7 Ways to Have a Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

Does distance really make the heart grow fonder? Even though it may suck, it’s not impossible.

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for several months now, with my boyfriend living between New York and California, and me living in Tennessee. Seeing as though he and I have a shared love language of physical touch, distance hasn’t been the easiest thing (which is putting it lightly). But there are things that we’ve done, and you can do, too, to make it a little more bearable.

1. Make a Schedule

One of the things that my boyfriend and I have done is figure out what each of our schedules looks like separately before making one together. Since his work schedule is a little more unpredictable than mine, I plug in the days he’s working into my schedule so that I can look and see when we both can be free at the same time. This also helps when you have other things to do such as errands, cooking, hobbies, etc., and you’re looking for a way to best utilize your time.

2. Communicate

Since you won’t be in the same place as your significant other, communicating is the most important thing you can do to make sure your relationship thrives. This goes for close-distance relationships, too! If there are things you don’t like, communicate that. If there are things that really work, communicate that, too. In doing so, you’ll see your relationship flourish even more.

3. Set Aside a Certain Amount of Time to Talk

Once you’re aware of each other’s schedules, try and designate certain times to spend time together – whether that’s over FaceTime, a phone call, or anything else. Putting effort into your relationship doesn’t mean you have to be in the same place as them, it just means that you actively try and spend time with your significant other in one way or another.

4. Have Virtual Dates

There are ways you can have virtual dates that are just as good as in-person dates. Set aside time for a FaceTime movie night, tune into the same live stream for a concert or comedy show, play video games together, make dinner at the same time… It really comes down to having some sort of bonding experience, even from far away.

5. Take Time For Yourself

Just like in any relationship, time alone is healthy. Making sure you set time to unwind by yourself is something that will make your time spent together as a couple stronger. When you take time for yourself, not only are you making yourself healthy, but that, in turn, will help the health of your relationship.

6. Flirt With Each Other

Just because you’re long-distance doesn’t mean you can’t still flirt with your significant other! One of the best ways to keep your romance alive is by showing your attraction to your partner in one way or another. Although you’re not there to do it in person, flirting over the phone or via text is still possible and an important aspect of a healthy relationship.

7. Talk About Your Goals

Actively talking to your significant other about goals in your relationship will help keep the purpose of your relationship at the center. Before even dating, discuss what you want your relationship to look like. Are you aiming for marriage? Something casual? Not really sure? The best way to navigate is to have those “define the relationship” conversations.

Being in a long-distance relationship may be challenging, but not impossible when they’re with the right person. The key is to communicate, and never stop communicating with your partner. If you feel a little lost in your long-distance relationship, there are other people out there who feel the same! But, by following these seven tips, you might find your relationship will become stronger than ever.

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About The Author

Emmie Pombo is a latte and tattoo-loving Tennessean who specializes in mental health and beauty writing. She holds a degree in Journalism and a certification in Makeup Artistry and Airbrushing. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.

You Should Never Feel Guilty For Outgrowing A Relationship In Your Life

There are many times in your life when you’ll meet someone and picture them by your side for years to come. You meet someone and you hit it off so well that you don’t ever want to picture your life without them. They make you feel whole in some ways, as though you were missing a piece of yourself and had never realized it wasn’t there until they walked into your life. They make you see brighter colors, clearer skies, really and truly feel the moments of pure and genuine happiness. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a romantic relationship. Often times, you can exhibit these emotions and feelings in genuine friendships in your life, not always with someone of the opposite sex and someone you are dating.

While meeting people who make your world feel bigger and better is a universal human experience, growth is as well. In life, we all wish to grow into better people. We’d hope, and most of the time we are, growing to become better versions of who we were in the past. No one truly stays stagnant in life. We change and we become different people as we go through different things, different phases of our lives. It’s inevitable. You won’t be the same person you were as a teen when you grow into adulthood. So, it makes sustaining relationships sometimes a bit, difficult.

When you meet someone when you’re young, you have a particular set of wants, needs, and standards that are set in place for that particular time period in your life. And, as you grow older, these may change. You may want different things out of people growing up. You may think you want to be with someone forever when you’re younger, but as you get older, you realize you are feeling unfulfilled, or as though something else is missing in your life. This isn’t something to be ashamed of or something that should be made out to be a problem – it’s just something that happens naturally in life.

