I Loved You Enough To Hate You When It Ended

I fell to my knees upon hearing“it’s over” and at that moment I felt hateIt was like everything I had come to know was a lie. I thought back to every moment and how quickly the joyful memories replayed in my mind with a bitter taste of regret and sorrow.

I begged and pleaded for him to stay.

But I knew very well, once someone had made up their mind about leaving, the sad truth was they’ve probably decided that a while ago.

I sped down the highway with tears making my vision blurry and a cell phone in one hand. “It’s over,” I said to my friend on the other line. Just saying those two words sent me into a whirlwind of emotions and hysteria. I was in a state of disbelief. Denial really. How could something so perfect end so badly and why?

I hated him for how it ended. More so, I hated him for the person he made me become in his absence.

I became someone I didn’t recognize. I became someone who was weak and sad and desperate. Everywhere I looked I saw him. He was in every picture frame, in every gift he ever gave me. The memory of him was everywhere yet he was nowhere to be found. His memory haunting me in the cruelest of ways. I looked in the mirror with bloodshot eyes and makeup that ran black down my face.

His role in my life wasn’t just someone I loved but someone I had come to need in our time together.

I think that’s what I hated most was thinking I needed someone to be happy. I stared at the ceiling not blinking. It’s funny how loud silence can be. It’s funny how it can consume you.

The promises of forever and never walking away became just another tale of fiction in my life.

Messages of “good morning beautiful,” we’re all a thing of the past.

It was crying so hard I actually thought I was gonna throw up from it. It’s not being hungry because even if there were hunger pains, heartbreak panged much louder.

I hated that he changed me like that.

It’s reaching for anything to get me through the day or night. It redefined what I thought rock bottom would be like.

It’s scrolling through my newsfeed, watching as his life went on and it feeling like mine had been put on freeze

I hated that it didn’t hurt him and here I was taking every blow.

I hated feeling like a prisoner in a place that used to be home. But really I knew the only reason I could hate him at such an extreme was that I loved him so deeply.

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Don’t Date Until You Find A Guy Who Actually Pursues You

“Wait for the person who pursues you, the one who will make an ordinary moment seem magical, the kind of person who brings out the best in you and makes you want to be a better person.”

Wanting the guy who makes an effort, the one who actually gives a shit about who you are is not a lot to ask for. Your heart’s gone through its share of heartache and disappointment. You know your worth and settling for the occasional booty call is no longer an option. You definitely deserve the guy who actually pursues you.

You want the chase, the excitement of someone putting in the effort.

You need someone to show you how much they care about getting to know you. You want the kind of love that sweeps you off your feet.

Pursuing a girl should be a must but it sadly gets swept under the rug by most guys.

It takes grit and a level of maturity to master the act of pursuing a girl the right way. Some guys, even if mature, are, for the most part, practical beings. They don’t really see the importance of making the extra effort to get the girl they like.

Not every guy out there is going to miss the mark when it comes to pursuing your heart.

It’s up to you to be picky with your heart. You should be patient and overall strong enough to set the bar high and wait for the guy who can measure up to your rightful love expectations.

Date the guy who will respect your vulnerability.

This guy will never use your vulnerability against you. Instead, he’ll appreciate you for everything that you are. Good or bad, he will celebrate the beauty in your imperfections.

Because he knows that he’s imperfect too and he’s not afraid to be vulnerable around you.

He’s confident about who he is and wants someone confident enough to measure up to his independence.

Wait for this guy, because he’ll respect your independence too and will take pride in pursuing you with all the romance and zero bullshit that you want and need.

He will make plans to get to know you instead of wait for you to do so.

This guy will take the time to get to know what you like and dislike and will be excited to surprise you with his initiative and creativity.

He will not be afraid to show you that he cares.

He is confident of who he is and what he wants and will go the extra mile to get what his heart desires.

He will chase you with excitement because he’s genuinely interested in you.

No games, no bs. He takes pride in his ability to pursue you like your heart rightfully deserves.

Because he’s in touch with his emotions and knows the importance of being open with you about what he feels.

