A female perspective of “Choose Her Everyday (Or Leave Her),” by Bryan Reeves:
I spent two years getting badly hurt by a guy who stayed with me but never fully chose me.
He did want to be with me. He wanted to choose me. Falling in love is not a choice – choosing them every day once you do it. But falling in love is an instant connection, it’s unexpected – I met him and we just talked and I noticed the way his lips curved when he smiled and the color of his eyes and all at once I knew I was either lucky or screwed. Two eyes and a heartbeat. That’s all it took.
Unfortunately, as happens often with young love, our ignorance of how to truly love quickly created chaos in our relationship. I could see in his eyes that he would sometimes wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love him better.
As the months passed and that thought played more and more through his head, he started to appreciate me and less and less. Eventually, he stopped choosing me – and we both suffered. Love never dies a natural death. Love requires you to choose the person you fell in love with, again and again, choose to make an effort for them. And he just didn’t. Not enough.
He stayed with me. He just stopped choosing me. That killed me inside.
Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the things I was bringing into his life that changed him. Realizing that I fought with him at inopportune times because my anger was fueled by my passion and emotions for him. I cared. I loved him. I loved all of him. We didn’t just hang out. We played. We were silly and ridiculous and alive.
I was the only one who could challenge him – make him better, I couldn’t stop loving him no matter what he did. I was the only person who he ever fully gave himself to – I wiped his tears as he spoke about his dad, whispering in his ear that everything will be okay.
To be fair, towards the end of our relationship, I didn’t fully choose him, either. I was rage-fueled, vindictive, I often hurled awful insults at him – like fireworks our chemistry combusted, leaving us burned and confused.
But only after did he realize that I was that angry because I didn’t feel safe with him. I wanted him to wake up and realize that I was worth fighting for. That these so-called ‘options’ were nothing more than an illusion, that it was all bullshit – just his ego talking. That someone might be easier to love – but it would never satisfy him. Because what we had wasn’t easy – it was extraordinary. And I knew how rare that was.
Sadly, he didn’t understand this at the moment – he only realized it when it was too late. He was too focused on my anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my strong personality that wore him down. I could feel him not choosing me, so it brought out the worst in me. Eventually, my biggest fear came true – he abandoned me, sabotaging our relationship, shattering my heart.
I’ll never be with someone who doesn’t choose me again.
If you’re in a relationship, I urge you to ask yourself this question:
“Is my partner choosing me today?”
Are they appreciating you, making an effort for you? Because love is not enough. Staying with someone is not enough. They have to choose you.
And you can’t make someone choose you, you are only responsible for yourself. If the person you’re with doesn’t understand that a true connection is once in a lifetime, that it means something, that you have to fight for it, let them go. Because you never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready.
If they have one foot out the door, unable to see what is right in front of them if they think easiness is good, that there’s something better, that the more chances they have, the better, let them go.
Because only an extraordinary person can appreciate and choose the extraordinary. Make room for that person, the person who deserves all of your magic, the person who will eagerly choose you every day.
