To the father who didn’t have to stay

Thank you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing to be my dad. You didn’t have to be and I definitely didn’t make it easy.

I was about five years old when you came into my life. Not really ever having any other father figures besides my uncle and my grandpa. My real father really screwed that one up for me. I never let people around me know how upset it really made me feel not having my dad in my life. I think that is a normal thing to be upset about, but it was always just way easier to shrug it off.

I would go to those daddy swim things with my cousin’s dad and other than that I would just try to put it out of my mind. Being five you don’t think you would really be able to recall how you felt, but it makes sense because you are missing a whole half of what is suppose to be there.

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Mom’s Viral Post Explains Why We Shouldn’t Be Teaching Kids ‘Not To Stare’

Staring isn’t something that only kids do—there are rude people all around us who are happy to stare, long, hard, and unembarrassed, at people around them who look different than they do. But kids are prone to staring by nature simply because they’re absolutely full of curiosity and everything is new to them. They haven’t yet learned that it’s a rude thing you’re not supposed to do.

But one mother is saying that we shouldn’t be teaching our kids not to stare because that just means ignoring everyone around them who looks different, and that’s not exactly ideal either.

Jenna Gines wrote a post on Facebook about how parents should react when their kids are staring at someone who looks different from most people, whether it’s gender-related, a physical disability, or just about anything that people tend to gawk at. Instead of just looking, she suggests actually interacting.

Her post, which includes pictures of two of her sons, one of whom uses a wheelchair, reads:

Please stop teaching your children not to stare!
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What are we teaching them when we say that? Don’t look at someone that is different then you. Don’t be curious or want to learn about something you’ve never seen before. Stay away from things that are different.

“Instead, let them stare. Let them ask questions, talk about it. What is it that they see? What is it that they’re curious about? What is different? What is the same?

If it’s someone using a wheelchair, say hi. If it’s someone that looks or acts different, say hi. If it’s someone ofshort stature, say hi.

“Teach your child about differences. It’s okay to be different. It’s okay to notice it & to talk about it. It’s even better to make a new friend. It’s not okay to ignore, look away, or act like a person who is different isn’t there.
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Let’s embrace different. Let’s talk about differences & be the change we want to see in this world.”

People (other parents, as well as the people who so often find themselves being stared at) shared their thoughts in the comments.

Some moms learned something new and decided they’d be changing the way they interacted with people when their kids were staring.

Of course, there’s a difference between looking at someone and just straight-up gawking at them. Gawking is never okay.

And some people might not feel like talking about themselves, so it’s important for parents to be able to gauge the situation.

But it is true that by ignoring people completely, we teach our kids to be mean.

The ultimate goal is to make it so that kids learn to accept that there are people different from them, and that’s great. It’d be boring if we were all the same.

h/t: Someecards, Facebook: Jenna Gines

Things That Happen When You Grow Up With A Blunt Dad

For many girls, fathers are their first loves. Dads are our teachers, caregivers, and best friends. But growing up with a blunt dad is a totally different ballgame. He’s hilarious and fun, but he’ll always tell it like it is. He never had to beat around the bush when trying to teach or discipline you. If that dress was too short, he’d tell you exactly what you look like.

1. Your dad tells the best jokes and stories.

Blunt people are brutally honest. Describing life exactly as it is, with a little bit of sarcastic humor thrown in there, can be hilarious. When your dad gets started, there’s no stopping him. And there’s no escape from the gut-wrenching laughter, either.

2. He has no problem confronting you about your modesty (or lack thereof).

If you were one of those teeny sixteen-year-olds who got dressed up to “go out,” your dad made sure you were kept in line. He wasn’t terribly strict per se, but he was not going to let you out of the house in that dress. The one that made you look like a hooker. Nope, not happening.

3. He gives you the best life advice.

A blunt dad calls it as he sees it. Even if you don’t ask for advice, he’ll tell you what you need to hear. If you’re clearly miserable at your summer internship or hate your major, he’ll sit you down and tell you to look at different paths. A blunt dad won’t just sit around and support you no matter what. He’ll do that, but he’ll direct you down the path you need to take.

4. Your dad always corrected your mistakes.

If you messed up, he’d tell you. But he wouldn’t get mad and get over it. He’d teach you, and help you learn from your mess up. He’d joke and say “Ok, well that was awful.” But he’d make you get back up and try again until you got it right.

