Tag: breakup

I Love You, But I Love Me More

It’s 3 am and I’m laying here, wishing things were different. Knowing both of us are forever going to be changed. I wish I didn’t have to feel this lonely. And I know that things are not gonna be different if something drastic doesn’t happen. And also knowing that a drastic thing is gonna happen in just a few short hours. 

I wish last week you’d have taken this more seriously. That you would have listened to me. Since you didn’t, the only thing I can say is … I love you, but I have to love me more. I have to heal and grow. And I am so sorry that it means that we cannot be us right now. I do hope that you  understand. 

All I really wanted two hours ago was for you to fight for us. And when you said nothing and I rolled over, you didn’t even reach out to put your arm around. Because it was in that very moment thatI knew, that you weren’t going to. That we lost our connection.

In the spirit of not ruining all of the fun that you so desperately want to have, I’m going to see myself out. No, really, it is all fine–  I’m just going to go home. At least that’s my plan tonight as I lay here wondering if we have a future and wondering if you’ll ever understand. Because I lay next to you with tears in my eyes and you have nothing to say! But that, silence, that cold silence, spoke volumes, validating my decision to go. So, again I hope that you can understand. 

I know this isn’t going to be easy for you. And that you need me to be the bad guy. The one who ripped your heart out in front of the rest of the world. Ok, that’s fine. I just hope that you will one day understand that I just needed more from you. That I needed to be your priority. And that I expected  you to do what you said you would do, and not just the sacrifices that you felt like doing. I think I my may be in your way, so now I know it’s time to step back and let you grow up. 

I hope that you can understand that I know that is what you need. You need time and space. I get that. I only hope that when you realize what it is that you need for yourself, not too much will have passed. Otherwise, we will continue to slip too far away from each other. You see, I always said that I would always be your cheerleader, and I will. I wish you nothing but love and happiness, even if that means it is not with me. Because of this, this love, that I have for you. Your cheerleader is gonna sit on the sidelines quietly while you talk over your next play. I just hope that you can understand! 

I’ll leave you with this. I love you so much it’s literally killing me thinking of what’s to come in a few short hours. The tears streaming down my face are because I know how much this is gonna hurt. Believe me, this breakup is the last thing that I ever wanted to do. And all I can cling to right now is the hope that you understand that is more for you than for me! I hope that you figure out what you need. I am forever rooting for you, forever your cheerleader. 

Forever my love,

-E

Your memory burns like a FIRE

What may really throw you off is that narcissists can be be exteremely charming. Don’t be fooled, as my mother once said; “Looks can be deciving.” With him it wasn’t all about the looks, don’t get me wrong he wasn’t the ugliest man on the Earth. Not to mention he came with a trendous amount of flaws, flaws that i never expected him to have. Needless to say, i looked passed all his flaws. I love him for who he was and most of all i accepted the person he use to be in his past.

He spent 5years chasing me. Don’t get aroused , this isn’t a love story, and we most certainly didn’t have a “happy ending.”

He was the guy that was on my ‘DO NOT DATE LIST’. Something changed, New Years of 2021 I made a list of resulotions. One that included Dating someone who wasn’t my type. Somewhere in site of it all i started chasing after a guy who i said i’d never date. Before i’d made a bunch of excuses as to why i’d never give him a chance. In my gut i knew he was no good for me, but i chose to honor my resolutions and give it a try.

Here’s how it all started…. It was some time in November of 2020, it was 3am… I was scrolling through Facebook because i couldn’t sleep, which was nothing unusal. He messaged me.. “Wat r u doing up so late?” as the conversation proceeded he eventually asked “we shld hangout…..” I read the message, and went back to scrolling through facebook, when he messaged me again saying “i guess not?????” I remember a million excuses running threw my mind. None of which i used. Instead i sent him my address… Fast forward. He was sitting on my couch, as i got up he said, ” Fuck this.” He said i’d been waiting forever for this moment to happen and kissed me. None of this was anything sort of what i expected. Before i knew it we were in my bedroom, and you know what happens after that. I told him i didn’t want a serious relationship and he agreed. It was settled friends with benefits. We all know how that turns out… Someone always fall in love. unexpectedly i was the one to fall first. 