He will compliment you but he will also let you know if something bothers him about you. This guy will see the value in you and will never let you feel less than.

He respects the process of getting to know someone special and what it takes to put in the effort to show you that he’s worthy of your heart.

You deserve to wait for the guy who wholeheartedly wants you and is not afraid to show it. Wait for this guy, because he’ll never get tired of letting you know how much he cares and how much you’re worth being loved.

This Is How She Wants To Be Loved, But Will Never Ask For

She wants to be loved in uncertainty. When it’s not easy. When you’re fighting and your eyes are reddened from emotion and frustration as you storm out the door. She wants to be loved in those moments of doubt when she’s driving you crazy. She wants to fall asleep, and wake up knowing that her heart is safe. She wants you to realize that she fights with you because she loves you because she is cut like a gem with many facets, she is a woman who won’t always be simple.

She wants to be loved through your actions. Not by saying ‘I love you.’

She wants to be loved when you’re not with her, especially then. When you’re at a bar and she’s far away, and another girl approaches you, this is when she wants you to love her. Because that’s the real love that’s dying – the romance of having patience, loyalty when things aren’t working at that moment, the romance of not having one eye wandering at the so-called ‘options,’ because you know that it’s all bullshit – that this ambiguous ‘more’ doesn’t even exist.

She doesn’t care about the grand gestures of love – she doesn’t need you to light a hundred candles, a five-star dinner or a romantic trip to Paris. Those things are nice, but this is not how you love her.

You love her by not breaking her trust, you love her by not seeking comfort or validation in the flirtation with another.

When she’s far away, when there’s doubt, this is when she wants you to love her the most.

She doesn’t want you to always agree with her. She wants you to understand her, but she wants to be challenged, pushed – to be better, to live better, to grow. She wants you to care so much that you won’t ever let her slack on her talents or not get everything she deserves.

She wants you to love her demons, the parts of her that can’t seem to love.

She wants you to see her at her worst, frustrating the shit out of you, and then think, ‘this is the only problem I want to have.’ She wants you to cup her face when she’s bare-faced, consumed with insecurity, palms sweating, scared to death to let you in, and look at her with such intimacy that it makes her believe in lasting relationships again. This is how she wants to be loved.

Even if she’s a million miles away, she wants you to still feel her touch, her lips on your skin, seeing her gaze, looking right through you, touching those vulnerable parts of you that you hate. This is how she wants to be loved, and if you can’t love her like that, if you can’t love her when she’s not there with as much certainty as you do when she’s next to you, she doesn’t want your love.

She wants to feel like dating her is not the end of your freedom, but the beginning of it.

She doesn’t want to feel like the person you’re settling with, but the person you’re taking off with – planning every adventure with, shutting down the club with, every crazy dream you plan for the future, she wants you to see her in it.

She wants to be the first person you rant excitedly to when your dreams come true, she wants you to see her next to you. And if you don’t see her there, she doesn’t want your love. Because this is how she wants to be loved, she wants to inspire you to get every single thing from this life that you want.

She doesn’t want your money. She doesn’t want the lavish gifts. She doesn’t want to hang out, ‘Netflix and Chill.’ Not all the time. She wants to play, she wants you to dive into life with her, but not because she’s right there, because it’s comfortable, easy, but because everything is brighter and better next to her than you ever thought it could be.

She wants to be the girl you fantasize about. The girl who makes your whole body excited with electricity.

She wants you to make love to her with such intimacy and passion that it makes her body tremble as chills run up her spine. When you look at her, she doesn’t just want you to see the woman that you want to grow old with, have kids with. She wants to be the reason you feel alive, the reason you love life.

This is how she wants to be loved, but will never ask for. And if you can’t love her like this, she doesn’t want your love at all.

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10 Signs You’re Dating The Man You’re Supposed To Marry, Not Just Date

When we’re out in the dating scene, we tend to say a lot of goodbyes to guys we thought we’d have a happily ever after with. But every once in a while, we meet someone we don’t have to say goodbye to.

