See the Future or Change the Past?

Everywhere you look these days, there seems to be superhero paraphernalia. From movies, clothing, stickers, books, and cereal it’s all about superheroes. It’s what sells. Now, this isn’t a bad thing but it got me to think really hard about what power I would like if I could choose.

Selfish me would say flying and I wouldn’t think twice about that answer. Think about that. The places you could visit, the things you would see but more importantly, you could leave the house two minutes before work and still be on time. That’s the real benefit. However, this is an article about relationships and their what-if’s.

Let’s say the cool stuff like X-Ray vision, flying, and superhuman strength are not an option. Let’s say you are only given two options. Albeit both are very powerful options.

What if you could see into the future of your relationship or you could change your past to shape your future. You only get to use this power once. So, if you screw up the past again there is no going back. Even if you see into the future to potentially fix anything, there is not looking ahead a second time after it’s made right.

Now, stay with me on this. You are only allowed to see the future of your current relationship or a potential new relationship. That’s it. We are only speaking on a relationship level here.

Your other option is to change your past relationships to shape your future one or let’s just say, shape your here and now. No, in this situation you aren’t allowed to use the power for monetary gain. It only applies to your current or past relationships.

The decision becomes difficult. I think the easy answer here is to say; see into the future. Human nature is to tell others that you are perfectly happy in your current situation even if you are not. So say, you get to see into the future! What would be your first move? Would you want to see the dark side of it all? Does my partner die before me? How? Can I prevent it? When or will they cheat on me? Maybe you don’t want to see that side of it. Maybe you choose to see the perfect social media life we all live. Perhaps you want to know if you will have babies? A bigger house? A nicer vehicle? Where will I be in 5, 10, 20 years from today? All great questions and all things that give us anxiety in our everyday lives.

For me, I would choose to change my past to shape my future. As odd as it may sound, I do enjoy the challenges that each day brings. I don’t always enjoy all of them but there is this thing called life and I just don’t want to know what the future holds. Clearly, we’ve all done this relationship thing a few times and we know what our expectations are now, right? Surely, we wouldn’t make the same mistakes twice by going back in time to shape our future.

Yes, we have learned a lot from our past and those things that we have learned have helped shaped who we are today but when it comes to relationships, the one regret or thing I would’ve changed is, I wish I would’ve just waited.

I wish I would’ve taken my time and simply just waited for the one thing that eventually slipped away and at its core is the basis for this writing. This life is full of twist and turns and you never know who you will meet or even when you meet will meet them. Life is strange like that. Is this where being able to see the future would be better? Unfortunately, there isn’t some magical unicorn to go back and change your past but what if you could?

Would you wait for love? Would you force a relationship that wasn’t there? Would you get married? Have kids? If you already have both, has it gone how you have anticipated? Would you trade or change any of it? This is the part of the article where you take your, “I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” cliche and really think about that. Would you do it differently? Would you trade it for the world?

I’m a firm believer in when you know you know. Think about your relationship this minute. Right now. Today. Did you have to chase your current partner? Did you actually know or did you put time into the relationship and tell yourself that this is it. This is the one. Do you convince yourself that, yes I wanted this and it’s all perfect? Not that there is anything wrong with the pursuit and the work or any of this that but at some point in your life, you will run into the instant spark. I’m not talking about the person who is physically attractive. You see these type of people every day. I’m talking about the physically attractive person with the sexuality, personality, and mentality that you look for in your ideal mate. If it hasn’t happened yet. It’s going to happen. I promise. So, once again. What of the two powers would you like more? Future or past?

Maybe, shaping the future or seeing into the future isn’t all it’s cracked up to be? I think it’s human nature to have this sense of wonder. Was that person the one that got away? Life and especially relationships are like that. I guess in all fairness it never goes how anyone anticipates it. Your relationship isn’t always the way it is when you first meet someone. You may constantly ask yourself on the daily, “Where did it all go wrong?”

The answer isn’t in this article. Only you know the answer but think about it, what would you choose? Would you want to go back to the past and shape your future? Perhaps, you just want to be able to see where this current relationship goes? You only get one choice in this article, so which is it?

The Heartbreaking Reality Of Loving Someone You Have No Future With

Falling in love is one of the most brutally awakening experiences one can endure. When you meet someone you click with, it often seems like nothing else matters to you—it’s you and them against the entire world and you couldn’t give a f*ck what anyone else thinks.

The beginning of every “epic love” you experience in your life (because trust me, there will be more than one) is always absolute bliss. You’re constantly learning new things about each other, you’re sharing first-time experiences with them and you are hopelessly in love with all the little moments you spend together.

That’s why they call the beginning of every relationship the “Honeymoon Stage.” You are on a vacation from reality – you are living on an island in your mind, where no true sense of truth can make its way in. You’re lounging in the sunshine of their embraces, you’re watching the stars in their eyes—it’s like a permanent break from worry and chaos.

But, every honeymoon eventually comes to an end and sometimes, reality finds its way into your mind. It does happen in life that we fall in love with people we have no future with and we’re left to face the question of what the f*ck do we do next?