There have been times in my life where I have outgrown friends and romantic partners and at the time, I felt guilty for ending things for the sake of my own sanity or my own desires. It’s like a gut-wrenching pain you feel when you’re hurting someone else, and you don’t wish to ever cause them pain. Outgrowing relationships doesn’t mean you don’t love someone, it just means you don’t want to settle for something and regret it or hurt someone even more later down the road. But, the initial struggle of having to walk away for something you have invested time and effort into while knowing the other person still feels the brighter colors, all-too-familiar pangs of excitement – it hurts.

When you want to spend a future with someone, you don’t want to half-ass it. While it’s a juvenile way to put the feeling into words, when you outgrow a relationship – it feels as though you’re only giving it half of yourself. Things just aren’t as bright and everything seems a bit duller. While you still love this person and cherish everything you’ve built together and everything you have been through, it also feels as though you’re doing a disservice to both them and yourself by staying around. You never want to be with someone just because you know it’s a solid thing and won’t go anywhere, even though you feel as though you may be happier somewhere else.

Outgrowing people isn’t something to feel guilty over, it’s just something that needs to be recognized as what’s really happening. Sometimes, we’ll try to make excuses for why we feel the way we do. We’re having an “off few weeks,” and things will get better. Maybe we’re stressed out because of work, school or outside forces that may be interfering with our emotional balance. But, the more we push the reality of the situation away, the more we begin to resent the relationship and ourselves. It may not even be conscious. We may know in the back of our minds this relationship is no longer for me. I no longer want to be the person who does the things we usually do, I want to expand my horizons, I want to try new things and meet new people. This is totally okay, there’s nothing wrong with that. What’s wrong is lying to yourself and the person in your life about it.

You can’t force yourself to stay with someone when you are really unhappy. I mean, you can, but in the long run, things will always be a bit of a struggle. You’ll find problems in everything they do, everything that happens and everywhere you go. You will always be stuck wondering what else is out there, or how you can slowly leave without doing anyone any harm. The truth is, the longer you lie to yourself, the more pain you will cause to everyone involved. Once you address the truth, you can truly learn to make a better life for yourself, and the person you are with can find someone else, as well.

There’s an old saying that says: “stop watering dead flowers.” If a relationship is no longer working for you, you feel it in your bones. There is no need to continue to put time and energy into something that will hinder your growth and trap someone else. It isn’t because the person has done you harm, it isn’t because the relationship is toxic or unhealthy – the relationship just doesn’t work for you anymore and you need to live that truth. Don’t deny yourself the sanity of living your own, authentic life. Don’t deny someone else the opportunity to find someone who will genuinely love and appreciate them either. Face the music.

9 Things You Should Know Before Moving In With Your Boyfriend

Sometimes in long-term relationships, there comes a point where a couple discusses taking that next step from “just dating” to “moving in together.” While it seems like a natural progression in any relationship, it’s actually a huge step to take as a couple. Sure, you may think it’s not such a big deal when the two of you spend every other night at each other’s own apartments anyway, but sleeping at someone’s apartment and actually sharing an apartment together are completely different things – trust me. While moving in may seem like an adorable and magical idea – playing “house” always makes every girl excited and happy – it’s a big f*cking deal, especially if there are things you’re unsure about or questions you don’t exactly have the answers to.

1. Make sure it’s something you both want to do.

Everyone feels as though it’s natural to move in together when you are a long term couple and you’re a certain age (in your mid-20’s/early-30’s). And, while it is a normal step to take in many relationships, you want to make sure that you and your partner are both happy and comfortable with the idea of living together. If one person is more into it and the other isn’t ready – don’t f*cking do it. You both need to be ready to take this step together because if one person isn’t ready, resentment will grow and your relationship will suffer because of it. I know a lot of couples who broke up after moving in together because they just weren’t ready or at that stage in their relationship to do so.

2. Make sure you’re doing it for the same reasons.

If you’re moving in with someone because you want to build a life with them, but they’re moving in with you because it’s financially convenient for them – it’s going to create tension. Make sure you discuss your intentions before you move in together. Make sure that you’re both on the same page and understand what living together really means. It’s not the same as just dating someone and staying over their apartment, you two are no cohabitating which means what’s yours is theirs and vice versa. You don’t want to have false expectations and hope and create conflict because you were both unclear of what you want.