5. When your teenage boyfriends came over to meet the parents, he’d tell you his opinion with the most brutal honesty.

It was either, “that was a good kid,” or “HA! get rid of him as fast as you can.” You might have rolled your eyes and dismissed his honesty, but deep down, you know that his judgments were spot on. And thank god for that, because he saved you from a ton of deadbeat scumbags.

6. Your dad would critique your middle school group of friends and steer you in the right direction.

If you had a friend that was too loud, obnoxious, or too shy to say hello, he’d call them out on it. Albeit, he’d be polite, but you were mortified. Your dad likes people who are upfront and direct, so carrying a conversation with your little friends wasn’t too pleasant for him. If it were up to him, he’d tell you who to hang out with.

7. You were never reprimanded by your dad. He taught you how to see things in a different light.

If you broke the rules, your dad wasn’t angry or upset. He was disappointed. But he told you exactly what you did wrong, how you needed to change, and how to be consistent. And when you worked it out, your dad was first to tell you how great you are.

8. He defined the parameters of right and wrong.

Blunt people are black and white. There’s no wishy-washy grey area. So there’s no cutting corners or taking the easy way out with your blunt dad around. He’ll call you out on your laziness, procrastination, or anger. And he’ll help you through it.

9. His love for you is unconditional and pure.

Even though he’s blunt, he’s still a mush for his little girl. You know your dad loves you no matter what, and he’ll always be by your side to guide you and support you through it all.

No Parents, No Joke: Why ‘Daddy Issues’ Aren’t Funny

We’re a part of a generation who is heavy set on the “blame-game.” We have become dependent on placing negative attention elsewhere. For example, a student fails a test? Obviously, it’s the teacher’s fault. Did you cheat on your ex? She made you mad and you were vulnerable that night. A girl who sleeps around? Apparently, she’s looking for love in all the wrong places. (Chill. Maybe she just enjoys sex. Guys don’t get questioned about it, so why should she?)

But there’s one comment that tags along with this and it never fails to make my blood boil – this is what happens when your dad doesn’t love you. I see picture after picture of young girls doing promiscuous things and the captions are always something along the lines of when your dad doesn’t love you enough, or thank you to all the dead-beat dads. Since when was this a matter worth joking about? Lacking sufficient parental guidance is funny nowadays?

There is an abundance of statistics involving the long-term effects that paternal neglect could have on a child, specifically in this case, a daughter. Father involvement provides females with positive male/female relationships and increased self-respect. One study done on women in their early 20’s shows that “participants expressed difficulties forming healthy relationships with men and they associated these difficulties with their experiences of father absence,” while another study shows that a girl who portrays a higher involvement with her father is less likely to partake in sexual activities before the age of 16.

We need to realize that paternal issues affect men just as much as they affect women. Jokes are always promoting the sexualizing of girls with “daddy issues,” but we neglect to realize that boys without father figures are just as likely to develop certain issues; socially, behaviorally, and emotionally. According to a survey reported by the U.S Census Bureau, “24 million children in America – one out of every three – live in biological father-absent homes.” 1/3 of children grow up without a father. One in three. This DOES NOT exclude boys. Boys with non-active/abusive fathers grow to be more hostile, and more prone to juvenile incarceration. But you don’t see anyone looking at an incarcerated teenager and think “thank god for the dead-beat dads,” do you? No. Because it doesn’t get you laid. And if it gets you laid, I guess it’s okay to joke about.

It’s sad how little we try to sympathize, and how quickly we joke about something that affects people’s lives forever. “Daddy issues” are serious and should never be the joke of slut-shaming. Why, do you ask? Let me explain.

Number 1 – Just because someone is sexually active doesn’t mean she has parental problems underlying her free choice to accept and explore the intimate side of her humanity.

Number 2 – If someone DOES have parental problems, why do we feel the need to judge? I’m sure none of us would want memes portraying our personal problems.

Number 3 – Try to imagine yourself attempting to fill a void, and wind up being the brunt of a joke that took over the generation. It’s not that funny anymore, is it?

Let’s get serious – there’s nothing funny about a broken home. I’m sure this era can survive with some other form of ill-mannered humor. It’s time to put the insensitivity behind us.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

To The Fearless Girls Who Had The Strength To Break-Up With Their Toxic Dad

A Fearless Girl And Her Toxic Dad

Dads…Who needs them? All girls do but unfortunately, yours didn’t fit the bill as ‘world’s best dad’ and you had no choice but to gather up your ‘daddy’s little princess’ dreams and kicked the toxic bastard to the curb.