Things were great at first when it was no strings attached. Then one day i found myself blowing up his phone because he couldn’t repsond to not one of my text messages. 

Fast forward, he moved in with me… Things got worse not better. We fought at every little thing. I started questioning my self.  He became a cold person. I lost any self esteem i had left. He made me think that my own mother was trying to turn me against him. Every fight we had was always my fault. If i even dared to tell him that his actions hurt me, he grabbed me by the throat and choke me. He slap in the face telling me, ” I hate doing this to you, i don’t wanna hit you.” Eventually it didn’t matter what i said. Finally i had enough nerve to move 2 hours way just to get away from him.. Moving in my mom or dad wasn’t an option because I knew i’d run right back to him. I was blinded by “love” But that wasn’t love..

It’s been 2 months since i spoke to him.. I hate that I can’t get over all the things he’s done to me.. I keep thinking i need closure . Truth is closure isn’t always whats best for us. It took me quite sometime to real that. Leave the past where it belongs. Stop saying ” good things never happen to me”. They’ll only happen if you let them.

To the One I Let Get Away

It’s funny, being in a place where you realize that you let something good slip through your fingers, and the only person those fingers can point at is yourself. It’s almost easier going through a breakup than it is wondering what could have been. I know I’m not alone, and I know that there’s nothing I can do to change the situation now.

Because why shouldn’t you move on? I’m the one who said no.

In the moment, I was so sure my choice was right. But, looking back, I was letting my fear get in the way of something potentially great. I wish I could say that’s not how it’s always been… How this time was just a lapse of judgment. But, the truth is, fear has always been a part of me, and I didn’t realize how much joy and happiness it took from me until I walked away.

Just know: it’s not you, it’s me. Really.

You were nothing but kind, smart, funny, encouraging; made me feel like I could do anything I set my mind to. You celebrated my wins and encouraged me in my losses. You were there on the other side of the phone if and when I needed it. You challenged me and made me realize that my dreams aren’t as farfetched as I thought they were.

And here I am, again, letting that fear and my pride call the shots again.

This isn’t a pity letter. This isn’t my failed attempt at proving to be something I so badly wish I was. This is me, laying the cards on the table, if only for just myself. The fact is, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone about how I was wrong, how I regret my decision. Just writing this, in itself, is progress.

The truth is, I wish I could rewind the clock.

I wish I could go back to that day, that moment… The last time I fell back into that fear. Because since then, I’ve actually made brave changes in my life and the empowerment has been incredible. But knowing that I let that one moment dictate potentially the rest of my life gives me chills.

There’s a twisted art to realizing what could have been.

The embarrassment, the fear, the nagging on the heart all makes sense and, quite frankly, is to be expected with someone like me. The person who preaches about being open and honest and wearing your heart on your sleeve actually fears an open heart and bare communication. The ultimate contradiction.

So, to you who I pushed aside only to realize that I pushed aside something potentially great, this is not an excuse, but an explanation. Chances are supposed to be taken and feelings are supposed to be put on the line. That’s how life is supposed to go and what I’ll be aiming for from now on.

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About The Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

The Rebellious Girl’s Guide to a Breakup

We’ve all been there… Whether it’s your choice or theirs, you lost someone you cared about. Now, there are a million ways people can deal with breakups ranging from gallons of Ben & Jerrys to crying by a sunset. But, if you’re anything like me and prefer the edgier side of life, this breakup guide is for you.

Try a New Haircut

This is one of the most classic post-breakup actions. This is your time to take drastic measures because this is a new you! If you’re a brunette, try dying your hair bleach blonde. If you have long hair, try a bob. Dye it, chop it, shave a design into the back of your head… Express yourself via your locks.

