Let’s just take a minute and reflect on 2022, the year I truly did not want to end.
This has been one hell of a year, the year I have dreamt about since I was a little girl. This year not only did I buy my first home, but I bought my first home with the love of my life. We finally have a place to call our own and a place to make so many memories to come. Not only did we go in on buying a house together but this was also the year that the man of my dreams asked me to marry him. Not only did he ask me to marry him but he took me to my favorite place and asked me to marry him in front of all my friends and family, on the ocean with a ring fit for a princess.
I didn’t think this year could get much better, that was until I found out I was pregnant in October! I have always wanted to be a mom, ever since I was a little girl. That was my dream. I had the best mom growing up, and I’m lucky enough to say that I still do have the best mom. I have always wanted to be just like her and my dream was finally coming true! Not only did I find out I was going to have a baby but I was going to have a daughter!
A little girl, a little mini me!
I honestly can’t tell you how many times I have cried this year, I promise they were all good tears…. I am so beyond blessed to have the year I did, this past year! I am so excited to see what 2023 has in store for me and, for my growing little family but I really loved 2022 and truly did not want it to end.
I am truly adulting and it is the weirdest thing ever.
Recently my fiance and I bought our first home together. Which is honestly a huge step for any couple…We officially have a mortgage, and homeowners insurance and we are choosing to spend the next 30 some-on years together. We both have “real” jobs, “fur babies” and planning a future together…
This is all so shocking to me because if you were to tell me two years ago that I would be with the love of my life, engaged and owning my own home as well as, being on a completely different career path… I don’t think I would have believed you.
You see, two years ago I was out partying and living life completely carefree. Now… no longer are nights of going out to random parties at midnight, drinking god knows what until god knows when. No longer are toxic friendships bringing me down and FINALLY… No more toxic relationships with different f*** boys, who had completely damaged my mental and emotional health.
Finally, I have found myself and I am the happiest I have ever been. I have grown into the person younger me would be so damn proud of.
What happens when you finally stop caring what others think and start living your life for yourself is weird.
I won’t sit here and say it was easy, hell, it was the hardest thing I have done. I let go of old friends I thought of as sisters, girls I talked to sometimes even more than my actual sister… When you spend so much time with people and then they are suddenly no longer there, it’s hard… but I knew it was for the best.
It was a very, very dark time…
Even though that time was hell, that’s when I found myself. Like the real me, not a form of me that was trying to make everyone happy, but me. I had a different glow to me if you will. It was noticeable and everyone was commenting on it. During this time I found someone who made me truly and genuinely happy. He made all of the heartaches I had been through worth it, from the first date I knew he would be the one, and look where we are now. A new house, two fur babies, and, an engagement ring later… We are doing the damn thing.
Like every chapter in life, it has its ups and downs, but the “ups” and the good times completely weigh down the downs. I don’t know where I would be if I was still the person I was back then.
I don’t think about it much. I don’t want to think about it, because none of it matters anymore.
To the girl who is too afraid to let go of the past… do it! I promise it will be the biggest weight off of your chest. Take a moment, take a deep breath, get up and just do the damn thing!
Engagement rings are a symbol of a promise to get married; they represent the union between two people who plan to stay together, through thick and thin, until death, or at least until divorce. The ring itself is important to some people, but not so much to others. Some people can afford to drop a substantial amount of money on an engagement ring, while others can’t or just don’t want to, because they’d rather use the money for something else, like the wedding rings, the wedding, the honeymoon, or any number of other expenses. After all, a diamond is just a thing. It’s a pretty thing, but it’s still just a thing.
Ariel Desiree McRae of Nashville, TN, wasn’t especially concerned with what kind of engagement ring her guy bought her, she was just thrilled to be getting married to him. In a lengthy post on Facebook’s Love What Matters, she wrote about how happy she was when she and her fiance went to Pandora to buy the ring. Unfortunately, a rude and shallow salesperson at the store almost ruined the experience for them when she called the ring they were about to buy “pathetic.”
“My husband doesn’t have a lot, neither of us do. We scrape and scrape to pay bills and put food in our bellies, but after almost 2 years of dating we decided that we couldn’t wait anymore, so we didn’t.
I wasn’t even thinking about rings, I just wanted to marry my best friend, but he wouldn’t have it. He scraped up just enough money to buy me two matching rings from Pandora. Sterling silver and CZ to be exact. That’s what sits on my ring finger, and I am so in love with them.
While we were purchasing my rings however, another lady that was working there came over to help the lady selling them to us. She said, ‘Y’all can you believe that some men get these as engagement rings? How pathetic.’ When she said that I watched my now husband’s face fall. He already felt bad because he couldn’t afford the pear-shaped set that so obviously had my heart and covered my Pinterest page. He already felt like a failure, asking me again and again ‘Are you sure you’ll be happy with these? Are you sure this is okay?’ He was so upset at the idea of not making me happy enough and of me not wanting to marry him because my rings didn’t cost enough money or weren’t flashy enough.
Old Ariel would have ripped that woman a new one. Mature Ariel said, ‘It isn’t the ring that matters, it is the love that goes into buying one that is.’ We bought the rings and left.
Y’all I would have gotten married to this man if it had been a 25¢ gum ball machine ring. When did our nation fall so far to think the only way a man can truly love a woman is if he buys her $3,000+ jewelry and makes a public decree of his affection with said flashy ring? Sure they are nice, sure the sentiment is wonderful and I’m not trying to cut down any of your experiences, but when did it come to all that? Why do material possessions equate love??
My husband was so afraid of me not wanting him because he couldn’t afford a piece of jewelry. He was afraid that the love I have for him would pale because he couldn’t afford the wedding set I wanted. The world has made it this way and it is so sad. Ultimately we couldn’t wait any longer.. so we eloped. I’ve never been this happy in my life and I couldn’t imagine spending it with anyone else ever. Here I am, Court-House married, $130 ring set, the love of my life by my side and happier than I could ever imagine.”
