The Biggest Lessons You Learn Being Raised By A Single Mom

Growing up, things were never easy. Our household consisted of coupon cutting, sporadic family time, and a lot of rushed meals. My mother worked full-time, 6-days a week, and my sisters and I were all at different stages of our life, academically and socially. We were a tight-knit gang of 4—supporting each other every step of the way, but I’d be lying if I said things were easy.

There were times where I answered the phone and the bank was calling about money owed, times when I needed money for a school trip and the funds just weren’t there, times when I woke up in the middle of the night and heard my mom crying, quietly in her room. There were memories that I look back on and wonder if there were things I could have changed. But, there are traits and lessons I have learned, throughout the years, that made me realize that growing up with a single mother was the biggest blessing I could have been given.

 

How to manage my money.

My mother worked very hard to make sure that my sisters and I had everything we needed. But, working on a single income in New York City with three kids is not easy. In fact, my mom had to budget the sh*t out of her paycheck every single month to make sure she had enough to cover rent, food, electric, clothes, extracurricular funds, etc. Everyone in my family laughs and calls my mom the “bargain hunter,” but, she’s taught me the value of always looking for a less-expensive route in all that I do. Now, as an adult who has moved out on my own, I’m always looking for sales, looking at circular fliers, and trying to get everything for the lowest price possible. In the end, it only pays off—literally.

 

 

15 Things Dads Do to Make Their Little Girls Happy

The bond between a father and a daughter is a special one. Little girls are princesses in their father’s eyes and are always treated as such. More often than not, a dad will do anything to make his little princess happy. Even if he doesn’t admit to it.

1.  Play dress up

2.  Let her do his hair/make-up/nails

3.  Have tea parties

4.  Watch girly shows/movies

5.  Go to father-daughter dances

6.  Have daddy-daughter dates

7.  Take cheesy pictures

8.  Let her play video games with him

9.  Go shopping at the mall

10.  Buy special toys

11.  Learn all the words to her favorite songs

12.  Play at the park

13.  Learn how to style her hair

14.  Buy/Make her favorite foods

15.  Have dance parties

At the end of the day, he knows that she will always be his little girl. But he will still do anything and everything he can to make her happy and see her smile. And that makes all the difference in her world.

No Parents, No Joke: Why ‘Daddy Issues’ Aren’t Funny

We’re a part of a generation who is heavy set on the “blame-game.” We have become dependent on placing negative attention elsewhere. For example, a student fails a test? Obviously, it’s the teacher’s fault. Did you cheat on your ex? She made you mad and you were vulnerable that night. A girl who sleeps around? Apparently, she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. (Chill. Maybe she just enjoys sex. Guys don’t get questioned about it, so why should she?)

But there’s one comment that tags along with this and it never fails to make my blood boil – this is what happens when your dad doesn’t love you. I see picture after picture of young girls doing promiscuous things and the captions are always something along the lines of when your dad doesn’t love you enough, or thank you to all the dead-beat dads. Since when was this a matter worth joking about? Lacking sufficient parental guidance is funny nowadays?

There is an abundance of statistics involving the long-term effects that paternal neglect could have on a child, specifically in this case, a daughter. Father involvement provides females with positive male/female relationships and increased self-respect. One study done on women in their early 20’s shows that “participants expressed difficulties forming healthy relationships with men and they associated these difficulties with their experiences of father absence,” while another study shows that a girl who portrays a higher involvement with her father is less likely to partake in sexual activities before the age of 16.

We need to realize that paternal issues affect men just as much as they affect women. Jokes are always promoting the sexualizing of girls with “daddy issues,” but we neglect to realize that boys without father figures are just as likely to develop certain issues; socially, behaviorally, and emotionally. According to a survey reported by the U.S Census Bureau, “24 million children in America – one out of every three – live in biological father-absent homes.” 1/3 of children grow up without a father. One in three. This DOES NOT exclude boys. Boys with non-active/abusive fathers grow to be more hostile, and more prone to juvenile incarceration. But you don’t see anyone looking at an incarcerated teenager and think “thank god for the dead-beat dads,” do you? No. Because it doesn’t get you laid. And if it gets you laid, I guess it’s okay to joke about.

It’s sad how little we try to sympathize, and how quickly we joke about something that affects people’s lives forever. “Daddy issues” are serious and should never be the joke of slut-shaming. Why, do you ask? Let me explain.

Number 1 – Just because someone is sexually active doesn’t mean she has parental problems underlying her free choice to accept and explore the intimate side of her humanity.

Number 2 – If someone DOES have parental problems, why do we feel the need to judge? I’m sure none of us would want memes portraying our personal problems.

Number 3 – Try to imagine yourself attempting to fill a void, and wind up being the brunt of a joke that took over the generation. It’s not that funny anymore, is it?

Let’s get serious – there’s nothing funny about a broken home. I’m sure this era can survive with some other form of ill-mannered humor. It’s time to put the insensitivity behind us.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

To The Fearless Girls Who Had The Strength To Break-Up With Their Toxic Dad

A Fearless Girl And Her Toxic Dad

Dads…Who needs them? All girls do but unfortunately, yours didn’t fit the bill as ‘world’s best dad’ and you had no choice but to gather up your ‘daddy’s little princess’ dreams and kicked the toxic bastard to the curb.

It hurt, stung and burned your soul, but you must trust that it’s the best decision you ever made and that you’re going to kick ass at living  life without your dad.