1. He’s not hesitant about making plans.

A guy you date will hit you up once or twice and then never call you again. (Though he will text you saying “sup”? five months later thinking you’ll actually respond.)

But the man you marry isn’t that guy. The man you marry is firm with his intentions to see you tomorrow because he wants to turn that tomorrow into the rest of his life.

2. He immediately makes new plans if he can’t make it.

A guy you date has no problem canceling on you last minute. It’s not really a big deal for him. But the man you marry? No, he wouldn’t dare dream of it.

When he cancels, it’s ahead of time, with good reason. And if it ever comes down to that, he makes sure to make new plans, which you can bet your a** he’ll make it to.

3. He doesn’t have other women on dial.

A guy you just date has a hearty supply of other girls on his phone. The second you’re out of the picture, he’s always got his stash to fall back on. The man you marry, though, will put the rest aside for you. He’s putting all his eggs in one basket and knows it.

4. He means it when he holds the door open for you.

A guy you date will act chivalrous with the hope that he gets the gold at the end of the rainbow A.K.A. you in bed. But the guy you grow old with will continue to open doors for you, even when he’s holding a walking stick.

5. He’s not hot and cold.

The man you marry is like hot cocoa on a winter’s day – warm, delicious, and most of all, consistent. He’s a balance, not a blizzard.

6. He makes you want to live forever.

We all get down sometimes and fall into moments of darkness where we feel stuck. But the man you marry will pull you out of trenches and break the monotony of it all. He’ll reinvigorate you with the lust for life you knew you always had. And a guy you just date won’t do that.

7. He won’t get off until you get off.

Some guys think that good sex is equivalent to “lie down & c*m fast.”? But the guy you marry will make it a point to put you first in all aspects of the life, which includes the one in the bedroom.

8. He embraces commitment.

A guy you just date might be sweet and all, but when it comes down to bigger commitments, he’s suddenly squeamish. The guy you marry, though? No, the word girlfriend doesn’t scare him. Because what’s the word girlfriend when he’s got bigger things on his mind, like wifey?

9. He’s the good kinda crazy.

A man you date will show sides of his crazy that are destructive to your relationship. Or he’ll run away because he has “issues”? before he even makes the relationship official, which really means he’s batsh*t.

But the man you marry will be the right kinda crazy that complements your crazy. Your levels of weird are soulmates, just as much as you guys are.

10. He wants the same things you want.

Not all guys we date are assholes. Sometimes things just can’t progress because the two of you have different outlooks on life or you want different things.

Whether it’s kids, where you want to live, or how you want to live, the man you marry will want the same as you so that you can start building the lives you’ve both dreamed of.

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You Have To Choose Me Everyday (Or Leave Me)

A female perspective of “Choose Her Everyday (Or Leave Her),” by Bryan Reeves:

I spent two years getting badly hurt by a guy who stayed with me but never fully chose me.

He did want to be with me. He wanted to choose me. Falling in love is not a choice – choosing them every day once you do it. But falling in love is an instant connection, it’s unexpected – I met him and we just talked and I noticed the way his lips curved when he smiled and the color of his eyes and all at once I knew I was either lucky or screwed. Two eyes and a heartbeat. That’s all it took.

Unfortunately, as happens often with young love, our ignorance of how to truly love quickly created chaos in our relationship. I could see in his eyes that he would sometimes wonder if there was another woman out there who was easier to love, and who could love him better.

As the months passed and that thought played more and more through his head, he started to appreciate me and less and less. Eventually, he stopped choosing me – and we both suffered. Love never dies a natural death. Love requires you to choose the person you fell in love with, again and again, choose to make an effort for them. And he just didn’t. Not enough.

He stayed with me. He just stopped choosing me. That killed me inside.

Choosing me would have meant focusing every day on the things I was bringing into his life that changed him. Realizing that I fought with him at inopportune times because my anger was fueled by my passion and emotions for him. I cared. I loved him. I loved all of him. We didn’t just hang out. We played. We were silly and ridiculous and alive.