3. Talk about finances, no matter how weird it may get.

When you move in with someone, your finances are now up front and important in your relationship. Most people will tell you not to discuss money with your partner unless you’re married, but, if you’re living together – everything matters in terms of money. And, it’s more than just rent. You’re going to paying for rent together, electric, cable, internet, food, furniture – everything you want to put in this apartment will be both of yours, not just yours or theirs. If your partner is financially irresponsible, that’s a big consideration you need to weigh before moving in. If you make more than your partner, that’s also something to think about. You don’t ever want to be stuck paying for 90% of the things in your apartment and your partner mooches off of your financial well-being, you’ll begin to get angry and resentful and will end up blowing up on them about it. The best thing you can do is discuss how to split things and make a schedule for things such as laundry, groceries and other necessities.

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Wearing Your Boyfriend’s Clothes Boosts Mental Health, So Stealing His Hoodie Is Officially Self-Care

Boyfriend Jean… literally,

If you’re one of those girls who love the comfort of wearing your boyfriend’s oversized clothes, then you should know that there’s more to it than looking hella cute while enjoying the way your guy smells. A new study suggests that wearing your boyfriend’s clothes such as an oversized button-down shirt or college hoodie can be beneficial to your sanity, especially when your guy’s far away. Yes, turns out, your guy’s not just good for your heart but also your mental health, so stealing his hoodie is officially self-care.

The University of British Colombia conducted a study using 96 participating couples. The data was gathered as followed: Men were asked to wear new t-shirts for a period of 24 hours, under a set of guidelines that would prevent them from altering their scent. The t-shirts were then collected and frozen to preserve their scent and then given randomly to the women to smell. Not all women were able to smell their partner’s shirt which helped control biases.

Ready for the results…drum roll!

1. Your guy’s scent could make you zen.

Results gathered by the group of women who were given their boyfriend’s clothes to smell showed that having close access to your partner’s scent as in “wearing their clothes’ lowers the amount of the stress hormone cortisol in the brain. In short, these women were less stressed.

“Our findings suggest that a partner’s scent alone, even without their physical presence, can be a powerful tool to help reduce stress.” – UBC Department of Psychology

2. You can miss your guy and soothe your heart at the same time.

“Many people wear their partner’s shirt or sleep on their partner’s side of the bed when their partner is away, but may not realize why they engage in these behaviors,” said UBC department of psychology grad student and the study’s lead author, Marlise Hofer.

Well, now we know and we’re loving it!

According to the results in this study, if our loved one is not around, we can assume that the next best thing would be to cozy up in one of your boyfriend’s clothes until you get the real thing. Because, although it might not be the real thing, but it can definitely give you the comfort that you need until they’re back.

On the other hand, there are other interesting findings in the study…

3. Another guy’s scent could have the opposite of a stress-free effect.

Not that you’re looking to wear some other guy’s shirt but in case you’re wondering. Results gathered by the group of women who didn’t get to smell their partner’s shirts indicated an elevation in the stress hormone cortisol in their brain. Researchers believe that ‘fear of the unknown played a big role in making these group of women more stressed.

“From a young age, humans fear strangers, especially strange males, so it is possible that a strange male scent triggers the ‘fight or flight response that leads to elevated cortisol. This could happen without us being fully aware of it”

4. Girls have a new way to tell their guys how much they want them by their side.

Sounds corny but hey, you love your guy and now science’s on your side. Next time he rolls his eyes when he catches you grabbing his bottom-down shirt to wear around the house, let him know that his scent puts you in a good mood and also makes you less prone to give him shit about him going away for a few days.

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How To Tell If Your Relationship Is Healthy

Ideally, a healthy relationship is one that lets both of you feel connected to each other and still feel independent. It is a relationship that makes both of you feel generally well. You see, the relationship that you have with your spouse contributes greatly to your emotional, mental, and general wellbeing.

In addition, a healthy relationship is packed with a lot of other benefits. When you are comfortable and happy, you are able to respond positively to life stresses. You are able to adopt healthier behaviors, leading to a longer life. Above all, you feel a greater sense of purpose in life nurturing a relationship.

The question, however, remains what makes a healthy relationship. The following are ways that you can tell if your relationship is healthy.

1. Honest communication

Communication is very critical for a relationship to thrive. You will know that your relationship is healthy if you can freely express yourself without the fear of being intimidated or ridiculed. Communication is two ways in that you listen to each other and everyone feels heard.

