When she doesn’t have her head in a book you can find her taking advantage of long summer days hiking or camping with her dog Nora. Danielle is currently working on her Bachelors Degree in Homeland Security Management.

The Ultimate Breakup Playlist for Any Occasion

Music is the gateway to the soul. The rhythm allows the listener to soar into the lyrics and create a world all their own. Sometimes we just need to listen to that extra sad song so we can sing along and let our deepest worries free. Whether we’re in the middle of a break-up, feeling petty, on a road trip with the girls, still mad that Nick chose Vanessa over Raven on The Bachelor, or just need something to jam to while we clean the house; a break up playlist is what your heart is yearning for. After careful research and hours of singing along, I found the perfect break-up tunes that will speak to any soul. Turn up the volume, let the tears roll, and sing these classic break-up anthems loud and proud.

Irreplaceable – Beyoncé
Take A Bow – Rhianna (or the Glee Cast version)
Survivor – Destiny’s Child
Jolene – Dolly Parton
Somebody Like You – Adele
If I Were a Boy – Beyoncé
Shout Out to My Ex – Little Mix
Too Little, Too Late – JoJo
Say Goodbye – Chris Brown
I Will Always Love You – Whitney Houston
We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift
Same Old Love – Selena Gomez
A Little Bit Stronger – Sara Evans
Fuck You – Ceelo Green
Before He Cheats – Carrie Underwood
Apologize – One Republic
Potential Break-up Song – Aly & AJ
Dive – Ed Sheeran

Here’s to Moving On

Moving on.

The “Epilogue” of a relationship that no one expects to go through. What does it mean to “move on”?

Everyone has a different understanding of the term, however, they all come to the same conclusion: moving on sucks. Theres no sugar coating it. The end all be all of a relationship.

He got the best and the worst of me. He knows me better than anyone else and I don’t know how to have that with someone other than him. The person who taught me how to love, to be invincible, to be human, is the one that broke my heart into pieces without looking back.

We had dreams of a future that we only saw the good in. We didn’t see the nasty fights, the spitting and throwing fists. We didn’t see the late night arguments and chasing each other down the street just to say I’m sorry and begin all over again.

I was in an endless hurricane on a boat with no sail, drowning in an ocean with no bottom.

This wasn’t a relationship. It was two people in a downward spiral, headed no where. It was as if clouds came, letting go the rain and it felt like it was a constant downpour with no room for sunshine.

We gave it all, and sometimes more than others. He broke my heart, just like I did his. When it comes down to it, I wasn’t who he wanted anymore, just like he wasn’t who I needed anymore.

I am living my life, from now on, how I plan to do so. You don’t get to remind me of every mistake I’ve ever made anymore. You don’t get to make me feel any less than I am anymore. You don’t get to ruin me, anymore. I will find my life without you again. I regret some decisions we’ve made but one I will never regret: the decision to end this.

There is light at the end of this tunnel, because it is my tunnel. So here’s to moving on.

To the Guy Who Claimed I Was ‘The One’, Our Future is Cancelled

If you would’ve asked me back then who I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, hands down I would have never second-guessed my answer.

If you would have told me that same day that the man I thought was meant for me, and I was meant for, would cheat on me with his awful ex, I would have told you that you were crazy.

We used to spend all day doing everything together, cooking, studying, taking naps, trying new food, new wines, everything. I would never have thought that when I left my classes early and took that 4-hour drive to surprise you that I would see what I saw. That I would find the two of you in our bed, in our apartment.

I would never have thought that you would try to fix your mistake by proposing to me, begging me to stay because you messed up and you knew it. I would never have thought that someone I could love with all my heart would do something so terrible to me. That I would even witness the entire scene.

I definitely would never have believed that you would try to make me stay with you after what you did.

You claimed I was the one and only girl for you, but you had no problem going out with her and seeing a movie, and then dinner, and then hooking up with her.You had no problem hooking up with her in our apartment. In our bed.

A better man would have had the decency to do that in her apartment. Hell, a better man wouldn’t have done it at all. You could have had the decency to end it with me. And you could have had the balls to tell me I wasn’t what you wanted anymore.

You told me I was the one and only, so why did you do something like that to me? To us?We talked about everything; kids, marriage, buying a house together. I helped you through school, financially and emotionally. Did she do that?

And the funny part is, after years you still try to see what I am doing. You still want to know if I miss you. I’ll clear it up for you. I don’t miss you, and I don’t love you anymore.

I stopped loving you the day I saw you with her. Knowing that I wasn’t what you wanted, wasn’t enough for you, made me realize how much of a fool I was for believing that I was the girl for you.

I hope that in the future you find the girl who really is meant for you, that she helps you through everything, finding a job now that you are done with school, buying and fixing up a house. Everything.

There were highs and lows in our relationship, but the lowest is what you did.

I hope that you realize that no girl or woman deserves to see what you let me see. And I hope that one day you realize how much you messed up, and never repeat history.

I hope that you realize I would have given you the world and then some.

You Will Always Be My Peter Pan

At first, loving you was amazing. How could it not be? Every day was an adventure. You made trips to the grocery store more fun.