I was the only one who could challenge him – make him better, I couldn’t stop loving him no matter what he did. I was the only person who he ever fully gave himself to – I wiped his tears as he spoke about his dad, whispering in his ear that everything will be okay.

To be fair, towards the end of our relationship, I didn’t fully choose him, either. I was rage-fueled, vindictive, I often hurled awful insults at him – like fireworks our chemistry combusted, leaving us burned and confused.

But only after did he realize that I was that angry because I didn’t feel safe with him. I wanted him to wake up and realize that I was worth fighting for. That these so-called ‘options’ were nothing more than an illusion, that it was all bullshit – just his ego talking. That someone might be easier to love – but it would never satisfy him. Because what we had wasn’t easy – it was extraordinary. And I knew how rare that was.

Sadly, he didn’t understand this at the moment – he only realized it when it was too late. He was too focused on my anger, insecurities, demands, and other aspects of my strong personality that wore him down. I could feel him not choosing me, so it brought out the worst in me. Eventually, my biggest fear came true – he abandoned me, sabotaging our relationship, shattering my heart.

I’ll never be with someone who doesn’t choose me again.

If you’re in a relationship, I urge you to ask yourself this question:

“Is my partner choosing me today?”

Are they appreciating you, making an effort for you? Because love is not enough. Staying with someone is not enough. They have to choose you.

And you can’t make someone choose you, you are only responsible for yourself. If the person you’re with doesn’t understand that a true connection is once in a lifetime, that it means something, that you have to fight for it, let them go. Because you never ever have to convince someone to do the work to be ready.

If they have one foot out the door, unable to see what is right in front of them if they think easiness is good, that there’s something better, that the more chances they have, the better, let them go.

Because only an extraordinary person can appreciate and choose the extraordinary. Make room for that person, the person who deserves all of your magic, the person who will eagerly choose you every day.

105 Sweet Love Notes For My Person

Love Notes … for you

Write Them Down

Push aside the chocolates and the cookie cutter gifts you’re used to buying and telling them in an old-fashioned note how much they mean to you.

It’s something that won’t expire and they’ll be able to hold onto whenever they’re feeling sentimental and want a nice reminder of how much you care.

1. You’re the only one I want to be around when I’ve had a bad day because you always make me smile.

2. I love you more than I love chocolate and that’s A LOT.

3. I’d share my pizza with you anytime.

4. I love you even when you leave your shoes everywhere and I almost fall to my death.

5. When you get out of the shower you smell amazing, it’s a mix of clean and of you.

6. The smell of your cologne makes me dizzy but in a good way.

7. Your hand is the only one that fits perfectly around mine.

8. Home for me isn’t four walls and a roof, it’s two arms and a heartbeat.

9. I love that I can call you whenever and you don’t miss a chance to pick up.

10. It would be terribly wrong to let the day end without telling you how important you are to me.

11. Love the fact that even though you hate taking photos if I ask you’ll take one with me.

12. And you never care if I go into your closet and steal a sweatshirt, knowing that I don’t plan on returning it.

13. Every moment we’re apart I’m impatiently waiting for the next when we’re together.

14. You are my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.

15. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me.

16. I love you more because you love me when I can’t love myself.

17. I never understood why girls talk about butterflies until you came along.

18. You make me smile for no reason, just one look and I look like a smiling idiot.

19. Don’t think you can use this to your advantage but you’re the only guy I’d make a sandwich for.

20. It just wasn’t your looks that won me over, those were a wonderful perk but I fell for your personality.

21. You love me when I least deserve it and I never realized that is when I most need it.

22. If you let me even though I couldn’t be your first I’ll be your last everything.

23. You’re my favorite, favorite what you may ask, my favorite everything.

24. When nothing seems to be going your way know that I am always by your side.

25. I think our relationship is best when neither of us are wearing pants.

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To The Next Guy Who’s Willing To Brave My Storm

“Storms never last do they baby, bad times all pass with the wind, your hand in mine stills the thunder and you make the sun want to shine.”