Whether it was because of emotional or physical abuse, the dude failed at his fundamental job to unconditionally love, protect and nurture you.

 

It must be clear that his toxic lack of effort and ability to love is not your fault. It doesn’t have to define you or haunt and shape your capacity to love and receive love.

Your resilient heart has come this far, you made the conscious choice to separate yourself from his toxic influence, and that along has already set you up for a better mañana.

Yes, it’s a great loss, probably one of the hardest break-ups you have to endure, but it has also shown your inner strength and the power you have to fight for the love that you warrant. Cheer up, you’re a self-made badass!

 

To My Father Who Wasn’t Man Enough to Stick Around

It’s been so long since you abandoned me, Dad, but people still ask about you. Most want to know how I’m doing without you, but sometimes they’ll ask how you are and I’m forced to admit I have no idea.

I don’t get too upset by the questions. But even if I refused to speak about you for the rest of my life, I’ll never be able to forget the morning you left.

I woke up and my whole world was gone.

At first, I actually thought you were dead. Weird, right? What kind of father leaves their child wondering that?

And even with all of that, I don’t hate you. You are my dad. Even if that’s the only “are” we have left.

Maybe it’s because you were a great dad. Growing up, you were my superhero and my teddy bear, always there to fight off my bad dreams.

You were my pillow when my heart was broken, my motivator when school got hard, and the one who kept me going.

You were my heart, my happiness, my absolute everything. I hope you feel the emotions behind these words because you genuinely hurt me.

Because other people don’t ever get it. They say I should be happy that you weren’t a deadbeat my whole life. And, I am thankful for the times when we were close, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ache over you every day.

I wish I could forget the day you chose to leave, but it’s burned into my memory. My life has never been the same.

I try to stay positive. I don’t want to be bitter, but it’s so damn hard.

Why did you break my heart? There was no logical reason. Many parents don’t live with their children, some get divorced and remarried but they still stay in contact. Why did you have to just abandon me?

Something in you changed and took my Dad away. Maybe it was unresolved pain or depression. Maybe it was pure selfishness. Whatever the culprit, I hope you overcome it someday.

I hope I’ll be able to understand one day, mostly for my own sake but also for yours.

Yes, sometimes I scream that I hate you and will never be okay, but I know I will be. I don’t really hate you. You’ve done something I don’t think I will ever forgive, but I’ll always love the person you used to be.

I hope you find happiness because I don’t hate you. Our relationship is marked by things you used to be, but you are always going to be my dad, that will never change.

Next time I see you, I hope I see something different in you, a smile or some confidence. Something I can’t see now. And if I don’t ever see you again, I hope you love your new life, Dad.

Because I am your daughter and I will never stop loving you. Even if you stopped loving me.

To My Above and Beyond Mom, I’ll Be Lucky If I’m Half the Woman You Are

My mom is above and beyond.

The way I see it, moms have 3 main jobs. First, literally bringing new life into this world, second, loving their children unconditionally, and third, becoming their child’s best friend.

While every mom completes their first task, and we hope the second as well, making it to the last one isn’t as common. For myself and the others, whose mothers fulfilled all three duties, we know how lucky we are

And from our hearts to those of our moms, we thank you.

While you say that I’m your greatest gift, I know that I’m the one who’s blessed. You have one of the most beautiful souls I have ever seen in a person. No matter how much I may have been through, I know you have been through countless more trials and tribulations than I can even bear to imagine. You’ve shown me what true strength looks like.

When I try to list all the things you’ve done for me, I lose count after the 963726th one.

Growing into my own skin can seem impossibly difficult sometimes, but you’ve shown me how to love the person I am, especially when I doubt myself. You’re always there for me whenever I need you, no matter the hour of the day. You were there when I needed a shoulder to cry on, a sounding board for advice, a personal shopper, and a chef when I was hungry.

From day one, I wanted to be just like you.

A Thank You To My Mom, Everything I Am Is Because of You

From the moment I entered this world, my mom has had my back. She is my absolute everything.

She is the first one I call when something goes wrong and the first one I call when something incredible happens.

She was there when I was a rebellious teen and pushed her away and is still here now that I’m twenty-something and call her thirteen times a day. And to my mom, how can I say thank you to my mom enough?

I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better woman to be my mother. She is my teacher, my comforter, my home, my best friend. She has never steered me wrong.

She has stood by me through stupid boys, late night study sessions, random phone calls asking what setting the washing machine should be on because I’d never lived away from her before.

Through every smile and every stress-induced, tear-filled, crazy moment, she’s been there.

She knows exactly how I think and how deeply I feel things, and, most importantly, she knows I don’t mean the things I say when I’m hangry.

Without a doubt, she is my rock and will forever be my best friend. I would be lost in this world without this beautiful angel I was assigned.

She carries me when I am weak, picks me up when I fail, and rejoices with me when I succeed.

She has taught me that it’s okay to make mistakes and that my ponytails don’t have to be bump-free. She has taught me how to love but also how to stand up for myself.

Everything that I am and hope to be I owe to my mother. I wouldn’t be half of what I am today if not for her guidance, love, and support.

I could write pages about her forgiveness, kindness, strength, unconditional love… But no amount of words could ever express how grateful I am to have her in my life or just how much I love her.

For more from RC, visit her writer’s page here. 

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