Get a Tattoo

Getting a tattoo is one of my favorite activities, in general. So, if you already have tats, add to the collection. If you’re a tattoo virgin, take a friend and get something tiny. There are shops everywhere, and sometimes tattoo parlors do special deals for Friday the 13th. Whether it’s a tiny lightning bolt or a quote that covers your ribs, take the ink plunge.

Get a Piercing

Again, getting piercings is one of my favorite things to do. In fact, I’m running out of places to pierce. Especially if you’re wary of a tattoo, a piercing could be your best option. This could include your ears, belly button, nose, eyebrow… If it’s piercable, look into it. If you don’t like it, you can take it out – plain and simple. This can be done at almost any tattoo shop which may have deals from time to time on piercings, too.

Cut Up Pictures

You know those hundreds of pictures you have saved on your phone of you and your S.O.? Get them printed cheap at Walmart, delete them from your phone, and take a scissor to them! After you’re done, you can throw the shreds out, burn them (if it’s safe for the environment), whatever. Trust me, it feels better to chop up something than just deleting the pictures from wherever they’re saved.

(Safely) Destroy Some of Their Things

Now, let’s be clear. Arson is never okay. Destroying things that will cause harm to the environment in the end is never okay. But, if you have some old t-shirts, maybe a baseball cap, or any other little thing that is okay to destroy, do it. Of course, never destroy anything that the other person may want back. But, if they’re okay with losing it, throw it in a fire pit and light a match. Cut their clothes up into little rags and use them for cleaning. Do what you have to do (safely, of course).

Put Together a Playlist

If that means sad songs, then go with that. But, if you’re looking for a way to take out your anger, I suggest some of the best breakup anthems ever created. If you’re not in the mood to create one from scratch, Spotify has hundreds that will fit with how you’re feeling.

Let Yourself Feel

Yes, I know. This is not very “rebellious.” But, letting yourself feel emotions is healthy. What’s not healthy is clinging onto them for dear life. But, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be angry. It’s what you do in those moments that can lead to toxicity.

In the end, you need to handle a breakup in a way that is most positive for you and your mental health. As someone who has tried every single post-breakup action in the book, I can positively say that the ones listed above are what worked best for me. But, remember, go at your own speed and always put your mental health first.

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About the Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Getting Over the “Maybe” Guy

We’ve all been there… Going out with someone a few times, living in that weird dating limbo. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it gives you those butterflies in your stomach. Then, unfortunately, something happens and you both realize that the relationship won’t work in the long haul. It’s not exactly a breakup, but it sure feels like it. Why? Because you lived through those moments of newness and thrill and didn’t have the chance to see if it lasted.

In a way, it almost hurts more than ending an official relationship.

Most likely, you’ve probably put in a good amount of effort getting to know this person, seeing how you click, understanding their sense of humor, and figuring out how your personalities mix. Heavy topics usually aren’t talked about much, which could be a good or bad thing.

I’ve been there – getting to know “maybe” guys who I actually ended up really liking.

Why did the almost-relationships go south? Nothing toxic one or the other did, but a realization that some qualities, in fact, won’t mesh in the long run, if that’s what you’re looking for. It could be a difference in opinions. It could be differences in how you view life. Whatever it is, both people can rest assured knowing that the connection, at least, was actually really great.

What made you fall for the “maybe” guy, then? The only-romanticized version of them.

You probably didn’t know them long enough to see their more of-fputting qualities. You were interested in their exciting, challenging, and attractive qualities. That’s the person you started to have feelings for, which would make sense why it hurts when they’re not in your life anymore. The “maybe” guy will get you 10x more than the “all-in” guy.

So, how you do get over him?

The easiest answer? Unfollow, unfriend, delete texts… Treat it like a normal breakup. Rip the band-aid off and cleanse your life as best you can. Even if you only knew them for a month, if your heart was starting to get involved, the best course of action may be the classic things: change up your hair, get a tattoo, start a new exercise routine, go vegan for a week. Do whatever big things you can to drag your mind away from the “maybe” guy.