First off I can’t promise you that the journey you’re about to embark on is going to be easy, but I can promise it’ll be worth it.

“Nothing that’s worth while is ever easy. Remember that.” -Nicholas Sparks

I don’t know when I’ll meet you, though I can tell you I’m looking forward to it. Don’t be alarmed if I seem guarded and uninterested, I’m just tired of dealing with guys who can’t handle the love that I have to offer.

I’ve been introduced to all the wrong guys, the ones who let you fall with no intention of catching you or worse the ones who prove that it’s hard to find someone that’s willing to be loyal to just you. From a young age, I’ve known guys that have abused, used and played with my emotions.

I need to tell you a few things before you jump in the head on. If you invest your time in me, I’m going to invest mine in you.

I’m going to love you with everything I know, and I’m not going to half-ass it either.

My walls are built high, with a moat around it. It’s unfair to you that I automatically judge you to be just like the people of my past, but it’s to protect my heart that so easily clutches onto the idea of love.

I’m the girl who loves with every fiber in me and I do it the right way. A lot of guys don’t know how to handle or accept the kind of love I have to offer.

My heart has been broken in the past but it doesn’t mean the right person can’t help mend it. I’m braver because of the heartache, because not only am I willing to take chances on people, I’m willing to give someone else the chance to get the love I think they deserve.

Finding someone who can love me the way I can love them is something I’m looking for and I’m willing to work for the relationship that not only I deserve but that you deserve as well. It’s a partnership, I’m looking to grow and enjoy life’s adventures with. It’s a chance that is terrifying because I could end up heartbroken again but I’m willing to try and fight for love.

I’ll let you in on my past because for us to have a future we’ll need to start at the beginning. I’ll reopen the wounds and the pain because I trust you.

“Everyone has a past, but that’s just it. It’s in the past. You can learn from it but you can’t change it.” -Nicholas Sparks

I’ll take you on the good days and the bad. When you’re ready to tell me about your demons, I’ll face them head on with you. I’ll never be quick to judge because I know how it feels and if your past troubles you, I’ll work to help make it a little less troubling.

Our generation has lost sight on love and romance, but I can tell you I’m not that girl. I’m a hopeless romantic that’ll remind you daily that you’re important to me, even in the smallest gestures.

As I’m asking you to not take my heart for granted, I promise to never do the same to yours. This isn’t a game of who can break whose heart first and if you open yourself up to me I promise to cherish everything you share and the memories that we make.

I’m asking you to be patient with me. It’s not going to be an easy task for me opening up to you right away. If you put in the work and the effort, I promise my heart will show you the loyalty you deserve. Once I love you, I’ll love you in ways you never thought imaginable.

All the reasons your past relationships didn’t work out won’t matter to you anymore; I’ll show you what was wrong with those girls and raise your standards to what a real relationship should be like.

I’ll love you with my whole heart because that’s all I know how to do.

I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands. To speak when words are need and to share in silence when they are not. To live with in the warmth of your heart and always call it home. –The Vow

This Is My Life After I Said Goodbye To You

I wasn’t weak or foolish for loving him. I knew there were more downs than there were ups. I was strong enough to continue to fight for it, but I was smart enough to stop.

I needed it to end before the memory of them was forever tainted. When you have a love this rare -it’s often hard to survive and even harder to create again.

I tried my hardest for this to end without our remaining love dying from the toxic shock of it all.

I understood my part in this, I even accepted most of the blame. He wasn’t toxic, I wasn’t either and our relationship didn’t start as such. It grew inside their love and latched onto every part of our souls until we became toxic for each other. It was fatal, and we knew that but I continued to be our life support until the very end.

Without each other, we were just functioning, but together we were alive.

It wasn’t self-destruction and I wasn’t addicted to him like a drug. In it’s simplest form it was us trying to find our way back to each other because when the love was there we were truly alive. We ignored the toxic bullshit because we focused on the hope that our future could be like their past.

But as time went on I could feel his hope for us dwindle and so I did what I could to make it easy for him to leave. He said goodbye and I cut myself out of his life because while I never thought I’d be able to move on, I wanted to give him the chance to.

