Wearing Your Boyfriend’s Clothes Boosts Mental Health, So Stealing His Hoodie Is Officially Self-Care

Boyfriend Jean… literally,

If you’re one of those girls who love the comfort of wearing your boyfriend’s oversized clothes, then you should know that there’s more to it than looking hella cute while enjoying the way your guy smells. A new study suggests that wearing your boyfriend’s clothes such as an oversized button-down shirt or college hoodie can be beneficial to your sanity, especially when your guy’s far away. Yes, turns out, your guy’s not just good for your heart but also your mental health, so stealing his hoodie is officially self-care.

The University of British Colombia conducted a study using 96 participating couples. The data was gathered as followed: Men were asked to wear new t-shirts for a period of 24 hours, under a set of guidelines that would prevent them from altering their scent. The t-shirts were then collected and frozen to preserve their scent and then given randomly to the women to smell. Not all women were able to smell their partner’s shirt which helped control biases.

Ready for the results…drum roll!

 

1. Your guy’s scent could make you zen.

Results gathered by the group of women who were given their boyfriend’s clothes to smell showed that having close access to your partner’s scent as in “wearing their clothes’ lowers the amount of the stress hormone cortisol in the brain. In short, these women were less stressed.

“Our findings suggest that a partner’s scent alone, even without their physical presence, can be a powerful tool to help reduce stress.”  – UBC Department of Psychology

 

2. You can miss your guy and soothe your heart at the same time.

“Many people wear their partner’s shirt or sleep on their partner’s side of the bed when their partner is away, but may not realize why they engage in these behaviors,” said UBC department of psychology grad student and the study’s lead author, Marlise Hofer.

Well, now we know and we’re loving it!

According to the results in this study, if our loved one is not around, we can assume that the next best thing would be to cozy up in one of your boyfriend’s clothes until you get the real thing. Because, although it might not be the real thing, but it can definitely give you the comfort that you need until they’re back.

On the other hand, there are other interesting findings in the study…

 

3. Another guy’s scent could have the opposite of a stress-free effect.

Not that you’re looking to wear some other guy’s shirt but in case you’re wondering. Results gathered by the group of women who didn’t get to smell their partner’s shirts indicated an elevation in the stress hormone cortisol in their brain. Researchers believe that ‘fear of the unknown played a big role in making these group of women more stressed.

“From a young age, humans fear strangers, especially strange males, so it is possible that a strange male scent triggers the ‘fight or flight response that leads to elevated cortisol. This could happen without us being fully aware of it”

 

4. Girls have a new way to tell their guys how much they want them by their side.

Sounds corny but hey, you love your guy and now science’s on your side. Next time he rolls his eyes when he catches you grabbing his bottom-down shirt to wear around the house, let him know that his scent puts you in a good mood and also makes you less prone to give him shit about him going away for a few days.

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20 Things Your Friends With Anxiety Wish You Knew

With all of the info out there about Anxiety and the plight of those suffering from it, you probably think you know how to interact with someone suffering from this disease, but have you ever found yourself in a situation where a friend starts avoiding you or limiting contact with you, seemingly out of nowhere?

Unless you did something terrible and are too much of an ignoramus to realize it, chances are your friend has Anxiety and took a casual comment VERY personally, whether you meant it that way or not. For those of us suffering from Anxiety, it’s extremely difficult for us NOT to take things personally.

 

What follows is a list of things we wish our loved ones knew:

 

1. We are not anti-social!

It’s not that we don’t enjoy hanging out, but often doing so comes with so much inner baggage (Will they like what I’m wearing? What if I say the wrong thing? Do they REALLY want me there?) that it becomes easier not to go at all.

 

2. If we make even the slightest faux-pas we will disappear for weeks.

We’d rather not see the people who witnessed our misstep then risk having to be reminded of it.

 

12 Signs Your Anxiety Is Being Heightened By Your Relationship

At times dating can seem like an intense job interview that goes on forever. You have to constantly re-assess the situation; Do they like me? Do I like them? What did that text mean? Why haven’t I met their friends yet? Do I want to meet their friends? Honestly, it’s enough to give you dating anxiety, and you happen to already suffer from anxiety, oh boy!