The harder answer? Let yourself feel the feels. Be sad, eat a gallon of ice cream, watch those completely unrealistic romcoms that you love so much. Be present. Be in your feelings. Feel all the things that you need to. Then, after the Rocky Road is gone and Matthew McConaughey says his last cheesy line, wipe your tears, pick yourself up, and start new the next day.

Getting over someone is rarely a straight line.

There’s no one-size-fits-all for a breakup, no matter how intense it was. People feel things differently and that’s okay. In fact, that’s what makes us all special. So, if you need to get over that “maybe” guy who, for some reason, still has your heart, do whatever you feel like you need to do. In my case, I always keep my freezer stocked with Ben & Jerrys, have my yoga mat nearby, and keep 10 Things I Hate About You queued up. Remember: you’ll get through this, too.

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About the Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

Finding Balance: 6 Steps Towards an Amiable Separation

Relationships end for many reasons, and you may still be coming to terms with the recent conclusion of your relationship. As difficult as this time can be, you have many options available to you to help you progress and resolve the situation. There are a number of trusted and experienced divorce lawyers in Melbourne who can assist you through this journey to ensure you get the outcome you are looking for.

No matter how you are feeling right now, remember things will eventually get better and this difficult situation will soon be behind you. It’s important to understand what you can do to ensure an amicable separation from your ex and move forward with your life as soon as possible. Separating from your partner can be a stressful experience but with the right approach, you can ensure everything goes as smoothly as possible and you and your ex have an amicable separation.

Let’s take a look at six steps you can follow to ensure an amicable separation from your partner.

 

Communicate What You Need

Having open conversations can help ensure you are both on the same page in your understanding of the processes that need to be completed. Take time to prepare and learn about what you will need to complete when filing for separation and ensure that the other person is also aware of what they need to do. With any relationship, it will take time to untangle your lives and figure out the best course of action, so make sure you are clear on what you need and want to achieve.

 

Write Stuff Down

At times it can be easier to write than to speak. If you feel conversations are not serving to progress your situation, then try emailing your ex to lay out your thoughts clearly. Writing down what you want to communicate can help you consider what you want to say, and also gives the other person time to digest your words and then respond in a calm, considered way.

 

Be Honest About Your Finances

The subject of finances always has the potential to be divisive and can easily increase tensions between you and your ex-partner. The only way that you both get what you want in this area of your separation, is, to be honest, and open about what you need.

To start the process, you should perform an audit of both your family spend and your personal spend, making a written record of all the details. Also, consider whether you should close any joint accounts and look at how you can best approach any jointly held credit cards. It can be helpful to create a budget to help determine whether you are both able to live separately from one another, whilst still covering living costs, paying bills, and taking care of the needs of your children. If it is proving difficult to have these conversations, then seek advice from a professional to help navigate this often difficult issue.

 

Remain Mindful Of Your Children

Separation is a difficult process for kids and one that can be upsetting and confusing. Remember that you both need to be there for them throughout the process to ensure that they handle everything well. Try to explain in the best you can what is happening, and make sure they know they will still have access to both of you when they need their parents. Although you may be separating, your child still deserves to have relationships with family on both sides. It’s important to strive to establish a stable arrangement for each partner, ensuring there is equal access on a regular basis.

 

Practice Meditation

In the midst of all this stress and rearranging, it can be difficult to find a moment of peace and calm. Practicing meditation once a day can help you realign and set clear intentions. Meditation has a positive impact on your mood and can help quieten daily stresses. Having a little quiet time set aside just for you can also help you gain some clarity in your thoughts.

Create A Support Network

Going through a separation, it won’t always be plain sailing. There will be moments where you need to lean on someone and ask for their support. Talk to friends and family and make them aware of how you are coping with the ongoing situation. Seeking out support will help progress your healing and acceptance, and it will keep those closest to you aware of what you need.

