14 Signs He’s 100% Douchebag

Douchebag Math Time

Take a deep breath and add up all that apply. Go!

10% – His friends don’t have a fucking clue of who you are and to top it off, he avoids at all costs to meet yours.

5% – He flirts with your friends or any girl when “you’re not looking”. Add an additional 5% for underestimating your intelligence.

5% – You’ve gone on a few dates when you suddenly find out that he’s got a serious girlfriend. But according to his logic, he’s done nothing wrong because… “You never asked if I had a girlfriend”

5 % – His ‘phone use’ is highly questionable and at times borders on inappropriate. He can’t, for his life, be a nice guy and instead has a roster of girls he’s in constant communication with depending on his ego level any given day.

10% – He refers to other girls he’s been with as; the psycho, the stalker, the crazy bitch, the obsessed, the fucking ex…But when you do the math: excessive ego + a dose of bullshit = he’s obviously the one with serious morality issues.

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I Found Out You Really Were Just A Douchebag In Disguise

We’re just going to dedicate and or direct this to all the douchebags out there. The guys that are really good at playing the nice guy card and fooling girls into thinking they’ve found a diamond in the rough. When really it just turns out you’re fantastic at pretending. You’re really just a douche.

I’m going to mark this one down as another lesson learned.

A really unfair and crappy lesson to learn by the way. You’ve taught me what to look for though, in regards to the traits and types of men I need to steer clear of.

You opened up and let me in, briefly, and I trusted you.

I share things with you I didn’t share with many people because I thought you were different. Ha, I guess the real joke was and is on me. You wanted me when it was convenient for you, which is a dickish move.

I thought maybe things could change, we could do it your way for a while and something would click inside that skull of yours.

I believed that somewhere inside of you hiding was this romantic version of you that would come out and re-sweep me off my feet. That would stop feeding me these “I’m better off single” lines or “I can’t give you what you want” crap.

I made countless excuses for you and your behavior towards me to my friends.

They told me what you were doing wasn’t fair to me and that I should tell you to screw off, to stop toying with my emotions. They could see that I deserve better.

You know what? They’re absolutely 100% correct.

I do deserve better.

You let me feel bad for caring. Who does that? I apologized for worrying about you. You made me feel bad about sharing my emotions with you. I felt needy and burdensome. I allowed you to made me think I wasn’t going to be anything more than a girl you just sleep with and leave the next day.

However, the only person I should really be apologizing to is myself. I should apologize to my heart for letting it get pulled through the ringer again, for letting it go on for so long and for allowing me to think that there was something wrong with me. It made me feel undesirable and unlovable.

I’d tell my friends they’re right and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to them sooner because I know they were just trying to save me some tears and heartbreak.

I don’t regret you. We had some great times together.

I, however, know that I’m coming out on top in this situation, so the jokes on you. I’m a stronger woman for what has transpired between us.

There’s this moment that kind of clicks when you realize you’re not crazy or in the wrong for wanting more from the person whom you’re romantically involved with.

It may have taken me longer to get there but it’s okay cause I’m there now.

You see, I can look at my reflection in the mirror and I see a beautiful, intelligent, funny, sarcastic, kick-ass woman who is going to do great things. More importantly, I see a girl who doesn’t need you. I wonder what you see when you look at yourself in the mirror. I’m pretty sure you’re so far into the charades that the real you is lost.

The difference now is that I see through all that bs and I’m no longer fooled.

There may be a time when you’ll miss me, some sort of light bulb will click but don’t worry I’ll be okay. I learned from the best on how to focus on what’s best for you. So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

So thanks for the tips.

The girl who sees right through you and is no longer impressed.

To see more of Audi’s work check out her facebook page.

To the Girl Who is Still Falling for Manipulative Douchelords

This is in no way based on the author.

The first meeting was electric, his confidence startled you and for once, the conversation was actually engaging. From experience, you know to tread with caution and listen for a while before passing further judgment.

However, you are just a human and you’ve been waiting to feel like this for a long time.

So, you let into the blissful sensation of being so enchanted by another person. Letting go of your fears, you jump in, right there, present and vulnerable. He says all the things you want to hear:

“You have no idea how long I have been waiting for you.”

“All the other girls have been so boring compared to you.”

“I am not usually this honest.”

“Stop talking, you are making me want to marry you.”

I won’t continue here. I am sure you have your own colorful list.

The rest of the night is a blurry dance of skinny dipping, drinks, him feeding you chips in bed, and some of the best sex you’ve had in a while. Every inch of you is excited to have experienced such magic. There is so much to explore. Last night, you were making plans for all the cool things you will do together. “You are like me,” he said, “and yet so different. We can teach each other so many things.”

Yes… many things.

He taught me this: stay the hell away.

How does the story continue?

Of course, the next morning. He doesn’t even wake up to have breakfast together, let alone walk you out the front door. I’m not even sure he managed a “have a good day.” It’s like Aladdin takes you on the magic carpet ride and the next morning is like… “Who are you again?”

“Last night you were singing my name, dammit!”

What I don’t understand is why I need to learn these lessons over and again.

I thought I had gotten good at telling these bad apples apart. Apparently, I had to go through the class again. The next day, I was told that I was “too intense” and that “we should be friends.” Of course, he won’t be your friend. And if you try and hang around, he will be the worst friend you’ve ever had.

My only pointer here is: check that you are falling in love with someone who already loves themself.

Because there is no amount of love and recognition you can pour into someone to make them see clearly. They know how to go through the motions very well; they can create the illusion of what love should look like. But as soon as they come close to feeling it, they run away.

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