People who suffer from anxiety become so used to over-thinking every little thing that it’s sometimes hard to differentiate between anxiety-induced problems and “real” problems but rest assured, just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you…When it comes to choosing that all-important s/o it’s important to recognize the difference between your anxiety and their crazy.

I’m not talking about dating a fellow anxiety suffer (that’s a whole other article), I’m talking about the kind of crazy lifetime makes movies about. The kind of crazy that should send up red flags to everyone. Fortunately, when it comes to this kind of crazy, there are telltale signs you can look for:

1. You never wonder if they’re “the one” cause your family and friends are constantly telling you they’re not:

There’s something to be said for second opinions, especially for those of us who second (and third, and fourth) guess everything. If your mom, best friend, and cat all hate them, something’s up.

2. They ignore your call, which sends you straight to panicville:

Okay to be fair, this might induce a panic attack no matter who does it (when people don’t text me back I get stressed out to the point I can’t breathe) but if they know this and still do it, or if you’re inquiries as to where they were being met with vague answers, the problem isn’t your anxiety, it’s their douchbaggery.

3. They don’t respect your personal space:

Sometimes you just need a minute, especially after a particularly rough panic attack, but your s/o demands your attention, regardless of what you’re going through. This might not seem like a huge deal, it good that they want to be with you, right? Not if it’s always on their schedule or to your detriment. If your s/o treats you more like a PA than a bae, ditch them.

4. “You…are pointing out my flaws again as if I don’t already see them…”

Once again Miss Swift (Taylor) is on point. It’s bad enough that you constantly replay things over and over in your mind, dissecting every little thing and keep a running list of your shortcomings without having someone around who reinforces these feelings of insecurity. Besides, what makes them so perfect?

5. You can’t do enough for them:

No, seriously, no matter what you do for them, it’s never enough. And it never will be. They’ll constantly complain and do everything in their power to take advantage of your anxiety and send you on a never-ending guilt trip. Trust me, that’s a trip (and a relationship) you’ll want to skip. And speaking of guilt…

6. The sky is falling…

Ever notice how your s/o seems to have a crisis every time you want to discuss one of their issues?? I mean, how can they be expected to focus on you when their life is in turmoil? And what kind of self-centered jerk would you be if you asked them to climb down off of their cross long enough to acknowledge another human being (namely you)? A manipulative douchelord/cruellabitch knows that you’re hyper-vigilant when it comes to being perceived as insensitive (or anything else negative) and will use this against you for as long as they can get away with it. Don’t let them.

7. Sometimes, the voices in your head are actual people…

In this case, the voice belongs to your s/o who claims to love you…yet, takes every possible opportunity to kick you when you’re down (And if you’re not down, they’ll be more than happy to knock you down and then kick you). They are constantly reminding you of the pecking order, at least as they see it; they are the sun, the moon, the earth, the sky, and you’re dirt. And the truly sad part? You don’t need any help in the “self-destruct” department, and they know it. Ugh! The next time they start throwing stones, remind them that they, too live in a glass house.

8. Gaslighting; it’s not just for movies anymore…

During one conversation your s/o says one thing…and says something completely contradictory in the very next convo, (occasionally in the very next sentence)! What’s worse, if you have the nerve to point this out (after internally questioning if you’re the crazy one 1,000 times) they will deny it with ease and conviction, often tossing in a “you never listen to me” for good measure. After a few rounds of this, you’ll be convinced that you’re imagining things. You’re not. This form of crazy-making (as if you needed any help) is very convenient for the douchelord/cruellabitch you graciously call an s/o because you can’t actually prove what was said. Unless you want to start recording all of your conversations or hire a court stenographer, I suggest you leave this Charles Boyer wannabe for a leading man more worthy of you.

9. It’s not just you…

You’ve accepted that you over-analyze things, and you are diligently working on rectifying this, but if you notice that others (friends, family, etc) seem anxious around them, or agitated, it’s not a red flag, it’s a neon sign! A person who corrodes the atmosphere of wherever they are is no good for your mental well being, or anyone else’s!

10. And your whiny, crybaby, problem would be…

They NEVER take your problems seriously! Never. When you attempt to talk to them about something your having difficulty with (or overreacting to) you’re met with criticism and ridicule. An anxiety suffer’s worst fear is that they won’t be taken seriously and if you’re getting it from your s/o, it’s a big hint that you’re in the wrong relationship.