When leaning on friends and family, be sure to make it clear you don’t want to point blame at your ex. Having family and friends bad mouthing this person will not help resolve your feelings and may hinder the process of you building a good relationship with your former partner going forward. It is far more helpful if these voices offer support and balanced advice.

 

Look After Your Own Needs To Ensure Your Separation Goes Smoothly

Remember to check in with yourself throughout and after going through a separation. Your mental wellbeing during the progression of this situation is important, and you need to take care of yourself. If things get too difficult, remember you are not alone, and that there are professional services available that can offer help to see you through the tough times. With the right help and support through your separation proceedings, you will be in a better frame of mind to deal with the issues at hand and reach an amicable solution with your ex.

To the Guy Who Claimed I Was ‘The One’, Our Future is Cancelled

If you would’ve asked me back then who I thought I would be with for the rest of my life, hands down I would have never second-guessed my answer.

If you would have told me that same day that the man I thought was meant for me, and I was meant for, would cheat on me with his awful ex, I would have told you that you were crazy.

 

We used to spend all day doing everything together, cooking, studying, taking naps, trying new food, new wines, everything. I would never have thought that when I left my classes early and took that 4-hour drive to surprise you that I would see what I saw. That I would find the two of you in our bed, in our apartment.

 

I would never have thought that you would try to fix your mistake by proposing to me, begging me to stay because you messed up and you knew it. I would never have thought that someone I could love with all my heart would do something so terrible to me. That I would even witness the entire scene.

 

I definitely would never have believed that you would try to make me stay with you after what you did.

 

You claimed I was the one and only girl for you, but you had no problem going out with her and seeing a movie, and then dinner, and then hooking up with her.You had no problem hooking up with her in our apartment. In our bed.

 

A better man would have had the decency to do that in her apartment. Hell, a better man wouldn’t have done it at all. You could have had the decency to end it with me. And you could have had the balls to tell me I wasn’t what you wanted anymore.

 

You told me I was the one and only, so why did you do something like that to me? To us?We talked about everything; kids, marriage, buying a house together. I helped you through school, financially and emotionally. Did she do that?

 

And the funny part is, after years you still try to see what I am doing. You still want to know if I miss you. I’ll clear it up for you. I don’t miss you, and I don’t love you anymore.

 

I stopped loving you the day I saw you with her. Knowing that I wasn’t what you wanted, wasn’t enough for you, made me realize how much of a fool I was for believing that I was the girl for you.

 

I hope that in the future you find the girl who really is meant for you, that she helps you through everything, finding a job now that you are done with school, buying and fixing up a house. Everything.

 

There were highs and lows in our relationship, but the lowest is what you did. 

I hope that you realize that no girl or woman deserves to see what you let me see. And I hope that one day you realize how much you messed up, and never repeat history.

I hope that you realize I would have given you the world and then some.

The Truth Is, Heartbreak Can Change You for The Better

Goodbye

Somewhere in the midst of our busy lives, our relationship took a turn- somewhere we went wrong, somewhere we lost ourselves a little bit. I didn’t want too, but I had too, I had to say goodbye and it took every ounce of strength in my body. It’s over now and all that’s left is the type of heartbreak that affects your soul.

I loved every single part of him, and he loved me the same way. I would’ve done anything for him, honestly, I think I still would.

 

How did we let our relationship get to a point where I had to end it? We went from having a love that so many people would kill to share, to slowly drifting apart, to eventually becoming strangers with memories.

 

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You Lost Her, And Honestly It’s Your Own Fault

How could you not see that you’re all she wanted? How could you not see her holding on with every fiber of her being to make it work?

You turned her strong, willful personality into an issue. You couldn’t handle being challenged by her, so you buried the very traits that make her, her. It was easier to see things your way than to try and understand her.

And when you drain out the very essence of someone until they can’t even recognize themselves anymore…that’s when the problems begin.

You just couldn’t get that she was the type of girl who showed her love by pushing you out of your comfort zone. She craved more from you for yourself, every dream of yours became hers and she never failed to call you out when you weren’t living up to your potential.