Do you stay with someone you’re madly in love with, even though you can’t see them being the end-all be-all of your life? Or, do you prematurely leave, because you don’t want to waste your time on someone who cannot provide a solid foundation for a future with you?

You start to worry about every little thing—overthinking situations that may not happen for years to come—but, they matter in the long-run. How can you truly know what the right move is? How do you know what you should do in this kind of situation?

The truth is there is no right answer. There is no universal truth to dealing with this kind of complex situation. You can love someone with every inch of your soul, every inch of your being, and they can still not be the right person for you, for the rest of your life.

It’s up to you to decide.

Are you willing to stay with someone you love, because you love them, and risk the chance of it ending in heartbreak—having to start all over again with someone new?

On average, people spend over a year or two together before realizing that they are with the “wrong person,” or, that the person they are with has no place in their future. They start to see bigger flaws, issues that will hinder their growth and the relationships’ growth—or realize, they cannot marry this person or start a family with them.

Here’s the honest truth:

Just because you love someone with every inch of your being, doesn’t mean it will work out perfectly in the end. Most relationships aren’t perfect—actually, no relationship is perfect. Every couple has their own issues, quirks, problems they need to fix and work out. That doesn’t stop them from being together, though.

If the red flags are too blinding—don’t stay with someone because it’s easier than ending things. Don’t stay with someone just because you are both already comfortable with each other and you don’t feel like walking away and having to restart it all over again with someone else.

Stay with someone because your love is strong enough to overcome struggles, obstacles, battles and change. Stay with someone you are willing to compromise for and who is willing to do the same.

In the end, the changes that happen over time may surprise you – and, besides, who ever said love was easy?

To The Man Who Marries Me

I talk a lot about perfection in my writing, and how there is no such thing as perfection. Lately, I was thinking that maybe there is such thing as perfection… but maybe it just isn’t what people expect it to be. We grow up learning that perfection in a relationship is basically never arguing, never getting jealous, never getting on each other’s nerves. I’m not sure how this interpretation of perfect love came to be, but maybe perfect love is the complete opposite.

I am not society’s vision of a perfect woman in any way, shape, or form. Therefore if you fall in love with me, and you marry me please don’t expect that things are going to be this unrealistic perception of love, that everyone claims exists. All of those things I listed above that wouldn’t be qualified as “perfect” love, are things that you can expect will happen if you marry me.

I am clingy. I am jealous. And you are going to drive me nuts every once, and awhile.

I don’t doubt for a second that some of my qualities will also drive you nuts. In one of the other articles I wrote, (“I Know There’s A Girl Out There”) I said that I wanted to see girls comfortable to be who they are. I wrote that “I wanted to see girls with pimples, freckles, and scars”… This is my ideal image of what perfect love would look like. It would look real. It wouldn’t be warped and changed to suit what perfect looks like to everyone else.

I think Taylor Swift puts my thoughts into clear, concise lyrics, “Our song is a slamming screen door, sneaking out late tapping on your window,”. These lyrics sum up that all love is different, and perfect in its own way. If this scares you… if being a real human being and arguing, and not getting along 100% of the time scares you, then you should probably walk away now. This isn’t a happily ever after fairy tale you read when you were a kid. This is life, and as you may or may not have realized at this point in your life.. it is more like a teeter-totter. You can expect feelings to come balanced but sometimes’s more this, than that. You cannot be happy all of the time.

You might be thinking “Wow, this sounds really shitty”, and I can honestly see how some people might view it that way. After-all we did grow up watching Cinderella, Beauty & The Beast, and other fairy tale movies portraying how all’s well and ends well. After-all we did grow up thinking that a little blemish on our face was disgusting, or that a little extra body weight was abnormal. Am I right? Multiple Psychology tests have proven this vision of “perfect love” to be completely unrealistic, and perhaps even unhealthy. To broaden your spectrum of view on “real love”, check this out: http://www.rebelcircus.com/blog/according-psychologists-couples-argue-love/

Will we be happy? Absolutely.

Just because it won’t be this unrealistic perception of “real love”, does not mean we won’t be happy. I expect you to respect me, and my feelings enough to be honest with me, and if that means you have to tell me I’m acting like an ass hole then fine – thank you. Thank you for being honest with me.

Will it be easy? No.

I am a blunt person. Sometimes words come out of my mouth so fast that it is hard to stop them. I am clingy but I also like my “me” time. Basically, you can take your vision of a “perfect” woman and you can probably say that I am the total opposite. I talk a lot, I care too much, I will tell you not to get flowers for me on Valentine’s Day and then be upset when I actually don’t get them. I am a real menstruating woman, a real person, with real “imperfections” (if you want to call them that).

I can’t promise you that I will be an unrealistic perception of perfect, I can’t promise you that I will be an unrealistic perception of a woman. I can promise you that what we will have will be something we will have to work on, something that we will have to build, and something that will grow. I can promise you that after everything… after the fights, and the differences of opinion, and me annoying the fuck out of you.. that I will love you as a real man. I don’t expect you to be Prince Charming. But I do expect your respect, and appreciation, and most of all your love in return.

If that is too much for you… if that scares you, then I’m sorry but it just won’t work.