Happy Fathers Day To The Absent Father Who Made Me Stronger.

For those of us who have an absent father. A dad that is alive but was never really there for use Fathers Day is not an exciting time of year. I actually get a lot of anxiety about this day. It is not my intention to hurt anyone else feelings but the truth is, Fathers Day brings up a lot of painful memories. 

 

As I stand here in Target in the middle of the card isle looking through the cards, I am looking for a very simple Happy Fathers Day. However, as I read through them I start to feel a little sad. One card says, thank you dad for always being there. In my mind I am thinking about all the times that you werent there. All the times when I was little and really did not even know who you where. 

 

 

I am transfixed right there. I see the nights that you were drinking and decided going to a buddys house was more important then spending time with me.

 

Or when you were drinking and you where fighting with everyone in the house. It was so loud that most nights It was hard to go to sleep. Then there were the nights that you would call the house that I was staying at until three or four in the morning because you where drinking. In these moments it was very apparent that your feelings about how life was going meant much more than what was best for me. 

 

When we first started talking again, I thought these where things that I could get past. That I would be able to forgive. I thought that we were going to have a different relationship. I thought that now because I am an adult that I would not need you the way that I did anymore and so things would be different. Then I found myself in need of your help. I came to you like I was always told that I could and you told me you just couldnt do anything to help me. The literal answer was, well you are an adult now so you should be able to figure this out. 

 

I was heartbroken, yes I figured it out, but in this moment I knew that I was on my own.

 

 

I would never be able to just go to my dad and ask for his help. So durning this Fathers day I am looking for a new relationship. One with a lot lower expectations than I have had pervious. I almost feel like I need to have no expectations for the relationship. It is not for lack of hope for a relationship. I just think our relationship will not be the same as a normal father daughter relationship will be. 

 

 

I will also say that our relationship has taught me some hard life lessons. No, maybe I should not have had to learn them as earl in life or through our relationship. However, one of the biggest things that Have learned is how to be strong and independent. As well as, how I will raise my children. No, I cannot guarantee that the person I choose to be their father will never disappoint them. However, I as their mother will be able to say. I am here and show them that I am here no matter what. I will be gladly do what I can to help them through life. 

 

So, thank you. Thank you for showing me that I do have the strength and the will power to keep going no matter what. That yes, I can figure it out on my own even though I should not have had too. I am strong for the lack of relationship that we have had. I also know that this is not the relationship that I will have with my own children. Instead I will break the cycle!

For those who won’t have a father on Father’s Day this year

Father’s Day Memories

 

Used to be such a happy day. I use to celebrate this day with joy in my heart, thankful for my father and him keeping himself strong everyday. The Father’s Day i spent seeing him when he was sober free we were fishing, out to lunch, or antique shopping. Since you left me dad, since your addiction took a-hold of you i have all this love in my heart with no one to give it to. If your father has passed this day will be a struggle for you. You will watch as others love and praise their fathers while you might feel anger or hurt in your heart towards others because your jealous of what you don’t have anymore.

 

My dad passed away August 27, 2014.

I have started to lose memory of his voice, every single detail of him. My dad was quite the character, he had sarcastic humor and a heart so rare.

He wanted so badly to love and be their for his family. Sadly  addiction took a-hold of my father. My father was a determined person and fought addiction his entire life. He loved to tell stories, and make you laugh from his corny jokes till your stomach hurt. My first fathers day without him i spent the day in tears at his grave screaming and yelling so angry with the world. I couldn’t help but scream to god with anger at him for letting my dads addiction take his life. I hadn’t realized that their was a plan, someday i would.

 

The plan was for me to educate others on Drug Addiction and the disease. I will spend my life educating others on this disease, and i will help in anyway i can. Along the way i met a friend and she has become one of my best-friends. About halfway through our friendship she lost her father. I felt anger again towards the world for letting God take away her dad.

Fatherless And Fierce

Growing Up Without A Father

What does every girl want in her life? Well besides marrying her soul mate,  is her father being supportive. When a father leaves because of abuse, drugs, or he’s a workaholic, or he just does, it has been proven to hurt that daughter(s) more than the son(s). And it hurts more on certain days like…

Fathers Day

Everyone is with their Father on this Day Of Celebration. Except more than half the woman across the world. It may just be one of those days just like every other but deep down its not, to you it is like seeing every other girl in the world be happy holding hands, spending the day with, hanging out, loving, seeing, being with their Father, everyone except for you.