It hurt, stung and burned your soul, but you must trust that it’s the best decision you ever made and that you’re going to kick ass at living life without your dad.

Whether it was because of emotional or physical abuse, the dude failed at his fundamental job to unconditionally love, protect and nurture you.

It must be clear that his toxic lack of effort and ability to love is not your fault. It doesn’t have to define you or haunt and shape your capacity to love and receive love.

Your resilient heart has come this far, you made the conscious choice to separate yourself from his toxic influence, and that along has already set you up for a better mañana.

Yes, it’s a great loss, probably one of the hardest break-ups you have to endure, but it has also shown your inner strength and the power you have to fight for the love that you warrant. Cheer up, you’re a self-made badass!

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Hey Dad, Don’t Read This Until Her Wedding Day

Giving his daughter away is probably the hardest thing a father will have to do in his life.

From dropping her off at kindergarten on her first day to opening the door for guy on her first date, his heart is aching.

And now, that’s his little girl falling in love with the guy she’s going to spend the rest of her life with.

He prays she takes his breath away just by the sight of her, that he’s the guy who will love every ounce of her being without question, that he’ll be loyal to her even in his lowest moments.

Because a father’s love is incomparable to anything else. He loves his little girl with everything in him and would never allow anyone get close enough to her if he had an inkling that she could get hurt.

In his eyes, no one will ever be good enough for her. But the truth is… she’s found her forever. The one guy who she will love for the rest of her life and he’s everything she’s ever dreamed of.

Every prayer her dad prayed, every wish he made, every dream he dreamed. This guy is all of it.

Every tear he shed, every smile he beamed, every “I love you” shared. They all come back in the form of this perfect guy.

He’s the one who treats his princess like a queen, shows his little girl the world, gives her the entire universe, and loves her with all his unending might.

He protects her, cherishes her, respects her, listens to her, encourages her, lifts her up, catches her when she falls, spoils her, and reminds her every day of how amazing she really is.

He stands by her even in the darkest times, never makes her feel alone or abandons her, always holds her hand crossing the street, and never lets her go to bed angry.

He understands her far more than she understands herself, makes her laugh and cheers her up, prays with her, and motivates her to be the best version she can be.

He is the love she has been searching for and the one who holds her heart in his hands

He’s the one.

To My Father Who Wasn’t Man Enough to Stick Around

It’s been so long since you abandoned me, Dad, but people still ask about you. Most want to know how I’m doing without you, but sometimes they’ll ask how you are and I’m forced to admit I have no idea.

I don’t get too upset by the questions. But even if I refused to speak about you for the rest of my life, I’ll never be able to forget the morning you left.

I woke up and my whole world was gone.

At first, I actually thought you were dead. Weird, right? What kind of father leaves their child wondering that?

And even with all of that, I don’t hate you. You are my dad. Even if that’s the only “are” we have left.

Maybe it’s because you were a great dad. Growing up, you were my superhero and my teddy bear, always there to fight off my bad dreams.

You were my pillow when my heart was broken, my motivator when school got hard, and the one who kept me going.

You were my heart, my happiness, my absolute everything. I hope you feel the emotions behind these words because you genuinely hurt me.

Because other people don’t ever get it. They say I should be happy that you weren’t a deadbeat my whole life. And, I am thankful for the times when we were close, but that doesn’t mean I don’t ache over you every day.

I wish I could forget the day you chose to leave, but it’s burned into my memory. My life has never been the same.

I try to stay positive. I don’t want to be bitter, but it’s so damn hard.

Why did you break my heart? There was no logical reason. Many parents don’t live with their children, some get divorced and remarried but they still stay in contact. Why did you have to just abandon me?

Something in you changed and took my Dad away. Maybe it was unresolved pain or depression. Maybe it was pure selfishness. Whatever the culprit, I hope you overcome it someday.

I hope I’ll be able to understand one day, mostly for my own sake but also for yours.

Yes, sometimes I scream that I hate you and will never be okay, but I know I will be. I don’t really hate you. You’ve done something I don’t think I will ever forgive, but I’ll always love the person you used to be.

I hope you find happiness because I don’t hate you. Our relationship is marked by things you used to be, but you are always going to be my dad, that will never change.

Next time I see you, I hope I see something different in you, a smile or some confidence. Something I can’t see now. And if I don’t ever see you again, I hope you love your new life, Dad.

Because I am your daughter and I will never stop loving you. Even if you stopped loving me.