It is also crucial that you keep in touch with one another when you are apart. This is where online communication comes into play. When using the internet for this reason, make sure that you have Residential Proxies for getting a fast and safe experience while checking different websites.

2. Fair fights

Fights are inevitable in any relationship. In fact, you should be very careful in a relationship that has no fights. That could mean that one of you is not genuine, or is holding back something. People in a healthy relationship fight, but they fight fairly without insulting or humiliating the other person. They fight for their relationship, but not each other.

3. There is independence

The fact that you are together doesn’t mean that you will have the same interests, pursue the same dreams, keep the same friends, and literally do everything together. You each had your own dreams before coming together. A healthy relationship will provide a conducive environment for each person to pursue his or her interests, and personal growth. You should in fact be supporting each other’s dreams as the biggest cheerleader. When you grow individually, you become stronger together.

4. You appreciate each other

Relationships thrive when you appreciate each other. You are different individuals and each of you contributes a share in the happiness and joy that you savor in. If you are in a healthy relationship, you and your partner will be always eager to appreciate each other. You will not need a reason to celebrate the other person. Gift-giving comes naturally to you.

Pro tip: If you want to appreciate your partner, you can never go wrong with music. If your partner is a music lover, download free music-making software and send them tunes that you created yourself. You will be giving your partner something to remember you by even when you are apart from each other.

5. There is trust

The truth of the matter is that you can’t be able to follow your partner whenever he or she goes around the clock. You will have to trust the other person if you are to set each other free. That means staying away from snooping into each other’s phones or tracking their whereabouts. You will also not keep any secrets from each other. If trust is present in the relationship, then that is a healthy one.

6. You don’t tell bad things about each other to other people

Most people run to other people when their relationship faces a problem. While your partner would be the last person you want to see when you are mad, venting out to other people only shows that your relationship is unhealthy. In a healthy relationship, talking ill about your partner to other people would be the last thing on your mind. You will seek to fix the problem with your partner first before reaching out to a third party.

7. Your relationship is a safety net

Life happens and a day has a lot to deal with. At the end of the day, you want to go home to a quiet place where you will find the peace and rest that you so much need. If your relationship is a safe haven that you want to run to when things get tough, it is definitely healthy.

8. You find balance

A relationship demands so much especially when you are living together. There are the chores and paying bills and childcare among other things. Most couples fail to find a balance, and one partner will often feel overwhelmed. When you are in a healthy relationship, finding a balance is not a difficult thing. You are able to play fair with your spouse in this aspect. And in the end, having holidays together will reward all your hard work on keeping the balance up.

Conclusion

Technically, a healthy relationship boils down to good communication and healthy boundaries. In other words, you communicate openly, honestly, respectfully, and without criticism. In addition, you respect each other’s personal life as well as trust each other.

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About The Author

Freya is a Math teacher, Yoga enthusiast, and a beloved mother of three lovely daughters. She is always looking for ways to grow and help others around her thrive through self-learning, meditation, and physical fitness. When she is not teaching or spending time with her family, Freya regularly writes on topics related to self-improvement and women empowerment.

Getting Over the “Maybe” Guy

We’ve all been there… Going out with someone a few times, living in that weird dating limbo. It’s fun, it’s exciting, it gives you those butterflies in your stomach. Then, unfortunately, something happens and you both realize that the relationship won’t work in the long haul. It’s not exactly a breakup, but it sure feels like it. Why? Because you lived through those moments of newness and thrill and didn’t have the chance to see if it lasted.

In a way, it almost hurts more than ending an official relationship.

Most likely, you’ve probably put in a good amount of effort getting to know this person, seeing how you click, understanding their sense of humor, and figuring out how your personalities mix. Heavy topics usually aren’t talked about much, which could be a good or bad thing.

I’ve been there – getting to know “maybe” guys who I actually ended up really liking.

Why did the almost-relationships go south? Nothing toxic one or the other did, but a realization that some qualities, in fact, won’t mesh in the long run, if that’s what you’re looking for. It could be a difference in opinions. It could be differences in how you view life. Whatever it is, both people can rest assured knowing that the connection, at least, was actually really great.

What made you fall for the “maybe” guy, then? The only-romanticized version of them.

You probably didn’t know them long enough to see their more of-fputting qualities. You were interested in their exciting, challenging, and attractive qualities. That’s the person you started to have feelings for, which would make sense why it hurts when they’re not in your life anymore. The “maybe” guy will get you 10x more than the “all-in” guy.

