Hey Douchebag, Stop Popping Up When It’s Convenient For You

I’m having the best day ever, and BAM! You creep into my messages with pathetic excuses and more bullshit lies.

Stop! Stop contacting me when it’s convenient for you. I don’t have the time or patience. You’re sounding like a broken record. It’s getting old.

You don’t miss me. You don’t love me. You don’t even want me. You’re just sitting around realizing how badly you messed up. The silence of an empty house and life is catching up with you.

Where were you when I wanted and needed you? Where were you when I wanted to be together? You were too caught up in your games to see the actual picture.

The reality is setting in that I’m not there anymore. I got tired of being there at your convenience, dropping everything because I cared. Because you were all I wanted. Because I thought I was what you wanted too.

Don’t text me with your problems and feelings. That door has closed. And that’s your own damn fault. You only have yourself to blame for pushing away the one person who had your back always.

Don’t try to use guilt or manipulate my feelings in order to get your way. I don’t need your drama or your narcissistic comments anymore. You should have thought of that before you tried to destroy me.

I don’t rely on you or your love. I never needed you for anything, I only wanted you for the person I fell for. I thought you were who you claimed to be. But the person I thought you were was all a lie, and our love was a lie.

You’re NOT the man I met or loved.

So stop with the selfish shit and reaching out to me only because no one else is around, or because you feel alone. Don’t get caught up in feelings and memory lane because you’re drunk.

You didn’t want me then, and you sure aren’t going to have me now.

You Played Me Like A Joke, But In The End You Lost

I find it pretty funny that you think you have an effect on me. You had a chance with me six years ago, you decided I was too much for you even though you cheated on me twice in the two weeks we were together.

I had fallen for you in such a short amount of time because you gave me the attention I wanted. You texted me every morning, called me beautiful, and tried for over a month to get me to date you but I was hesitant due to the heartbreak I dealt with from an ex of mine before you stumbled in.

You made me believe that you could have an interest in me, you came and took me on a date during our spring break, and asked me out in person, you would sing to me, and do anything you could to get me to give you a chance.

I finally gave you one, and within a week you texted me that your ex kissed you and that it meant “nothing” because you “loved” me, I was a stupid naive teenager who believed a guy she barely knew.

After that kiss, we started to fight a lot, but I came and saw you one night with my best friend because you wanted me to come see you and try to work things out, I was laying on you playing on my phone while you were working on some homework, yet my best friend caught you telling other girls they were sexy.

She didn’t want to say anything to me about it until we left, and she even got a picture when you weren’t watching. Was I not good looking enough for you? How you could tell other girls they were sexy when I was laying on you cuddling, is beyond me. You told me I was the only girl for you.

Our fights finally got to the point that we would barely talk to each other. Anytime we talked it turned into a fight and you would tell me I was too much for you.  We had a fight at one point and I told you I couldn’t do it anymore, that I was not enough for you.

You admitted that your ex kissed you yet again, and I finally had enough. We had a mutual break up but you would get mad if you found out I was talking to other guys but you could talk to other girls.

When I started to date my boyfriend you got mad and would say he wouldn’t treat me like you did, you were right, he treated me 10x better than you did. Then you started to date your girlfriend who became your fiancee.

Do you know what aggravates me the most? You are engaged and in the military and still, try to flirt with me. Get over it, we are done, have been for years. You had your chance and blew it twice. That was on you, not on me.

Let go of whatever we had like I did, and love and appreciate your fiance because she does everything for you, when you are away in the military she works and keeps busy until you come home to her. She hangs with her friends and is loyal to you, give her the same respect.

We are history, and that’s how it should be. Get over it

 

My Mind Knows I Should Leave but My Heart Won’t Give Him Up

I’m finally at the point where I can confidently fake a pleasant, positive response when people ask how I’m doing. Some see the sadness hidden in my eyes and give me a knowing look, but most just move on.

Those people don’t know the pain you caused me. The ones that do despise you. They see how you’ve shattered me and recognize that I’ll never be the girl I was before I let you into my heart.

They held me as my body quivered when I had no tears left and heard my weakened whispers admitting how alone and defeated I was. They saw my body shrink as I struggled to move past everything.

They don’t understand why I still choose to let you in my life. Sometimes even I don’t know why I let you stay after you broke me the way you did.

It’s curious how a problem can be its own solution. On my roughest days, you’re still the only one who can calm me down and talk some sense into my stubborn head. 

I know you care about me. You’ve taken responsibility for your actions and I know that means a lot, but part of me will never understand how you treated me so horribly.

On the days where I find the tears streaming down my face, I have no problem angrily telling you how shitty of a person you are. While I do feel that way about you, I also still care for you. I still love you.

It’s been a long time since we sat in the same room and talked but late night text conversations still happen. 

You say it’s best that we keep our distance while things are fresh because you’re scared being close will bring too many feelings back for me.

Part of me knows that you’re just as scared that you’ll find yourself overwhelmed.

I know I’ll never be able to fully detach if I let you stick around in my life and heart, but maybe I don’t really want to quit what we’ve started.

Maybe this is just our pause, not a full stop.

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