If you’re reading this then you probably know the feeling I’m talking about. The rug was swept out from underneath you.
That feeling when you realize that everything you had believed in before just crumbled underneath you, the foundation you thought you built with someone suddenly disappeared, and your stomach is in knot and any excitement you had before has turned into an overwhelming disappointment?
I grew up in an environment of having the rug swept right out from underneath and worse.. falling on my ass. My relationship with my father always left me feeling as though I was trying to fill a void that he continued to widen.
You would think that after having it happen so many times growing up I would have learned my lesson; I would have learned which signs to look out for. But nope. I was blinded by love. A love that was so real that I thought it filled the void of my childhood. I thought that maybe, just maybe, not everyone would leave me on my ass.
But after a three year relationship that was the best of times and the worst of times, I can safely say.. I sit here writing this, again on – my – ass. Who knew that someone could have such little regard for another person’s feelings?
Except today I made the decision that this will be the last time that any man – family, relationship, or otherwise – will ever leave me feeling this way. I know the signs now.
The problem is that I was blinded by the same qualities that had originally hurt me. I fell in love with someone who needed attention and would do anything to get it, just like my father.
But girls need attention, too. I mean, come on… I thought that was a known fact. After three years of being in a roller coaster of a relationship, I decided to stop giving this toxicity my attention. It bit me in the ass. As soon as I wasn’t giving him my attention, he looked elsewhere.
But now I know the signs to look for. I can’t continue to jump into relationships with anyone despite how well I think I know them. Clearly the year I took ‘getting to know’ this guy was NOT enough. I’m taking things slow from here on out, no matter how long that takes. Ladies, we need to find partners who have backgrounds and goals and dreams that align with our own.
Gone are the days of sacrificing all of ourselves for someone else. It’s time we put ourselves first. No matter how long the ‘getting to know someone’ process takes, I promise it is more gratifying than being left out on your ass. Make sure that person can hate you but still respect you. Be so angry for you but still adore you. Be so hurt by you but still forgive you. And most of all, be all these things and still LOVE you.
We won’t be loved by anyone until we start sticking up for ourselves. It starts now. Bye bye, carpet!