Graduation-

Graduating is one of the most important days in everyone’s life including Fathers and Mothers. Graduating is a thank you to them,  and in a way telling them you raised this grad and that you helped them become this person.

Wedding Day-

Your wedding day isn’t just about you it’s about how far you have come in life and it seems like you are just beginning but honestly you are. And you are starting a brand new chapter in your life and it’s not only about you it’s also about your parents.

Strong girls, without Dads, stay strong. And be grateful for who you are becoming. You are Fatherless and fierce.

5 Heartfelt Questions for the Dad Who Left

Why?

The one word question bounces around my head, day in and day out, since the day you left.  Years go by, and this question still remains.

This is the toughest one to ask, but one that I will always be searching for the answer to.  What was the reason?  There had to be something.  How could I not see this coming?

 

Was it my fault?

Though it is the most cliché and seemingly obvious question to answer, I cannot help to think that I had something to do with it.

I mean, I don’t think I was that bad of a kid, but I was a kid, what did I know?  If it wasn’t me, was it one of my siblings?  Were we too much to handle?

 

Saying Goodbye To My Father Who Was Never Going To Love Me

A roughed up, torn up, coming apart tin man sits on my office couch. Its one of two stuffed animals that have stayed with me past childhood and into adulthood. Why the tin man? Why was this particular stuffed animal so important?

 

Well because that’s the one my father bought me. And that’s the only memory I have of us doing something special together. It was The Wizard of Oz on ice and I can barely remember it.

 

But I remember the excitement waiting for him to come pick me up. I remember that feeling I had that night.  I remember the end where he told me I could pick out any gift I wanted from the show and something drew me to the tin man. Was the show even good? Did I even enjoy it? I don’t remember that.

 

To My Tough Father, Thank You For Being Soft With My Child

Dad,

I will admit, I was a little nervous about how you would interact with my child. You have such a rough shell, one that could not be penetrated with me when I was growing up.

You were never the affectionate type. In fact, I can’t really remember a single time you were with me as a child.

So naturally, when I became pregnant, I was a little worried. I wanted my baby to have a grandfather to spend time with; to go places and learn new things with. I knew that there was a certain amount of knowledge that my baby could get only from you.

You weren’t all that thrilled about the pregnancy, which only deepened my worries.

And then I gave birth.. My baby was here; a beautiful little miracle sent straight from Heaven. 7 pounds of pure love.

Everyone that was close to me fell in love with this child… even you. And suddenly, all of my fears began to disappear.

The way that you began to interact with my baby was shocking, yet so beautiful. The adoration you have for that child is heart warming.

I look back on my childhood and look at how the two of you are together, and it makes me so happy. Is it possible that my child softened that tough heart of yours? I’d say so. 

It’s like every little thing that you never gave to me, you’re giving my child, and I couldn’t be more grateful.

You have become my child’s favorite person; my baby’s hero.

I can’t wait to sit back and see the rest of the years that we all have together to watch how your bond continues to grow.

You were the first man I loved in my life, someone who has taught me so much. Watching you love my child is like watching you love me all over again. And seeing the two of you together only makes me love you more. 

So thank you, dad. Thank you for being soft with the biggest piece of me. Thank you for giving this baby everything that you didn’t give me. Thank you for looking at my child with a fierce love in your eyes like I’ve never seen before. Thank you for showing me that you are willing to make an effort with my child like it is your own.

Thank you for being an amazing grandfather. 

To the Girl With Daddy Issues

To The Girl With Daddy Issues

I’m not to sure as to what exactly the issue is between you and your biological father. However, I am here to tell you that the struggles we deal with because of this issue are most likely very similar.

I would agree with you 110% if you were to come up to me and tell me that not having a father figure sucks. Plain sucks. It really does, and you are not alone. There are just a few things I would like for you to remember throughout all of this.

You don’t need him

Yes, you want him in your life, but you don’t need him. Chances are you are a twenty-something genius. You have made it this far without him and having him in your life this far down the road will not impact you the way that you think.

 

Don’t avoid meeting him

One thing to remember if you have never met him is that you don’t want to live with regrets. If he is being difficult and doesn’t want to meet you, then that is one thing.

The thoughts I share with you in this article will help you deal with that. If he isn’t against meeting you or is curious as well, then by all means, DO IT.

You need closure. Maybe even meeting him will make you realize why he isn’t in your life to begin with, and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 

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