Because you were a child at heart and I loved that. And you were the perfect balance to my all work life.

I loved being with you and I always just figured, “Eh, he’ll grow up when it counts.” But, you didn’t. You didn’t grow up.

Not when you lost your job. And not when we were about to be homeless. Even not when I needed you most.

You were perfect in almost every way. Almost. Being with you, I was happier than I ever thought I could be. Waking up with you by my side was the best thing that could have ever happened to me.

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My Final Letter To The Man Who Left Without Saying Goodbye

You left without saying good-bye. The one thing you promised you would do when you left…and you didn’t. By this point, I feel like I should be devastated…I should be so far broken and beneath the surface that the thought of rebuilding myself and climbing out isn’t an option. My God, you almost killed me, rhetorically speaking. Our whole shit show of a relationship almost killed me. My hopefulness for love and life in general, was almost lost again. Almost. Our last conversation was bad, but I didn’t know that’d be the last one. You put so much of the guilt you carried on me, like it was my fault…like I was to blame for the choices we made.

But it’s ok. I can’t speak ill of you. I won’t ever. I won’t ever say a negative thing about you. It was still real…every word we spoke to each other, every kiss and every intimate moment. Every sleepless night, whether it was spent beneath the sheets or just laughing about any and everything…it was real. But you’re not the one for me, and I’m clearly not the one for you. I told you this would either be a lesson or a blessing. But it was both.

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Trying To Say Good bye

If I counted how many times I’ve tried to say “good-bye” to you I would probably be close to publishing a book. I think it’s important, though, to document; to write out how we feel…in any circumstance. Who knows, maybe this will turn into a book. A book of good-byes. A book of saying the same thing over and over again, yet maybe in a different way so I could hope for a different result. But the first thing we learn in psychology is if we always do what we’ve always done, then we’ll always get what we’ve always gotten. I’ve seen you a handful of times in passing recently…petty, irrelevant exchanges were all we had.

Is that all we have left? Me, being barely able to make words when I pass by you. And you, a quick wave and a hello. You seem more confident than I am, but I think that’s my own false perception. I have a text message just sitting in our text exchange just waiting for me to push send on. There’s no question that I’ll eventually send it, but my mind thinks there’s a better time for it. How silly. It says I miss you. And it says I am not handling this very well. It says I am sorry. All three of those statements are honest and true. I do not know how you will respond, and I think the reason why I won’t push send is because I’m clearly scared of the response.

What am I doing? Just push send. I know what I need from you, and part of me is scared to ask. It just needs to become real.. I need you to tell me that you want nothing from me. And I need you to tell me that you have zero feelings, emotional or otherwise towards me. I need you to tell me that you’re going to live your life and never think of me again. And I need to know that I mean nothing to you.

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Today I Lost You, And I Am Not Sorry

Today I Lost

I lost you today. Yes, I lost you. I lost you without really ever knowing if I had you. And I’m going to give myself some grace as I try to get these words out. You’re going to be a tough one, period. Because I knew from day 0 that I was never going to win…how could I? And I need you to believe that I accepted that. But I still went for it, I had too.

Experience

Because I had to know you, I had to experience you. And my cliché response to it all – I don’t regret a single thing. Do you know that I love you? I almost blurted it out one of the last times we were laying next to each other and just laughing. I just remember being in that moment and feeling happiness and love that I haven’t felt in years, and I just wanted to tell you that I loved you right then, but I didn’t.

You Cared

I might never know how you truly feel about me, and I understand why. But I’d like to believe you cared. Actually, I know you did. And I know a part of you fell for me, even if you caught yourself. I know in this moment we’re not meant to be. I want to get over you and move on. I also want to know that you’re unconditionally happy. Nobody said that this would last forever, but I would have done anything to try to get there. But for today, I just want you to be happy.

Grateful

I can’t describe how lucky I feel to have gotten the time I had with you. You are an amazing human being. I hope you remember me, and the time we had together. I hope you know how much joy and pleasure I felt from you. I hope you felt it too. We were good, like really good. I hope you see yourself as I see you…for who you are, the compassion in your heart and that, ‘bring me to my knees’ smile.

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I Knew Goodbye Was Coming-An Open Letter

Time Never Seems To Be On My Side

I stand in the shower and sing the lyrics to different songs. While I may be off key, I know the words to the songs are not. Those lyrics are words that I can’t generate on my own, but they’re words that speak to my soul in just the way they’re supposed to. While I wonder why time never seems to be on my side, I hear the words and I sing along, “nobody said that it would last forever, that doesn’t mean we didn’t try to get there.” Then, in that moment, I can remind myself of the time God gave me with you, and at the very least, try to convince myself that it was only meant to be a season.

No Words..

I’ll sit in front of my blank piece of paper and try to make words flow like beautiful poetry. The words don’t come out, and whatever words do get written down are quickly erased…and then I hear the words, “head in my hand, cold coffee on the table. I wish you the best, I would if I was able.” It stings a little less knowing that sometimes the words just won’t come out.

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