11. Judgment zone:

One of the biggest components of anxiety (or at least one of the most talked about) is constantly feeling judged. We analyze the smallest glances and the briefest of interactions, the last thing we need is someone who jumps on the “over-analyzing” bandwagon.  As the saying goes “You can do bad by yourself…”

12. It’s not what you say…

Actually, sometimes it is; When people say or do things at inappropriate times and in inappropriate ways, it’s an attempt at control. They need to be the center of attention, always, and if their antics hurt someone’s feelings or rub anyone the wrong way…too bad! They are essentially more subtle, grown-up bullies.  If you continue along in a relationship with this person you will constantly waste your time stressing about what they are going to pull next, and that’s time that could be put to much better use.

10 Things You Can Expect If You’re Dating A Woman With Anxiety

You don’t see it on our faces when we meet for our first date. It’s not something we wear on our sleeve when you take us home for the first time. On the surface, we seem cool, calm and collected when you lean in for our first kiss. When we text at night, there’s no trace of it through our words. Our voice doesn’t shake when you call to ask how our day is going. You can’t even see it when we pack for our first trip together. Slowly, but surely as time passes through our relationship, it creeps out in bits and pieces–asking to be addressed.

We begin to ask you things over and over, wanting reassurance in where we are. We start to overanalyze and knit-pick at our relationship, even when nothing’s wrong. We begin to worry about things that, to you seem irrational, but to us, seem normal. We lose sleep. We can’t eat. We start to change. Slowly, but surely, a third person enters our relationship uninvited.

Our anxiety.

Living with anxiety isn’t something that we sign up for. It’s not something we wanted to brand ourselves with, like getting a piercing or a tattoo. We didn’t ask to be diagnosed with a condition that hinders our everyday lives. But the reality of the situation is, our anxiety isn’t something that is going to go away overnight. Some days, we hardly even know it’s there. But there are other days that are bad–really bad. We can’t get out of bed. We can’t stop the worry. We hyperventilate just to make it through the day.

Dating a girl with anxiety isn’t easy.

It’s not going to be the same kind of relationship you’ve had with other women in the past. Nothing is going to be “simple.” But, that doesn’t mean that everything has to be all doom and gloom. Girls with anxiety love hard, and they live fiercely. They will protect you and stand by you through the storm at all costs. They will always, always support you because they know firsthand how much support truly matters. There are a lot of things you’re going to have to do differently when you date someone with anxiety.

10. You’ll need to practice patience.

When anxiety strikes, it’s important to know that we’re scared, unhappy, and feel incredibly embarrassed sometimes. Anxiety can hit us at any time, anywhere. We could be having a great time and all of the sudden–bam–we’re hit with a wave of anxiety and it feels as though we’re struggling to get to the surface of the water we’re drowning in.

It’s not ideal for us to get anxiety when we’re out on a date, having fun. It’s a burden when we’re with friends and we need to leave early. And, it totally sucks when we get hit with an anxiety attack while we’re on a trip together. Instead of getting annoyed and frustrated with us–practice patience. Katharina Star, PhD says that:

When dating a person with panic disorder, it is best to remain patient when your partner is faced with panic attacks and anxiety. Let them know that you are there for them and that you have their safety and welfare in mind.

Giving us time to regather ourselves, our thoughts, and our minds is always appreciated.

9. You can’t tell her to just “calm down.”

Telling someone with anxiety to just “calm down” is something that universally is looked down on. By saying this when your partner’s anxiety is really bad, you give them the notion that you’re belittling their disorder and downplaying it. It shows her that you don’t realy care that they’re going through something this hard and, that you think it’s preventable. In reality, it’s just not. Jennifer Rollin MSW, LCSW-C  points out that telling someone with anxiety to calm down is amongst four things you should never say to them.

Telling someone with an anxiety disorder to “calm down,” is akin to telling someone with allergies to “stop sneezing.” Mental illnesses are not a choice. No one would choose to feel paralyzing levels of anxiety, and if the person was able to control their anxiety, they would. Telling someone to “calm down” is invalidating to the person who is struggling and insinuates that they are deciding to have their anxiety disorder. Instead, try asking the person what you can do to support them. It could be beneficial to ask the person this question when they are relaxed, rather than waiting until they are in a state of heightened anxiety.

