There are many times throughout your life when you are going to butt heads with other people or be judged by others. It’s not always going to be your fault, but, there are occurrences that will arise in which you are on “trial” with other people in your life. People will come at you, full force, if they think you’re in the wrong. But, who can you turn to when you feel the entire world is against you?
Who are you to go to for support and a helping hand when people would rather see you broken, beat, and bent than thriving? Especially, when we’re the ones who have screwed up.
Many times in a relationship, we turn to our partner for love and suppor. Especially when we feel as though we’re being attacked. We look to our significant others for comfort, for guidance, and for above all—support. Many question, however, what the right thing to do is if your significant other needs support, but they are the ones who are in the wrong. Does being in a relationship with someone mean always standing up for them, even if they are the ones who have f*cked up?
The truth is, everyone experiences love differently. Love is an emotion, it’s not something as cut and dry as having a common cold. Someone can experience love and it makes them feel something – and, another person can feel completely different when they’re in love. It’s not a universal feeling, it’s not something everyone experiences the same – therefore, it’s not something everyone can give you the answers about.
You probably clicked on this article for two reasons. One is that you think this is click bait and I have zero clue about what I’m talking about and are looking to troll me and my relationship advice for the entire Internet to see. Two is that you’re in a relationship where you are unhappy or borderline unhappy and want to know if it’s just you that’s feeling this way. If it’s reason one – go home. If it’s reason two – you’re not alone.
I was in several long-term relationships in my life where I overstayed my welcome. Sometimes, there are warning signs and red flags that are right in front of your face – waving in thin air – but you stay because you don’t want to lose something special – comfort. Far too long, people stay in relationships they are severely unhappy in because of being comfortable and, the fear of being alone. For these two reasons, we find ourselves settling – wondering what else is out there and is there someone better suited for me – and yet, we may lose opportunities to meet those someones because we are suffering in our own despair.
There are a lot of tell-tale signs that point to a relationship ending, but, some people don’t want to face the truth. But, when it’s there, there’s no denying it.
1. You’ve lost that loving feeling.
Sure, I just took song lyrics and made it a point – but it’s actually true. When you look at your partner and no longer smile right away or feel that “overcome with emotion” sensation – chances are, you’re falling out of love with them. You want to look at them less and when they come home from work – it’s just “whatever.” The more you fall out of love, the less love you will feel. We all know how it feels to look at someone we are in love with. We laugh, we get giddy, we smile and we become hot and bothered (sometimes). But, when you feel indifferent towards them, you’re going to begin to resent them eventually. Their qualities you once loved will become flaws and sooner or later – you’ll hate yourself for not ending it.
It’s a universal truth that every couple argues. Some couples argue a lot, some couples argue a little – my boyfriend and I argue more than we do anything else. But, overall, every couple goes through their own problems from time to time. There is no such thing as a “perfect relationship,”—everyone has their sh*t.
When we argue with our SO in our relationship, we’ve been socially constructed to solve the problems that come about right then and there—never giving ourselves a break or time to process any thoughts or changes. We’ve been told that if we truly care about our relationship, we’ll fight tooth and nail to make it work and make it better. We have to find a way to figure it out and we have to do it right then and there.
I’m sure you’ve heard of the saying “never go to bed angry.”
Basically, that saying is as old as the nature of love and marriage. As time has progressed, society has progressed. We’re constantly on—working, running around, trying to do everything in the small frame of 24 hours that we have. We don’t usually have time to decompress and relax. When we have long days, we yearn to come home to our SO and enjoy our time with them, getting that “break” we truly need.
When that break ends in explosions and fights, it’s almost impossible for us not to get frustrated. The real issue is that society tells us, when we argue with our significant other, we should do whatever we can to solve it and not let ourselves leave without solving the issue at hand.
People think that if you stay up all night long trying to solve problems, it proves some big notion that you care about your relationship enough to lose sleep over it and that means your relationship is strong and resilient and rainbows/butterflies/sunshine-y great.
I call bullsh*t.
When you fight with your SO, it’s healthy to go to bed angry.
I’m serious. Think about it like this—
When you fight with your SO about something important, it takes a lot of energy out of you to argue back and forth with them. Many of times when you disagree, it’s more than just a little thing – there’s a lot of depth to your argument which means, there’s a lot to talk about. The more you talk, the later it gets.
If you’re arguing with your SO, you’ll want to have your foundation solid and strong – but, if you argue into the late, late hours of the night, you’ll probably end up making things worse not better. You’ll be so exhausted that your argument will start to sound insane and your mind will start to clutter.
Now, if you choose to sleep on it, instead of arguing all night long, it’ll help in many ways. By allowing both you and your SO to “sleep on it,” you give each other time to process the argument and what happened/what went wrong. Many of times, this allows you and your SO to better understand the other’s argument and stance, which means, you may come into the next conversation with a new, compromising and calm perspective.
As well, you’ll have a clear head and a better sense of your emotions – you may decide you and your partner can agree to disagree and move on from the argument at hand. You may decide that there are ways to meet in the middle and make both of you happy. But, you wouldn’t have realized all of these things at 4 a.m. after you’d been fighting for five hours.
So, if you find yourself disagreeing with your SO and it goes on into the late night – give yourself a break. Get some rest, sleep on it, allow yourself to detox from the arguments and get some rest. I promise you in the morning, you will thank me.