Today I Lost You, And I Am Not Sorry

Today I Lost

I lost you today. Yes, I lost you.  I lost you without really ever knowing if I had you.  And I’m going to give myself some grace as I try to get these words out.  You’re going to be a tough one, period. Because I knew from day 0 that I was never going to win…how could I?  And I need you to believe that I accepted that.  But I still went for it, I had too.

Experience

Because I had to know you, I had to experience you.  And my cliché response to it all – I don’t regret a single thing.  Do you know that I love you?  I almost blurted it out one of the last times we were laying next to each other and just laughing.  I just remember being in that moment and feeling happiness and love that I haven’t felt in years, and I just wanted to tell you that I loved you right then, but I didn’t.

You Cared

I might never know how you truly feel about me, and I understand why.  But I’d like to believe you cared.  Actually, I know you did.  And I know a part of you fell for me, even if you caught yourself.  I know in this moment we’re not meant to be.  I want to get over you and move on.  I also want to know that you’re unconditionally happy.  Nobody said that this would last forever, but I would have done anything to try to get there.  But for today, I just want you to be happy.

Grateful

I can’t describe how lucky I feel to have gotten the time I had with you.  You are an amazing human being.  I hope you remember me, and the time we had together.  I hope you know how much joy and pleasure I felt from you.  I hope you felt it too.  We were good, like really good.  I hope you see yourself as I see you…for who you are, the compassion in your heart and that, ‘bring me to my knees’ smile.

 

The Struggle Of Trying To Forget Someone You Truly Love

When a love so intense and pure blooms in your heart, you can never make it disappear out of existence when the relationship ends. Love’s a force that is so powerful that it could never be extinguished. You can tame your heart from yearning for what you’ve lost, but you can never truly erase the impact that loving so intensely has on your heart and soul.  

You should come to terms with the fact that forgetting someone you love is only possible if your love was never unconditional. 

But you loved passionately and intensely, so all you can really do is try to compromise with your heart on how you’ll begin to live with the memories that he left behind; the sound of his voice and how amazing it felt when he caressed your hair.

He ignited all your senses, so it’s almost as if the DNA of his soul has made its way through yours and found a forever home.

You can try to be practical with your feelings towards that person and negotiate with your heart on how much thinking about the past can be detrimental to your heart.

It won’t happen overnight, but one day soon, you’ll begin to notice that the thought of him doesn’t sting anymore.

Because the truth is, the past stays in the past, the good and bad. As much as it might hurt, even if he was the most amazing person your soul has ever come to known, he was just a chapter in your life.

Coping with the pain every time the memory of him lurks in is all you can do because forgetting the love that you shared is futile.

Right now the love that lives in your heart is more powerful than any logic that you might want to inject to your overthinking mind so that you can stop the pain.

Rational thinking has no place in how your emotions work, especially in those days you miss him most.

You might fear that you will never be able to live without the pressure on your chest that makes you hold your breath at the thought of him, screaming for one last kiss.

But closure is not something you will find outside of yourself. It will not come from him, it will happen when you choose to let your emotions run its natural course, pain and all. So be strong and patient with your heart.

You will be able to live without him and with the memory of what you had. He was not meant to be your forever, even if you think that no one else will be able to see right through you as he did.

The truth is, the love you have for him and all the memories that you’ve built are eternal but the pain of losing him is not.

You will move on and you’ll be able to see the big picture. Embrace where you are with your feelings right now. Those feelings are just an indication of your ability to love, so don’t let them break you.

Instead, let your ability to love to show you how much you can grow from loving and losing him. Because in the end, your heart is big enough to love as many times as you possibly can and to hold all those memories in a special place in your heart forever.

Exit mobile version