She didn’t just serve to please you and because of that, you failed to feel her real love for you. She didn’t fail to see how great this love could’ve been, how it could’ve changed the both of you for the better. Unlike you, she knew it would take work but she knew that the work would’ve been worth it. You, on the other hand, couldn’t see past instant gratification so you stopped making the effort to choose her and started to look elsewhere.

You couldn’t handle how real this could have been, but you could handle placing the blame on everything else. To you, your behavior and actions weren’t the problems it was just that you “wanted something easy, drama free.”

And while you may still have seen yourself as the gentleman who did everything in his power to make her feel special, the reality was far from it. The only thing that was easy about this relationship was how easily it was for you to chip away at her until she felt nothing but her insecurities.You covered up the emotional beatings with your own issues to the point where she was suffocating while trying to heal you. And even then, when she could barely breathe, you piled the excuses, the betrayal and the flat out bullshit on top of her as your attempt to bandage it all up.

But no matter how many times you became that “gentleman” lifting her back up from it all, her heart could never fully recover. You failed to understand just how much damage was caused and so her pain turned into something you could see. Her pain turned into rage and that’s when you stopped loving her. How could you not see that her rage was because of your toxic self?

This wasn’t easy or drama free, it was difficult and chaotic and she was still holding on but somehow that was too inconvenient for you to try harder. So she got off this rollercoaster and you came crashing down. You couldn’t take the fall so you decided to be the man she needed, but in the end, it wasn’t a change for her. It was for you. And it wasn’t a change at all.

It took you awhile to realize that but she learned quickly that it would always end the same way. You loved yourself too much to see the big picture and she lost herself trying to get you both to that big picture.

She may have hated herself for blindly trying to get you both to a love so out of this world, but she never saw herself as stupid. She knew you had something complicated and intense and was the biggest challenge of her life. But she also knew that it was the love that you fight for again and again because you don’t get that with just anyone.

You knew she was right because you felt it too but you decided not to fight to keep her. You knew, as insufferable as it would be to watch her leave for good, you had to because she deserved to experience this love with someone who could do the work.

And while you may think you’re a hero for saving her from you, the truth is you’re not. You are the reason why she didn’t get the love she deserved. You are the reason therelationship failed instead of lasting a lifetime. You let your toxic bullshit drag her down rather than protecting her with the love you felt.

She was strong and would have weathered any storm with you but every woman has their limit on how many battles they can fight alone. So change, choose to lover her and she’ll never make you regret it.

Twitter Thread Shows Just How Much Giving Up A Good Girl Can Screw Up Your Life

Many times in life, it so happens that we meet people at the wrong time. Even if two people are destined to be together, if it’s not the right time, things just won’t work out. Think of it this way—how many times have you dated someone that was in a completely different stage of their life (emotionally, mentally) and because of this, you could never see eye-to-eye? Maybe you wanted to move forward—get married, start a family—and your partner was too busy clubbing and bar-hopping every weekend.

Well, I hate to break it to you, but when you aren’t ready for the “right one,” the right one won’t wait around for you. So often, people think that “true love will wait,” but, that’s unrealistic and a bunch of fairy tale garbage. To prove it, I bring you Twitter user Rev Rell, who shared a story of her friend who lost a good girl forever.

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099355425504456704

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099355429975535617

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099355431774892032

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099356998087462912

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099358027231215616

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099358962653241345

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099359724926054400

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099361020961792009

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099365704116121602

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099365706922160131

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099366819465437184

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099368656310599681

https://twitter.com/awkward_duck/status/1099438499290406913

People online were applauding the thread, thanking her for being so real and honest, and sharing their own experiences that this is—indeed—facts.

https://twitter.com/HarlemMC/status/1099374409666711552

https://twitter.com/yadada_mean_/status/1099469549018193920

https://twitter.com/amygair_/status/1099398243702763521https://twitter.com/sweeneyyyyyyyy/status/1099607056422764544

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