8. She’s going to need reassurance. Give it to her.

Many women who have anxiety experience moments of overthinking and stress. We wonder if you’re still all-in with us, even when we’re at our worst. When our anxiety gets really bad, we think that you’re going to run for the hills–even if you’ve never dropped hints of this at all. It will become annoying and be aggravating for you when she asks question after question, but understand she’s looking for some sense of control. She wants to feel as though she has control over her own life and what is happening and, giving her the answers she’s seeking can help her regain that control and confidence.

7. Listen. Listen. Listen.

No matter how much you think you know about your partner, there may be things you have no idea about. Certain times, they may look as though they’re completely fine but on the inside, they’re going through a war. The best thing you can do in a relationship when your partner has anxiety is always listen to what they have to say. And, don’t just half-listen, trying to prove to her or anyone else that you are doing the right thing–really listen. And, when she’s ready, asking the right questions to understand her anxiety better will help you both in the long run. Joel L. Young M.D. points out that by asking the right questions, you’ll be able to truly understand your partner and her relationship to her condition better.

If you want to know something, ask your loved one first, and then be sure to intently listen to his or her answer. Some questions to ask include:

-Is there anything I can do to help you with this diagnosis?
-What’s it like for you to have this condition?
-How do you feel about the treatment options available to you?
-Does having a diagnosis make you feel better or worse?
-Is there anything you think I need to understand about the challenges you face?

6. You can’t get angry at her because of her anxiety.

Sometimes, your partner’s anxiety will make you angry and upset because there’s no way you can truly stop it and make it disappear. But, no matter how upset or angry you get–you can’t get mad at her for having anxiety. You can be mad at the situation, but you can’t attack her based on your desire to make her better. Barbara Markway Ph.D. points out:

This can be a difficult distinction to make, but it’s important. Attacking a person’s character or personhood can further damage shaky self-esteem. Perhaps you’re angry that once again, you’re attending the employee picnic alone, or not going at all. Your partner is fearful around large crowds of people and is not far enough along in treatment to go even for a little while. It’s natural for you to feel angry or even resentful. After all, you’re missing out on a lot of fun and the company of someone you care about.

Instead of getting angry, experts say communicating with your partner is best and addressing how the situation makes you feel–after you’ve had time to cool off.

5. You should remember it’s not personal.

When your partner constantly asks you questions over and over and looks at the relationship for reassurance and comfort, it can feel as though you’re the cause of the anxiety. Other times, your partner may be angry and frustrated at the situation in general–having anxiety all of the time can become exhausting. Realize, first and foremost, it’s nothing personal. Licensed therapist, Kayce Hodos says that it’s never personal.

“Anxiety can [also] often manifest as anger or frustration, but don’t assume he or she is upset with you. The biggest challenge you’re likely to face is feeling frustrated that you can’t fix it. You can offer support, but your partner is responsible for managing their symptoms, which can range from emotional responses, such as intense worrying and fear, to physical sensations, such as headaches or nausea. Hopefully, your partner has a good therapist, and you may need to find one, too. After all, you both need to be taking care of yourselves for your relationship to be healthy.”

4. It’ll help if you do some research.

The best thing someone can do if they don’t experience or have anxiety themselves is do their own research about the disorder. There are thousands of online articles, books, and resources that you can look over just to get an idea. According to Barbara Markway Ph.D.:

Anxiety disorders can be tricky because your partner may “look” perfectly normal at the same time they’re telling you they’re having a panic attack. This might cause you to minimize what your partner is going through. “Oh, you’re fine,” or “Just relax,” won’t be particularly helpful or well-received comments. Reading reputable books or information on the Internet can help you realize that anxiety disorders are very real, and fortunately, also treatable. See the Resources at the end of this post for places to get started.

3. But, you should know not all anxiety is the same.

While there is a ton of information on anxiety available to you online and in stores, it’s important to remember that no two people are exactly the same. While some anxiety symptoms are pretty universal and many people go through similar struggles–your partner’s anxiety may be completely unique and different for her. She may experience panic attacks differently than someone else, her triggers may vary, and she may have different ways of coping that work more so than others.

Although you should do some research online and know the signs, symptoms, and ways to help, realize that if it doesn’t work right away it’s not because of you, but maybe your partner just needs something different.