So, how you do get over him?

The easiest answer? Unfollow, unfriend, delete texts… Treat it like a normal breakup. Rip the band-aid off and cleanse your life as best you can. Even if you only knew them for a month, if your heart was starting to get involved, the best course of action may be the classic things: change up your hair, get a tattoo, start a new exercise routine, go vegan for a week. Do whatever big things you can to drag your mind away from the “maybe” guy.

The harder answer? Let yourself feel the feels. Be sad, eat a gallon of ice cream, watch those completely unrealistic romcoms that you love so much. Be present. Be in your feelings. Feel all the things that you need to. Then, after the Rocky Road is gone and Matthew McConaughey says his last cheesy line, wipe your tears, pick yourself up, and start new the next day.

Getting over someone is rarely a straight line.

There’s no one-size-fits-all for a breakup, no matter how intense it was. People feel things differently and that’s okay. In fact, that’s what makes us all special. So, if you need to get over that “maybe” guy who, for some reason, still has your heart, do whatever you feel like you need to do. In my case, I always keep my freezer stocked with Ben & Jerrys, have my yoga mat nearby, and keep 10 Things I Hate About You queued up. Remember: you’ll get through this, too.

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12 Things Every Girl Can Expect From Moving In With Her Boyfriend

Moving In Together

So you’re taking the next step in your relationship, and finally shacking up and moving in with your SO. You’ve been planning this for a while, you’ve dreamt about the days you’d be decorating a place together, and you figure that you’ve had enough sleepovers together over the years to know what you’re in for. You’re ready for constant cuddles, tons of home cooked meals together and coming home after a long day to your favorite person in the world. While all of these things are definitely things to look forward to, that’s not all you’re signing up for. After moving in with my boyfriend, we were faced with a few realities that sometimes make us laugh, and sometimes push us to our absolute limits.

1. You’re going to have to start hiding your favorite snacks.

Remember those days when your older brother would eat all your leftovers and that bag of Goldfish that you bought yesterday is suddenly missing? Living with your boyfriend is pretty much the same thing. Long gone are the days of rationing your faves to last for days and days. Long gone are the days of ever having enough ice-cream. Let the game of hide-and-seek with your favorite foods begin!

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28 Things To Know Before Dating Someone Who’s Adorably Clumsy

Clumsy Love

We should wear a warning. Maybe we make the wrong moves, but our intentions are always innocent. We still manage to get through the day in one piece. If we’re with you, you’ll always have someone to laugh with…or at.

We’re more likely to fall over during a date than fall in love with our date.

But as we’ve learned from our unexplainable bodily movements, nothing is impossible.

Normal people trip on cracks in the sidewalk…

We trip on flat floors.

It’s not that we’re clumsy…

It’s just that gravity hates us.

For us, making an effort in a relationship is us trying not to accidentally hurt you when we’re being affectionate.

We’re used to staring at you really hard after we make a sudden movement.

…because we’re trying to figure out Did I just hurt you?

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If You’re Going to Be a Perpetual Man-Child, Then I Can’t Love You

I’m not waiting for you to grow up anymore.

It’s crazy to see that in other states there are couples who are twenty-somethings getting married and starting their own family, and here we are at still playing this runaround.

I’ll be honest with you, I don’t get it.

I don’t understand what is so appealing about never wanting to grow up. I don’t know why anyone would want to avoid real life because sooner or later it’s going to hit you.

When it does, you’ll realize that it’s too late- that you’re too late. You’ll have missed your shot and you’ll be stuck living with regret.

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Your Partner Should Always Stand Up For You, Even When You’re In The Wrong

Your Partner Should Have Your Back

There are many times throughout your life when you are going to butt heads with other people or be judged by others. It’s not always going to be your fault, but, there are occurrences that will arise in which you are on “trial” with other people in your life. People will come at you, full force, if they think you’re in the wrong. But, who can you turn to when you feel the entire world is against you?

Who are you to go to for support and a helping hand when people would rather see you broken, beat, and bent than thriving? Especially, when we’re the ones who have screwed up.

Many times in a relationship, we turn to our partner for love and suppor. Especially when we feel as though we’re being attacked. We look to our significant others for comfort, for guidance, and for above all—support. Many question, however, what the right thing to do is if your significant other needs support, but they are the ones who are in the wrong. Does being in a relationship with someone mean always standing up for them, even if they are the ones who have f*cked up?

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