“This post keeps growing much to my surprise, and I’ve been asked a thousand times how we met. So here is the short version! My husband and I met online at the age of 20, talked on the phone (and I mean actually talked not text) for 6+ hours a day for two days. He then drove an hour out of his way to take me on a date. I wore a tacky Christmas sweater (if you think I am lying, ask him) We ate wings, had a burping contest, and drove around listening to music and singing. I fell in love with him on the first date.”
People on Facebook really loved the post and many responded with stories (and pictures!) of their own.
Awww, that is just so much love!
McRae also spoke to Today and said that she was “blown away and inspired” by all the attention her post received. “I’ve received so many messages from people telling me that I gave them the courage to finally propose or get married, even if they couldn’t afford a ring. It’s been overwhelming and emotional that I’ve been able to help other people.”
“People shouldn’t have to go into debt for love. It’s the love that’s important. You can get married without rings. Its just material,” she added.
Looking at the couples above–3/4 of them got out of rather serious relationships not long before jumping into their new ones (and getting engaged). All across social media, people have been buzzing about how moving on too fast can be toxic for you and your new partner. And, it really can be. So how do we know how much time we need before starting something new with someone else? Here are the universal signs that it’s too soon to move on.
9. You still think about your ex throughout the day.
When you break up with someone, it’s only natural that you’re going to think about “what went wrong.” If you’re dating someone new and you’re still focused on your ex and your past relationship, it’s completely too soon to be dating someone new. Not only is it unfair to yourself, it’s unfair to your new partner. According to Dr. Suzanne Degges-White,
“If you’re already wondering if you’re mentioning your breakup or your ex too often, there’s a good chance you’re doing just that. If you spend time focusing on how the other relationship ended or how wronged you felt, you’re setting up a wall around yourself.”
8. You spend way too much time with your new partner.
“You’re together all the time, in person or texting. It’s exciting when you find someone you like, but pacing things is very important so that you don’t get hurt if things don’t work out.”
7. You haven’t given yourself a chance to feel the break-up pain.
Grieving is how you gradually let go of what might have been, and adjust to what is. And over time, your outlook will naturally shift from “I must demonstrate I am a worthy mate for her/him” to “I can reclaim my own sense of worth.” Grieving is what sets you free from the pit of despair.
“[Be careful if] you are stilling hoping your ex will notice you or change their mind. If part of the intention in this new relationship has anything to do with your ex you are rushing into a new relationship. You deserve a relationship that’s about you, and the bond you share with someone, not a ghost from your past. Give yourself some time to grieve for your breakup, and you’ll be ready to date again, for the right reasons, soon.”
5. You compare your new partner to your ex a lot.
Experts say that it’s natural to compare our new partner to our ex, but when we do it too often, it’s a sign that we aren’t totally over our previous relationship. While it’s normal for people to compare the past and the present, it’s a red flag when your new partner doesn’t completely match up to your ex. Susan Pease Gadoua L.C.S.W. says one of the signs you’ve moved on too fast from your failed relationship is:
You compare every aspect of this new person to your ex and this person often comes up short (by the way, it’s a natural tendency everyone has to compare new and old relationships).
4. You try to rationalize your new relationship.
Whether you’re trying to prove a point to someone else (or yourself) if you find yourself having to have mental “pep talks” about why this is the right move for your love life, chances are it’s not. New relationships should be natural and pressure-free, you shouldn’t have to rationalize your new love to yourself or anyone else.
3. You’re using your new partner to rebuild yourself.
If you’re banking on your new relationship to help “find yourself again,” it’s a huge sign it’s way too soon. You should use the time after a breakup to rediscover yourself, by yourself. Relying on someone else to help do that is unhealthy and risks the chance of you losing yourself in someone else. Irene Fehr, sex & intimacy coach says:
“Notice your own eagerness to put aside what’s important to you and place your relationship and your partner in the foreground. What’s driving this decision? If you’re twisting and bending your own life to suit that of your partner, most likely you’re acting from fear of losing them. The speed of your actions in this situation is a fight/flight response — slow down to ground yourself into what’s important to you. Relationships where one person loses themselves to create or keep the relationship are bound to fail.”
2. You’ve said “I love you” earlier than you have in the past.
After getting out of a relationship, we’re eager to feel that blissful feeling of being in love. It usually pushes us to pressure our new partner into feeling it, too. Many people who jump into a new relationship right away tend to say “I love you” earlier, because they’re chasing that high they had in their previous relationship. However, it’s usually too soon to really be “in love” with someone just yet. Marriage and family therapist Moshe Ratson says:
“Many people confuse the word ‘love’ with ‘in love. While being in love ? being infatuated or experiencing lust ? is more relevant to early stages of a romantic relationship, loving someone is more relevant to a long-term relationship, after you’ve really gotten to know your partner.”
1. You know deep down that you’re not ready.
It’s important to always listen to your gut and your heart when it comes to relationships and love. If it’s too soon to be with someone new, most of the time we know deep down–we just don’t want to face the truth. Even if you’ve met someone really great, if you’re not ready, it’s important to be real with yourself. Dr. Jill Weber claims that it’s important to be honest with yourself and completely examine your love life before moving on.
“Skipping this important step puts you at risk of entering another relationship without much self-growth and may set you up for even more unprocessed grief in the future.”
Instead of rushing into a relationship with someone else, invest in the relationship you have with yourself.
While we all want to be in love and happy, after a break-up it’s more important to invest in yourself than in someone new. Taking time between relationships allows you to learn from the past and prevent yourself from experiencing the same old heartbreak over and over again.