2. You should support her, but don’t suffocate her.

Showing support is important in terms of your relationship and helping your partner through her anxiety. However, don’t push her to talk and communicate if she’s not ready. Experts say that when your partner feels comfortable enough, she will come to you. Katharina Star, PhD points out:

Communicate to your partner that you are available to listen, but that you will not push them into discussing it until they feel ready. Additionally, do not bring up their disorder in front of others. Many panic sufferers chose to only tell trusted friends and family about their condition. It can cause embarrassment or other conflicts if you mention their struggle in a group setting.

Remember to be there, but not to put a label on your partner that she is only her anxiety.

1. You have to embrace solutions.

While you cannot necessarily “cure” your partner’s anxiety, you can help embrace positive solutions and suggestions to help make it better. This can mean a multitude of things. Doing things together that help her anxiety is one–like going to yoga or meditating together. Getting her a weighted blanket to ease her anxiety at night. Another is pushing her to go to therapy and speak to someone about her situation and condition. You can even suggest going to therapy together so that she sees you’re on board with supporting her and helping her through her anxiety. Experts say that couples therapy helps you both: 

Don’t be afraid to seek outside help for your relationship if warranted. This can be a good adjunct to the individual’s therapy for the anxiety disorder. Couples therapy promotes better communication skills, which can allow people to feel more at ease in a variety of typically anxiety-provoking situations. In addition, less stress at home creates a better environment in which to work on the treatment of an anxiety disorder.

Dating a girl with anxiety is hard, but here’s why it’s worth it.

Girls with anxiety are fierce, triumphant and cunning. They are unstoppable. They don’t accept failure as an option – they push themselves to reach every single goal they set. They are never truly at ease, they are never truly the calm that comes before the storm – they are the storm. They are the raging, thundering, fiery storm that rips through towns and leave their mark.

They are invincible. They are the girls who will change your life.

11 Things to Know before Dating the Slightly Jealous Type

We jealous girls get a bad rap, but we’re usually only jealous for a super good reason. Yeah, yeah, we all know that a healthy relationship is built on trust and all that good stuff, but look: we’re only jealous because people have given us reason to be jealous in the past. We’re trying to get a handle on it, but you’ve got to meet us halfway:

1. Let us know we’re safe.

Many people are jealous because they don’t feel secure in their relationship; but it’s not you, it’s us! We want to trust you, we just need you to put in a little extra effort to make us feel safe and secure. People who feel safe never need to go through their partner’s text messages.

2. Don’t tell us we’re crazy.

Ok, we can be a tad irrational, and sometimes jump to conclusions, but no one likes to be told they’re nuts. We’re not crazy, and we just know our worth and don’t want our feelings ignored.

3. We’ve been hurt before.

Jealousy rarely comes from nowhere. If we’re suspicious, we probably started out naïve—and probably a little too trusting. It’s not your fault that other guys are all lying monsters… but we can’t help it if we’ve had a few less-than-trustworthy lovers in the past.

4. It’s not always a sign of insecurity.

Maybe we just really like you! No one’s about to argue that jealousy is a winning characteristic, but hey—we wouldn’t be bent out of shape over someone we didn’t like, right?

5. We’ll shower you with affection.

Jealous people tend to overcompensate with fawning affection. See? We’re not mad at you, we baked you a cake! We should save a piece for that hot receptionist you say is just a co-worker!

6. No yelling.

We won’t yell if you don’t. If you get mad when we ask for reassurance, it just looks real suspicious.

7. None of that open relationship stuff.

Yeah, that’s not our jam. Don’t even ask.

8. We’re trying not to make a big deal out of things.

Well, you don’t want to date a doormat, do you? But really, we’re not trying to make a big deal out of the way you look at your roommate’s girlfriend. But it would help if you stopped looking at her like that.

9. Don’t hide things from us.

You need your space, we get that—but if you’re constantly telling us we can’t hang with your friends or look in your closet, we’re going to go crazy. And, as established, we’d really prefer not to seem crazy.

10. And, y’know, don’t flirt with other people.

Pretty simple. Yeah, we know that world is full of chill girls who don’t mind some harmless, extracurricular flirting… but that’s not us. Hey, you get to date us, and we’re pretty awesome, so don’t complain.

11. Just talk to us.

It’s corny, but communication is the most important thing in keeping love alive. Just be open and honest with us, and we’ll do the same.

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