Every late night call, every midday “just because” text and story to share – I fought the urge to contact him.

I fought every day to make it easier for him, I couldn’t be remembered as that girl who just couldn’t let go. But then the inevitable happened and I finally felt it all…and all at once.

He moved on and did nothing to consider my feelings.

And it was in that moment, I realized I was still living my life for him- thinking of his needs even when I wasn’t any longer what he wanted- and so I said goodbye.

I stopped being numb to his pain. I felt the emotions until they broke my heart over and over again. I replayed the memories and what-ifs until I realized I was still drowning in our toxic relationship but no one else was there to save me.

Now I killed every part of it – the good, the bad, the ugly and moved on.

You Let Her Think You Both Were On The Same Page

Love is hard. You can fall in love a million and one times, and for a million and one different reasons but no matter what, love only works once. It’s when you find your person that everything falls into place because when that happens, you can make it through anything together.

She thought you were her person because when she looked at you she could see her future when you hugged her she felt at home, and when you kissed her she felt what she’d been missing out with everyone else…she felt loved.

She was so willing to bet on you that she just dove head first into this. She gave you her heart without skipping a beat. She let go of any doubt and just simply let every ounce of her fall into you.

Because when it’s love and you’re so sure it’s the real deal, you don’t act logically and calculate every move. It’s not supposed to make sense, it’s just supposed to work as if it was always meant to be.

So when she thought you were it, she was sure you would catch her, and everything would fall into place. But it didn’t.

You didn’t catch her and nothing fell into place…it just fell apart faster than she could prepare herself for.

It’s a painful break to the heart to realize someone would rather watch you fall than catch you. It’s hard to swallow that rejection especially when you’ll never know why they didn’t want to commit to a love this big.

But for her, she could live with knowing you’d rather walk away than give this a real try. She could accept that you were a coward that couldn’t man up and handle this in a less devastating way.

What she couldn’t handle was the fact that she so strongly believed you were it, that you shared the same love and were on the same page. But, you were never committed to this.

She gave you all of her and only ever asked for the true, authentic you in return. Instead, you fed her with shallow gestures of a love from a perfect man, who’d rather pull on her heartstrings than have her heart.

Playing games, and only halfway committing to love is never going to work. It’s never going to be enough for a person who deserves more and knows what real love could be.

And she may have been a temporary game to you, but she knows she’ll be a forever love for someone else. It may have taken some time but she now sees you were just one of the millions and not the one in a million.

Things You Should Know Before Dating The Girl Who Worries A Lot

Anxiety is a problem that everyone has to deal with from time to time, but some people suffer from it way more frequently. It can affect people to varying degrees, often in the form of a person who would describe themselves as a worrywart, someone who’s fretting about stuff all the time.

But just because a girl worries all the time doesn’t mean she’s not worth dating. You just need to be aware of some of these things first.

1. Telling her to stop worrying just isn’t going to cut it.

Sometimes it just slips out when you think you’re saying something helpful, but a person who is worrisome can’t simply stop.

2. Sometimes she’ll just need you to be there and listen.

Even if you can’t solve any of her problems, even if she’s you keep offering the same comfort over and over again, that’s okay. She just needs you to be there.

3. She knows that often her anxiety is irrational.

Anxious people know better than most that their worrying and freaking out is pointless in the long run. That doesn’t make it any easier to stop, so you don’t need to tell her that.

4. She might get overwhelmed and cry. Frequently.

It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong, so don’t take it personally.

5. She’s just as frustrated about it as you are. Probably more.

Patience is key. If you show that you’re exasperated with her, it’ll just make her even more anxious.

6. She has probably worried about every aspect of your relationship at length.

Worrisome people are great at getting inside their own head, to a fault, actually. Most likely they’ve thought about every possible twist and turn your lives might take and worried over them each in turn.

7. She will appreciate your compassion more than she can even say.

Being there for her will take some patience and empathy on your part, but she’ll pay it back tenfold and love you that much more for it.